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Falco's Forum Romanum

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The Case of the Missing Post..

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The name's Falco..Rex Falco.

If you asked me what I did for a living I'd tell you I was a Private Dick. A lot of people who know me would argue I'm a dick in public too..

For those of you not up on colorful job descriptions, I'm a Private Eye...

It was a slow day at the office..It always is. Being located above a topless bar doesn't attract your better types of clients. The ones I do get are shifty eyed pervs who look like they won't pay..They do pay though. It's the ones in the suits and ties with the nice manners that you always end up having to take to court..

I was glad for the peace and quiet today though, since I was recovering from a wound..

I had six slugs in me. Five were Bourbon, but one was lead and lodged in my knee-cap. A momento of my last case..

Lately though, the only case I was involved with said Budweiser on the side and was sitting in the bottom draw of my filing cabinet..

I was just wondering if today was the day when the power company shut my lights off when "She" walked in..

You'd think with all the topless waitresses I see everytime I walked downstairs women would cease to fascinate me; but this one had my full attention..

She was a tall cool drink of water..Well, not literally; that would be freaky; but you get my drift..

She looked like an ex-cheerleader gone bad; and I mean bad in a good way..

"Are you Rex Falco?" she asked, with a southern drawl that could melt half an icecap with one sentence..

"That depends" I answered "Are you with a collection agency?" I'm nothing if not witty..

"No, silly" she replied "I need a detective. I've lost something valuable. It's a post."

"A post? Did you check your mailbox?" I wondered. The obvious is usually right in most cases..

"It's not that kind of post, sug. It's an internet message board post. I had a genuine picture of El Chupacabra..But when I posted it up it disappeared. I need you to find it for me. What are your rates?"

I told her..

"I can't possibly afford that! " she exclaimed. Or something to that effect; there was a lot of swearing in between the regular words..

"Don't worry, we'll work something out" I said "Lucky for you I'm short of work at the moment." Well, if a moment lasts for three years, it's true..

"So..Two questions then..What's your name, oh vision of loveliness?"

"Undefined Innocence" She breathed at me..

I had a feeling before all this was over I'd find that the definition of her innocence was that it was long gone; but I let it ride for now..

"Question two then. Where exactly did you lose this post? I'll need to go there and examine the scene for evidence of foul play."

"It was a place called The UM Discussion Forum. " She said. "It's located in Scotland."

Scotland. Great.

I'm a tough guy but I don't toss trees around for fun. I sensed this was gonna be trouble..

"Alright then Ms. Innocence. I'll catch a plane today..Meet me there whenever you can."

"It's a date, Mr. Detective." She giggled..Then as quick as she came into my life she was gone..

Out of pity for my readers here, I'll skip a long boring plane ride with descriptions of unattractive Stewardesses, watery drinks, and a speech about why a tiny bag of Honey Roasted Peanuts shouldn't be considered an in-flight meal..

Needless to say when I finally got to Glasgow I was extremely glad to be back on the ground..

It was time to go to work...

End of part one. original.gif

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""She looked like an ex-cheerleader gone bad; and I mean bad in a good way..""

Flattery will get you everywhere!! haha.. nice writing.. cant wait for more grin2.gif

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