The experience of barren regions

The ‘desert experience’ is an oft used term that often brings forth a shiver to many, I know it can for me. For deserts can for those who are not used to them, seem to be truly desolate and barren. I remember the first time I experienced the desert for any length of time when I went to Santa Fe, to visit my brother Craig and my sister Judy, back in 2002. Driving along the highway towards Santa Fe with my sister was surreal, for I could have easily thought I was on Mars. The mountains, the purple tint of some of the stone were an eye opening experience for me. Also the fact that there were no trees anywhere was a little disconcerting for me. I love foliage, trees, rambling plants and weeds, so the desert while beautiful, did not seem inviting to me.

Once we got into Santa Fe, Judy drove me up to the house that I was going to stay in. At first I thought the house was newly built on a new piece of land, for there was nothing on it but lots of dry brush, sand and rock. It was a shock as we got closer to the house and I looked around at some of the other houses, that this was indeed the yard. The house was beautiful, comfortable, yeah Craig did very well. I was there for a few days and in that time the yard began to transform, for I started to look at the many different types of plants, some were growing, thought very small and a lot were I guess dry and dormant, waiting for rain to awaken them. So yes I got to see the beauty of the place and enjoyed puttering around, looking at the beautiful plant life that I ‘learned’ to see after a while.

Of course when talking about the desert experience, this is not what is meant. I guess it is an inward experience, of what the desert often represents too many. The desert is a wild place, dangerous, dry, with no sign post to lead one forward. What at first seemed to be lifeless, is shown in short order to hold all manner of life, most of it fearful, disgusting, and even considered evil, at least by the tastes of modern culture. Vipers, scorpions, lizards, vultures, and yes where strange insects abound; all considered dangerous and of course they can be, though I think they are more fearful of us, than we of them. Also even though it seems barren of vegetation, all that is needed is a rain to bring forth a plethora of life and color, truly breathtaking to behold. I would guess this is akin to the inner desert experience.

For in the beginning of this inner movement, an absence, or perhaps a feeling of withdrawal can be experienced. Perhaps even painful, for to find oneself suddenly in a place unfamiliar, lonely and on a feeling level (apart from perhaps oppression) dead, lifeless, colorless; well just empty and silent, with ones own thoughts echoing back in on themselves, can be very disconcerting and yes fearful. All the old props taken for granted, gone, and along with that so is the comfort offered by the familiar and tried, even if perhaps at times destructive. For perhaps more than is normally understood, much of what we consider normal, is in fact a form of addiction, a way to make life bearable, without having to do any work, to arrive at perhaps a place of inner healing.

I guess for most, the immediate silence that is felt does not last long, for it is then that the inner denizens of the inner realm wake up and show themselves in lurid colors and fantasies. So slowly, but not overly so, the inner vipers, scorpions, lizards and insects and yes, vultures, awaken with vigor wanting to be heard and dealt with. For once awakened the images will only get stronger until they are addressed and reckoned with. Even then it can be the beginning of a long and painful journey, though a fruitful one. For they were always there, manifesting themselves in ways that perhaps only those one is acquainted with could fill in the blanks. For what is not named will show it’s face having no one to call it out and deal with it in a manner that is both conscious and loving. For self love is important in the desert experience, if not, well it will be quickly left and perhaps everything will go back in hiding again. If so, the peace felt is only on the surface, it is those around who are known, who will bear the painful, thorny fruit.

It is strange, not named they are not seen or felt, but really run much of the show behind the scenes. For instance someone who is afraid to express anger and does a good job of repressing it; will still be felt by those unlucky enough to have to endure it, coming from someone who is always angry or perhaps negative. It is called leaking. If the anger is known, then while there may be inner conflict in trying to deal with it, more often than not, others will not be subjected to its irrational demands. Or if it does happen, it is known and more often than not some form of apology is offered. Self knowledge does not always lead to inner peace, but it allows freedom enough not to be controlled by it. In time, slowly, healing comes, for with humility comes self ownership and with that many doors open up for growth; victimhood is left behind. Fear of the inner world and a refusal to take any kind of responsibility leads to chaos, because those who feel put upon unjustly will react, either in an aggressive or passive aggressive manner. In fact the reflection seen in the outer reactions will be ones own. Though sad to say may never be understood so the spiraling cycle continues for a lifetime.

The splinter in the other, the log in my own eye, what does that mean? Also, we will be judged in the same manner that we judge? Are these sayings related, if so what do they indicate? I don’t think they were stated to engender fear, no, but insight yes, about the nature of reality. Perhaps the inner and the outer world are one, artificial boundaries needed to try to make sense of our multifaceted relationships with ourselves, as well as with others. Perhaps our judgments of others are really about how we really relate to ourselves. This is difficult to implement into life, because of temperament, family background and also the simple ability to be able to look within and be able to name what is going on, may not be developed. Projections are unconscious processes and when the insight about what is happening comes to light, then the projections ceases to be a projection and becomes an avenue for growth and understanding, not only of self but also of others. Troubled personalities have troubling relationships; they become the norm, a way of life causing a great deal of pain for everyone concerned.

So yes, the desert experience can be something needed for movement forward, not in the spiritual life only, but also for life in general; though of course they are really one. There are many, many people, who can attest to this reality. They are all around us, we know them and love them, and yes feel comfortable to be in their presence. They are slow to judge, quick to listen and offer forgiveness when asked for, even giving it when it is not, for they know what goes on inside of them, they have named it, so the inner dynamics no longer have power over them. At least not to the point where they become blind to those around them, reducing their family and acquaintances and friends, to the status of either objects, or straw men and women, made in their own hidden image and likeness.