Strange encounter with sp last night. Funny how the mind works. It seems since I have given up fear for myself the old lizard brain has switch to my fear for others.
It started off as a dream. My wife and I were watching out for this little Indian boy. For some reason I was turning into something evil. I told her to take the boy and run. She left but we struggled at the door because she would not take him and we both were insistent.
I don't know what happened next but I'm in bed. And I am turning into this thing with whip bollo like arms and long narrow eyes. I am not lucid at all. But I am terrified for the boy that I know is in the room with me. I want him to flee so bad. I'm trying desperately to turn my head and yell at him to leave so he dosn't get hurt, but of course I can't move. Finally gathering all my strength I turn my head. ---poof--- I turn my head and am fully awake and lucid. If I had been lucid and not caught up in the dream scenario, I could have easily taken control.
Interesting since I am no longer capable of fearing for myself, my worst fears in life are that I could harm Somone. I'm a lifelong martial artist ( I own a school). The worst of which of course would be a child.
The dream contained elements of several images and conflicts that I'm dealing with. 1) the Indian boy I recognize now as one of my teenage employees little brother. She brings him because my school is a safe environment and she has workaholic parents and pretty much acts as his mother. I don't want him there all day, but it's a better option for him than home, so I don't mind.
2) the bolo arms. I have been watching "the legend of kora" with my kids. Lots of bad guys with bolos.
3) my one year old sleeps with us a lot. I'm always worried that I might roll over on him and hurt him, and in the old days I was capable of striking out at something while asleep.
4) although I don't believe it for a nanosecond I have been having lots of arguments with the religious who believe my spirit guides are demons and I am being manipulated. Like I said its all poppycock, but that dosnt mean that the idea dosnt get a workout in my dreams.
What intrigues me is this switch of sleep paralysis. It's almost like it has evolved along with me... After all this time, it is still capable of finding that which scares me the most.
Oh well a new opportunity to grow I guess. It seems that no matter who you are or what you can do, you cannot hide from yourself.