Delusions and the Next Thing
I said somewhere in the past that I think the less I write here the more popular my blog would be. The logic being, people would have less of my rubbish to read, so that would encourage them to come here more often. I think I've been proven right in this. I haven't written anything for a while, and my views have gone up, up and up.
This is rather satisfying for me. Not that my happiness depends on the number of views I get here, but that it shows I was right. I like being right probably more than anything else. When you're proven right, you can bask in this rightness, and all is well with the world. It's like the sun finally coming out on a cloudy day. This makes all the colors of the world bright and vibrant and crystal clear. The sky is blue, the trees are green and the colors of the flowers jump out at you. All of a sudden the world is a really nice place to live in.
The down side is, this pleasant feeling usually doesn't last very long. It only lasts until the Next Thing happens. It's kind of discouraging that the Next Thing always seems to ruin the previous nice feeling. It would be much better if the Next Thing would never happen.
Try as I may, I can never completely stop the Next Thing from happening. Even when I try really hard to ignore this Next Thing, it always kind of sneaks up on me, and before I know it, there it is right in front of my face, staring at me expectantly.
I hate it when I am expected to do something about these Next Things. I'd much rather be complacent in my previous nice place. Now I have to get up and deal with this Next Thing, which usually means I have to do something.
Doing something is sometimes nice, but oftentimes not so nice. In Zen, all activity is supposed to be nice. It's just what we do moment to moment. This attitude I can do sometimes, but other times it's a stretch of the imagination.
I live a lot in my imagination. I think that's why I like my fictional characters. I can put them in situations that I wish I could be in, and make them do things I wish I could do. But, in a way, I am doing these things and I am in these situations. I enjoy manipulating my fictional characters. It's not really manipulating, though. They seem to do what they do all by themselves without my help. It's like they have a life of their own, and I'm just watching their antics, and writing it all down.
This is why I've said they are real, living creatures out there in the Galaxy someplace, and at the same time are fictions of my imagination. I think they are both, somehow. If I could travel out into the Galaxy, I'm sure eventually I'd find these Alien life-forms for real, doing what they do in my stories. I'm really convinced of this.
I'm convinced my perhaps-delusion is real. This makes me happy. I also think this is an example of sanity, in a way. If one thinks one's delusions are real, one is living in one's real world. It may be a subjective real world, but real nonetheless. I think all psychological reality is subjective, anyway. So, why not enjoy your own personal reality as long as you can make it last?
If we were to be forced to accept the real reality of ourselves and our environment around us, I think then we would really go crazy. We'd all go insane, and not be sane as we usually are, all wrapped up in our pleasant delusions, which we believe to be reality.
Another thing is, I don't have to go to work every day. I'm lucky, I guess, in this. I used to have to go to work, but not anymore. This leaves me in a nice place. The next Thing that Happens doesn't happen for me very often now. It's pretty much the same thing over and over. This may sound boring, but it's kind of reassuring, because I usually know what's going to happen next, with no surprises in store for me in the next minute or something.
Mostly, if I had a choice, I'd choose the same thing instead of the Next Thing.
Life goes a lot smoother with no impending surprises on the horizon. It's a calm way to live, and I like to be calm. Panic just gets you in trouble. Even when the Next Thing does happen, being calm about it helps a lot. If you get really good at managing your delusions, you can even make the Next Thing seem like just another delusion. In that way it doesn't become too important to you. It's there, but it's not as real as it seems to be.
So, this is how I live my life. It may not be how others live their lives, but at least I stay satisfied in this kind of life. There's not much satisfaction out there, but I've grabbed my part and I hold on to it. If it's mostly a delusion, at least it's a delusion that I like, and I'm satisfied with it. It could be worse.