We are children in some ways
I believe we are children in some ways. Or we lost it and need to get it back. Faith is not a relief from the struggle of all the 'why's' of life, it does however give some kind of path that actually gets more opaque as one travels down it. None of our pious ideas come true, we are not protected from whatever happens, bad things, good things, love or hatred.....they happen. Perhaps down deep it is our reactions that allow us to return to a childlike position, not a childish one.
Trust is a choice, a hard one, the deeper we go into faith, the darker it seems to get. Why is that? Christian mystic give an answer, it works for some, kind of works for me......in the end, we just get through the day, and my faith gives me a compass, though the road again is over some kind of abyss.....death most likely.
When we die, what do we take with us (?).....we are seeds yet to be planted, our death is the time for that. Perhaps to trust in the the process (whatever that is) is the way to go deeper and to come out on the others side a 'child', what that looks like I have no idea.
For me Christ on the cross shows me my soul, my life, as well as the souls and lives of all mankind and creation.....I do not believe it is a dead end, but something 'other', in a way that is impossible to imagine.
When I was seven, I got a knife out of my mother’s kitchen and went out to our small freshly plowed field. I looked at the knife and wondered if I should kill myself or not….in the end I thought it stupid and put the knife back. I of course never told my mum (or anyone for that matter) about that. I guess something in me decided to trust, even if I did not know at the time what it was. My faith gives an ever growing inkling, but it is just inkling, something I nourish and try to grow.