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talking to myself

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Talking with diverse gorups of people


markdohle

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Talking with diverse groups of people

I suppose that the last 13 years have been extremely interesting and enlightening for me and I have the internet to thank for that. In 1999 I sat down in front of a computer, learned how to connect to the internet and dove right in. Within a couple of days I was downloading, uploading, emailing, and getting drunk over all the information that was available to me by the simple click of an icon, or the typing in of an web address. It was like my brain became global; well I guess it did. For me the internet is information shared, stored, and if not then available upon request. I can’t imagine what it would be like not to have it.

Since I am interested in the beliefs or non-beliefs of others, I overdosed in going to sites to study and interact with people, which would have been impossible for me to meet just a few years before. In fact I must of downloaded hundreds of pages of information to read and study. I guess I sort of gorged myself doing this; I was like a kid in a candy shop discovering taste that I never knew existed.

When I got on the web I did not know that it would lead me to try my skill at writing. I needed to do this because I simply wanted to communicate with the many diverse people I discovered, and also wanted to express my own thoughts on things, my beliefs, etc. It was hard going at first. Like many folks, I can get the overall picture pretty fast, perhaps understand complex thoughts, but did not have the skill to break them down and express them in ways that could be understood. Since for most of my life writing did not play an important role, it was difficult for me at first. I would sit over the keyboard, thinking, trying to find a way to express myself and feel blocked. Not because there were no ideas, there were simply too many. So the process was slow, it took a couple of years before I could even begin to feel comfortable with writing, and I am still struggling at times.

I dialogued with Atheist, Wiccans, Satanist, Setians, Randites, Fundamentalist, and other Christians of different faith traditions. One thing I have learned, each group has the same sort of people in them. Some are easy to communicate with, others not. Rigidity is not the something that only some types of Fundamentalist have. I have met atheist who would put Bob Jones to shame, and others who were simply interested in what others thought or believed. It also brought up to my attention my own prejudices. Prejudices are forever, but once known their power to manipulate from the shadows, is curtailed a great deal, if not totally.

I have also learned that people’s beliefs cannot be changed by arguing, or belittling. I have learned this from experience. Since the above does not work for me, I assumed that it will not work for others. We are all outsiders when it comes to the beliefs of those different than our own, so misconceptions are rampant when it comes to expressing ones thoughts on said beliefs. I often think that those who attack me for my beliefs miss the point, “they just don’t get it”. I suppose atheist, Satanist, Wiccans, perhaps everyone think the same thing. It is sort a circle of people yelling at each other, thinking they sound rational and logical when dealing with the beliefs of others. Even if I belonged say to one of the groups and left the system, I would then be an outsider and the experiences that led me to leave would make me a less than an objective critic.

Criticisms from outsiders can be helpful, but limited. It was difficult to understand some of the people I dialogued with, but when I listened my preconceived ideas were more often than not proved false. None have ever convinced me to leave my faith, but I think my appreciation of others has deepened with my journey.

To end on a dark note: I often feel that ignorance is the norm. Cultural faith, or for that matter cultural non-belief needs to be overcome. We can no longer be carried by simply living with people who think the way we do, there are now too many others who think otherwise. Even on the net ghettos are forming were only like minded people meet, when this happens a false sense of infallibility can be fostered which really leads to a form of insanity, and it is just not Christians who do this. I think what can connect us is the understanding that most of us are seeking the truth; we may just come up with different answers to that quest. Beliefs are often hard won, best to let each struggle with these questions, and if a group is found where a feel of home is accomplished good for them. For those who don’t, we need to listen to them also. I think we each have of a part of a very large puzzle.

A great weakness of our species is that we think we can figure things out, I am not sure that is true, but we are wired to try anyway. It is not an easy task. Dialogue can often lead to doubt, but for the most part that is only the mind processing new information, that in the end could be a source of deepening, also broadening, what one already believes. Fear leads to walls that can only get higher and thicker, the more doubt is denied. Opinions are cheap, knowledge has a price, and surety is one of them.

Paradox, the more one knows leads to an understanding of how little that really is. People are deep, complex creative and capable of great insight.....and yes often irrational. A potent mix, deserving of respect, not scorned or hated, but something truly appreciated.

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The ironies need to cease! (lol) While I was reading my cell emails, I got online this morning to see what the rants, opinions, biases and slants were pertaining to. As I did that, I also became increasingly aware (once again) of the need to express one's opinion in a coherent, logical and intelligent manner. Social etiquette is extremely important in promoting your opinion upon any electronic/media discourse. But, and I believe this most fervently, is the need to express one's opinion properly in the correct usage of grammar, punctuation and spelling. More specifically, proofreading any type of personal missive, whether it is for or against, or just information, is of vital interest.

