I'm sitting here on the coach trying to shake this mood I have put myself into.
Yesterday I went to the doctor. My left breast has been sore and it wasn't going away. Turns out I have some sort of cyst. Funny thing is that the cyst dosnt hurt but the areas behind it does. This is a symptom of and advanced stage of male breast cancer. A rare condition. Tuesday I have an appointment with a specialist.
Nothing is sure yet, but I find myself deeply disturbed by it anyway. I don't mind a fight with cancer, I don't even really mind dying. But I just don't want to leave my three boys. I have sooooo much to show them.
I can't help but wonder if all these visions lately are some sort of preparation. I cant stand the thought of my little baby not remembering me or my older boys growing up without me. It's breaking my heart.
All of my knowledge and the things I have seen make life even more precious to me.
Im going to do some very deep prayer in the days to come. If you pray please join me.