Buulde of the Staff Guild Puts Me on a Strange Diet
Entry posted by IronGhost
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Opening statement: We open our minds to that Universe which is the realm of The Staff Guild, and we seek communion with that entity know as Buulde.
(Note: We were delighted that the planchette did not hesitate and began moving with vigor across the Ouija board).
ANSWER: FAIR WINDS, SIR. BUULDE AT YOUR SERVICE.
Question: Greeting and fair winds to you as well! Tell us, Buulde, how goes my petition to the esteemed Conclave of the Staff Guild in regards to my request?
ANSWER: SIR, DOST THOU STILL COVET THE OAK?
Question: Yes, very much indeed. I covet it. How is my request I being received?
ANSWER: SIR, GEFRAIM ADVISED THEE WELL. THE WILLOW WILL SUIT THY NEEDS.
Question: All well and good, However, I would hear the judgment of the Conclave. Have they made a final decision for willow or oak?
ANSWER: SIR, THE CONCLAVE IS EMBROILED IN CONTROVERSY AND DEADLOCKED.
Question: Wow! I simply and absolutely cannot believe this is such a big deal! What’s the problem? What harm could come from my decision to create my staff from oak rather than willow?
ANSWER: SIR, WHAT IS SET I MOTION IS NOT LIGHTLY ALTERED.
Question: But you say the Conclave is deadlocked! That means that some members of the Staff Guild must support my request!
ANSWER; JUST SO, SIR.
Question: Well?
ANSWER: THOSE THAT SUPPORT YOUR PETITION HAVE NOT AS YET SWAYED THE FINAL DECISION.
Question: I don’t know whether to feel frustrated or flattered that Conclave would take my request so seriously, and embroil themselves in rancorous debate! Am I causing undue distress for the Staff Guild?
ANSWER: SIR, IT IS AS MUST BE.
Question: You folks take your work seriously, I'll give you that. Well, is there anything I can do from my end (in another Universe for god’s sake!) to help resolve this issue and bring it to a conclusion? Any advice you would have for me, Buulde, as my Advocate, would be of paramount value to me.
ANSWER: SIR, OF GREAT AID WOULD BE FOR YOU TO SUBSIST ON THE FRUIT OF THE OAK.
Question: What?
ANSWER: SIR, GATHER THE FRUIT OF THE OAK AND TAKE THIS AS YOUR ONLY SUSTENANCE.
Question: You mean acorns? You’re telling me I should eat acorns, and not only that, but subsist on them?
ANSWER: YES, SIR.
Question: So I’m supposed to eat acorn nuts and live on that – for how long?
ANSWER: SIR, THE ELEMENT OF TIME CANNOT FACTOR INTO THE SITUATION.
Question: Arrggggg!! Again with the time! I suppose I can already see some of the logic in this (the insane logic of the Dr. 58 Minnesota Universe Lunatic Asylum, that is) – if I infuse my biological body with the substance of the oak, this will in some way attune my personal energy with the oak, is that correct, Buulde?
ANSWER: SIR, I CAN FIND NO FAULT WITH THIS ASSESSMENT.
Question: But I should eat nothing but acorns. What else can I have? Can I drink beer with my acorn nuts, for example?
ANSWER: SIR?
Question: Forget it. I’m just wondering how this will work. So I am to eat primarily acorn nuts (or only acorn nuts) for some indeterminate time – this will synchonize or enntrain my personal vibration field with that of the oak's – this in turn may sway the deliberations of the Conclave in my favor. Do I have this right, Buulde?
ANSWER: JUST SO, SIR.
Question: Well Jesus Christ, I’m just wondering how long this is going to take. I have reason to believe that I must wield the Oak Staff to help our mutual friend Gefraim – since you guys won’t lift a finger, right?
ANSWER: THE SITUATION IS AS IT IS, SIR.
Question: Fine! Buulde, will you inform the Conclave of my intent to follow your advice concerning the diet of oak tree fruit?
ASNWER: MOST CERTAINLY, SIR.
Question: Very well, Buulde. Gentle Winds!
ANSWER: FAIR AND GENTLE WINDS TO THEE, SIR.
* * *
Sooooo!
Actually I was not daunted by Buulde’s suggestion to adopt an ‘The All-Acorn Diet’. (Maybe I could even create a new fad diet!! lol). I have often read that Native Americans and the ancient Britons, especially the Druids, made the acorn a important element of their diets.
In fact, I’m sure you have heard that the Druids held the oak to be sacred, and some speculate part of the reason for this was because of the abundance of giant oaks in the ancient British Isles. These guys must have eaten a lot of acorns, and possibly, whatever energies they possessed might have been infused with the “Body of the Oak.”
Fortunately, I live in an area of Minnesota often described as “aspen-oak savanna.” Oaks are extremely plentiful here – I decided that I might gain a double whammy, of sorts, if I gathered the acorns of that oak which incorporated the iron-oak nexus!
The process of gathering and preparing acorns for human consumption is tedious and time consuming, from the very gathering of acorns, to the processing of them into edible form.
Acorns contain huge quantities of tannic acid, and this must be removed from the nut before you can eat large numbers of them safely, and to rid the nut of its bitter taste.
Native Americans used to gather acorns in a sack and then place them in a running stream of water for a couple of days, which would leach out the tannin.
For me, the process started with the collecting – it took me a very long day to collect a 5-gallon pail brimming with acorns. Then the painstaking process of cracking them one at a time with a pair of pliers.
In one sitting, I began cracking acorns at about 2 in the afternoon and cracked and shelled acorns nonstop for the next 12 hours, without taking a break, and while doing so in a state of Zen meditation. (There was one strange incident during this hypnotic, rhythmic process, but perhaps I will writer about it later).
After you have shelled nut meat, it’s time to boil the nuts. This takes 2 or 3 hours, and you have to change the water every 15 minutes, or so.
Then the nuts must be baked at 200 degrees for about 1 hour.
Then it’s time to put them into a food processor and grind them into powder, which takes only seconds. With acorn powder or flour in hand, you are set to eat acorns in many forms—breads, buns, as a gruel, flatbread, pancake, as a paste, in a smoothie – etc.
I challenged myself to eat nothing but acorn food for the next several days – an acorn fast, in effect, and after that, I would check in with Buulde to see if this made a difference with the Conclave of the Staff Guild.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that, as it happens, I am a rather skilled baker, although producing acorn flour loaves and buns, etc. presented something of a challenge at first, but with some experimenting, I managed to get acorn bread down to a science.
The buns and loaf you see above I managed after a certain amount of trial and error.
Below is some freshly ground acorn flour. Not recommended for snorting with straw, or rolled up $100 bills.
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