I am a tad rusty in my grammar usages (public affairs/reporter/interviewer - among other titles), however, I have a compulsion to review my work to see if I've covered all bases in expressing myself. Yah, I sound a bit picky, but being old-school, I'm just made that way. Little did I realize that in my junior high school (and beyond) days when I sat soooo bored and sleepy, that I would enter careers that required all of the instruction I disinterestedly listened to years earlier.

I get mildly amused and, slightly exasperated, whenever I see a comment section, on a website pertaining to a particular subject, wherein the posters (?) began their usual comments, then the personal stance attacks begin. that's the amusement. The exasperation sets in whenever the spelling, syntax, lack of punctuation, and logic for the argument/opinion start.

I don't have a problem with argument (how does THAT sound?). That is what sparks a healthy debate of (hopefully) ideas, and promotion of well-reasoned views that the opposing party may not have the privilege of accessing. The difference between education and experience (I've heard) is: if you learn from one, why do you keep repeating the other? Lessons hard-won are valued deeply.

You are absolutely right! What group of people vociferously arguing about what they feel is the only correct view (theirs, of course) trying to shut-up, or out-shout an opposing view, have to do with logical, dissenting views? Well, outside of miserably failing to change my view - nothing. I love having someone yell at me when I won't agree with them. I love being snubbed just because I happen to have an opposite, informed opinion on a subject. At least, in MY mind it's logical and informed. However, I do feel that I am open to a lot of ideas - if they're presented in a sensible, logical, non-threatening manner. If someone wants to descend to name-calling, or personal attacks, simply to win an argument, well. . . have at it! (lol)

That's not to say that I haven't gone that route before. But it does make sense to seek another alternative in communicating your views, doesn't it? It's sort of hard to argue, much less win one, if the other person won't cooperate.

On a larger scale, harking back to religion, hasn't it done so much for humanity as a whole? Without recounting the obvious or specifics, mankind's faith in the present, the hereafter, and where we go, have seemed to work out so well - if you want to count all of the dissenting views that have bonded us all so harmoniously, globally-speaking, that is. Disseminating that faith has worked out so well for those with dissenting views, too. Particularly for those who were okay with their religious views, but weren't adequately prepared for the civilizing influences that were piggy-backed in.

I may have mentioned this elsewhere, but I actually don't have a problem with opposing views of certain lifestyles, religions, opinions, etc., as a whole. The sticking point with me is, however, let me make up my own mind on these things. I have a tendency to become stubborn if I'm not allowed to mull things over and choose my own viewpoint. I may not agree completely with something, but let me be the judge of my own mind. And please, don't impose something on me I don't particularly like. I am tolerant, up to a point. I would like to think that most of us are. It's okay to be different - just let me ease into it. If it fits, I'll recommend it to my friends. (lol)

I've often told my wife that, if I wanted, just for grins and giggles, I can make up a religion, a hobby, a fetish (or whatever) and google that particular subject. Then - PRESTO! There it is! Most everyone seeks to understand their place in the world. That has been true since mankind began (or so we've been told!). I sometimes feel that the vast majority of us feel the unspoken need to belong to something, and be somewhere. And to have our voice heard, or our contributions, however meager, count for something.

For those among us who want all the marbles, and the bag they came in, well, that is a subject for another day. And for other judgments.

Maybe the old saying is true - at times: "The inmates ARE running the asylum!" Or not.

"Maybe we have met the enemy. And he is us!" maybe...

"Opinions are cheap, knowledge has a price, and surety is one of them."

I like that. Good quote. However, let me add one other. It is copied from years ago, but I still like it. It goes:

"The measure of a man's intelligence is how much he agrees with you."

Don't we all love a bit of flattery? Thanks!

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Nice comment.

I agree yelling at an opponent, or insulting them does no good whatsoever. There are certain christian groups that make it hard for the rest of us, who are Christian because they are so full of contempt and yes arrogance.

I do disagree with you about religion. The same could be said about the family unit, politics, sports even, people die over soccer for instance. For me it is a human problem, and religion can deal with that at times better than other avenues. However, it is the horror that religion can create that is focused on to the exclusion of all else. Which is of course understandable.....another human trait, we judge opposing groups by their worst and can be blind to those who are better or the best. The God question is an important one for me. No one can prove that God exist.....we have to choose,....so deism, theism, and atheism are choices that are more or less are faith based....without proof. However logic and science can be used to back up both points....hence the log-jam on this subject. Not sure the New Atheist are doing that good of a job. Though I do like Sam Harris, he can say some pretty powerful things about the human conditions. Well in any-case it was great hearing from you.....so thanks.

Peace

Mark

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Heh! Oh, I don't have a problem with religion. On the contrary, I study it quite a bit more than I used to. In fact, I grew up in a religious family in our family church on land that was donated by my great-grandmother's father back in the mid-1880's. You can't throw a rock or swing a dead cat without hitting a relative. Lol!

