What a night!!!!!
I was up a little late watching some television, some science program on fusion. My wife is running the CIM today, so I knew I had to be up early to drive her there, so i decided not to sleep in my bed because the baby kicks me all night, and I wouldn't sleep.
I have been feeling a little off kilter lately. Not sure why? I'm having problems getting back into the kind of shape I was before the knee injury and my motivation has been sapped. I have to be at the elementary school 4 times a day for drop off and pic up of my two boys. It breaks the day up to where it seems like I can't get anything done. Anyway the point is that I have not been feeling like myself. I still dream every night all night I remember most when I wake up, but I forget if I don't write them now. There really is no point anymore It would just be volumes of writing every day.
I haven't really taken any journeys lately. Just don't see the need to. I have done so much OOB now, and I feel god with me all the time, so the spirit search is really over. My questions are answered to my satisfaction.
Tonight was different. I wanted to confront this creeping melancholy I have been feeling.
Vibrations came quickly. There was no reason to rush an exit, I have pretty much mastered this state now so I just let them course through me. They are so pleasurable now. It's like my entire body being caressed by energy. Finally I exit.... But wait I'm out but part of me is still stuck in, I can feel my body pulling back at me. I couldn't figure out what's wrong. I look back at myself on the sofa and use the force of my will to make my body let go. It gives in but reluctantly.
Crap!!! I'm then zinging around the room in uncontrolled spins. I have been through this before a long time ago... It shouldn't be happening. I don't have my head on straight. This is this slump. I'm manifesting It in my altered state control. I yell STOP!!!!!!
It did. I'm kneeling on my floor. Something is terribly wrong! I feel it. The presence. My shadow. It's back. It's testing me. I knew it could never truly go away, and deep inside I knew it pops up for everyone now and then. The sickening fear wants to well up in me. If I succumb to it I will come to back in my body in sleep paralysis. I know better. I have walked dozens and dozens of people through these encounters before.
If I were someone else I might believe a NEG or a demon was upon me, but I don't buy it for a second. It's me. Its my shadow. The animal part of myself.
I give a quick thanks to Carl Jung and stand up to face it. The fear is still there but I let if flow through me and not get stuck. I wish I can explain it better than that. It would be awesome to teach others, but how possibly can one describe such a thing.
I find it in the dark part of the hallway. It's standing there man like with it's head distorted. I can't make out any features. I don't say it but I think the words ---hello old friend---.
Then I walk into the hallway.
I stand maybe three feet in front of it. It's dark, so it's mostly a silhouette but it's features are distorted. This is the moment in the horror film that everyone is telling the dumb idiot standing in front of the creature to run.
I wait a few moments then I say "well how are we going to do this" just as I say that it opens up its head like some sort of crazy alien movie or the leviathans on a Supernatural episode. It shocked me a bit at the Hollywood nature of it, but I barely hesitated. I threw my fist right down the to the back of its throat. When I made contact i grabbed probably something like a spine. I spun my hip into it and rotated lifting my right leg. ( a spring hip Judo throw... My favorite). It went over, but I felt this massive pressure in my arm. I did shove it down it's gullet full of massively sharp teeth... But I am well aware that those are not real teeth and this is not my real arm. What power that gives me.
I have fully mounted it, and I am now squeezing the life out of it. I will not let go of its "spine". I crush with my bare "hands". I feel it's energy dissipate. I feel my shadow... The animal part of myself slide up my arm and settle deep inside of me were it should be.
I then come to back in body..... God that feels good. It's literally like feeling lighter. All those negative feelings of late evaporated. I'm not totally normal yet though. As I look up at the ceiling, I can see these blue energetic currents like lightning running through everything. Cool. I watch them for a bit until they dissipate and I'm normal . I chuckle a bit in sort of a sympathetic thought. Those poor people that think those things are real demons. I feel so bad for the them and the fear they must live with. I vowed to never stop educating people about this....ever.
I then reinitiate vibrations and exit again. I'm standing in my living room completely in control again.
I simply zoom out of the house in flight and over my neighborhood. There is a big storm going on right now, so I fly straight up into the night. I go to the stars. I feel cleansed by them. I just go. I fly to different stars. I accelerate to extreme speeds and fly to a different galaxy. I dive straight for its galactic core, and then there is some sort of phase shift. I'm in some kind of state that I cannot comprehend. Not worried or nervous, but it's just a mess of colors and noises. Where ever I'm at now, I may not have the framework to understand. I eventually bring myself back.
I fall asleep after and have some awesome lucid dreams. One was where I am Kiano Reves and some annoying agent is walking with me. Being fully lucid now i keep moving stuff in his way. Then Finally I just make him go away. I then for fun float a suv and launch it into space. Then I manifest a phone in my hand.
And create an loud voice in my dream world. " attention, this is my brain and here i am the ruler of the world. ( i know silly and a bit childish, but at the time it seemed funny) I mess around with odd super powers a little bit. Mostly like telekinesis and manifesting objects. I also create a person, but I did not get her quite right. She looked a little funny.
I spend the rest of the night fading in and out of different dreams. At some point I dreamt my kids came downstairs and hugged me. Afterwords I was a little disturbed because I was having difficulty distinguishing the dream world from the real one. At one point I was so lucid I was fully asleep but I knew I was asleep. I could just lay there asleep but aware at the same time. A very strange state. Not dreaming but fully aware but also sleeping. I guess you could call it dreaming that you are sleeping.
That was my night. I don't feel tired or anything so my rem cycle must be ok with all this.