For my first blog Im just kinda gonna think out loud about something's that have been on my mind.
Even as a child I have always gone against the grain. Id make it a point, to a fault, to make sure the things I was told were important weren't. At a young age, 20 or so, I found the church. I experienced what many Christians describe as a new love affair with my maker. But even in that I began to see things I didn't like, or understand. Mostly with the church its self, and the people who professed to love Christ. Now don't get me wrong, there was and is pleanty about me that isn't very Christ like. But some of the things seemed so obvious to me. Especially politically. The support of war, cause it was caused by the right side of the political coin. Indifference to the suffering of the innocents we destroyed during those wars. The support of the stripping of freedoms we once called divine, brought to us by the creator himself. Now tossed to the side in the name of patriotism. For a short time, for the first time, I tried to go with the grain on these issues. I mean these are the people who brought me to my creator. Certainly I must be wrong, and they must be right. Aside from my Mother, these are the first people who ever really cared about me at all. Finally one day I realized that I couldn't go with the grain. So for a time I tried to find the balance between what I knew was right, and what I was expected to believe. But to the Church, even someone who tried to find peace looking at both sides of any given issue, instantly became a deceiver. It has gotten to the point where I only speak about such things on line, just to avoid the frustrations. Fear of a lack in conformity has really taken over many of the minds that make up what we call the church. It took some time, but for the most part I have found peace in all this. I have been granted the wisdom to accept the things I can not change. My love for these same people has grown since Ive found this peace. These are people I break bread with. My children play with theirs. We gather as one in worship of the creator of all things. The bond is still strong. Though I often wonder what they would think of me if they really knew how I felt about certain things.
Which leads to the reason for this blog entry. For the last couple years now I have been exploring spiritual things not found in the church. I don't know if its the American Indian in me, or just another example of my nature to go against the grain. But things like astral projection, spiritual journeys, ect. I have confided with a couple people from the church, those I consider close friends, and their reactions have been fearful. But no more then if I had told them I didn't believe America was Gods righteous army I suppose. I knew they knew nothing about it, so it didn't really effect me to much. Or so I thought. Over the last week or so Ive found myself, for the first time, separating my Christian beliefs, with the new things Ive learned. New to me anyway. And I cant figure out why? Something in my brain is telling me I cant have both. Once again Im trying to find the balance. I don't want to give up on my relationship with Christ, nor do I want to stop exploring the great unknown. In fact Id like to find my self submerged in both completely. So that's where Im at. I guess that's the Burdon of anyone seeking the truth, while trying to shed preconceived notions. Anyhow God Bless folks, thanks for taking the time.