Although having said that, I did take a break (sort of) during the years I spent in the military. I went through a period of self-doubt and non-belief in a higher existence; a rather painful and sordid narrative, if I may be forgiven for expressing it in those terms. But, thanks to having found my true mate after all these years, I have gained a wider, more accepting, and inquisitive, type of religious awakening. I'm slightly fearful of sounding pedantic in relaying this bit of info; let's just say that I don't wear my cross on my sleeve, but, if pressed, will stand and proclaim my belief if prodded. Not for a juvenile-type truth or dare case. We're not children, nor do I take well to baiting. A sardonic chuckle usually solves most of these.

However, knowing what I believe and don't, perhaps makes it easier to be more accepting and selective about whom I interact with, insofar as any discourse of religion is entertained.

Judging an opposite and conflicting point of view from someone who is a diehard convert is a picture more admired than actually owned. By that I mean, the interchange of ideas concerning religious worship, and the theological ideas that provides the foundation for their beliefs, is rather difficult to get through if all you can listen to is repeated dogma and pro-reasons why you should get on the train.

An illustration: A childhood friend and I grew up in a Mayberry-type community. Naturally, our circle of friends consisted of different religions, economic status aside. The tenets of his religion and mine never entered our discussions at hardly any time while growing up.

Upon entering adulthood, then going our separate ways after high school, we grew apart, but still retained contact, mostly when I returned on leave.

After about my third enlistment, as I mentioned in my spiritual vacuum, I noticed that he had undergone a spiritual transformation in his church's teachings. When we got together one night, playing guitar and drinking a bit, we fell into talk about politics, sex, marriages, families, children, etc., and finally religion.

After adamantly denying his opposition to the certainties that defined his religion in his younger years, he seemingly overnight became steadfast, and a devout adherent to what his religion meant to him.

(yes, I know - we were drinking - long story - go figger! Lol!)

Long story - short. He was, and still is, a firm believer in his faith, and, as his friend, I do applaud him for just that, among other virtues. However, without naming his specific religion, I didn't even broach this topic except twice in all our years of association. To wit: I bluntly told him that ,"No, Stoney! Just the folks in your church and faith aren't the only ones going to Heaven!"

Lol! When challenged by proof, and why he believed this way, naturally he didn't do his homework and eventually resorted to stock answers that lacked an obvious note of conviction. Rather than lose my friend, and his self-esteem, we only referred to it once again in an oblique and dismissive episode. It hasn't been touched since.

I only referenced this merely to demonstrate that I abhor this type of confrontation, mainly because it happened to two childhood friends. Since then, Ive seen so much of similar, and more confrontational, behavior discussing religion so that I mainly refuse to reply to any type of candid discussion with certain people simply because of their lack of candor. Not just religion, but other material, as well.

On the other spectrum, another, really nice friend of ours proclaims that he is an avowed atheist, which upsets and hurts my wife. She thinks the world of him and wishes there was some way to help (i.e.: convert) him and his spiritual omission. I reserve private doubts about his sincerity in expressing this belief. In particular, he harbors deep-seated anger over another friend's wife, whom he has known for over forty years, concerning her hypocrisy. Without sounding extremely harsh and judgmental, she comes very close to being a portrait of hypocrisy. And I can't say that I blame him. But, as I stated earlier, I do believe he secretly isn't a full-fledged, card-carrying avowed atheist.

With her, it is hard to carry on a philosophical discussion without being browbeat with religion and praises, with no other proof than, "It's good for you," and "Praise God and his blessings!" Lol! That is a conversation that is not going to happen.

With the "atheist," he is open to discussion and is articulate in his beliefs, and why. He doesn't interrupt or try to convert others. He feels it suits him, but does respect others' beliefs, openly, too, I might add.

Everyone else is cubby-holed in between, you might say.

Belief in God? My wife firmly believes, as well as I. Being Eric Clapton fans, one of our favorite songs, for me especially, is the song, "My Father's eyes." Jan says she can't wait to get to Heaven and see Jesus' eyes. Bless her heart...she's so faithful.

But for myself? When I meet Him, I've got a few questions I'd really like answers to. Lol! Later...

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There are different levels of knowing. Personal experience is one of them, they can't be proven, nor should they try to be. I think some modern experiences, the NDE, OBE, the life review (especially) have something important to tell us about reality and how wide and deep it is. I think where we live, is a very small backward part of a greater reality. Though here is important, for here we choose, we grow or not. Life seems set up to force us forward, a hard road for most of us, perhaps all actually.

Some Christians I don't understand, their rigidity is at times hard to take. However I have found if I accept them, and tell them what I believe and do not wish to have useless arguments, then things become fine. As we age i believe our beliefs shroud deepen along with being comfortable with the thoughts and beliefs of others. Today, in our culture, with so many system of belief, it is good to learn to listen to others, but to also deepen our understanding of our own path. Not sure we can be carried anymore by some sort of cultural faith.

your wife sounds great, I am happy you have a happy marriage my friend.

peace

mark

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