Hello fellow blog readers. Its been a while since my last entry. as I've really had nothing of significance to say. Something happened to me yesterday though that I just had to share. For those of you who have read my previous entries you know that I've had somewhat of a spiritual transition over the last couple of years. I have discovered new and valuable information in the importance of loving yourself. In vibrational energies. How relationships are effected through those same things. Well come to find out, I've only gotten half of this vital information. And for the first time, this new revelation didn't come from an outside source. It didn't come from a wise teacher, or a concerned friend, but from a place inside myself.
I have spent the last few months really uping my game when it comes to meditation. I've gotten to the point where over the last couple weeks its no thing for me to meditate well over an hour, sometimes two. Like most people starting out, meditation was very difficult at first. If not for a real passion for astral projection, I probably would have given up a long time ago. However meditation and astral projection go hand in hand. So I looked at it as a necessary evil. Or at least a inconvenient chore. Even after slowly seeing some positive results.
Recently though I began to notice that I slowly started to appreciate the time spent with myself. Shutting down the engines, and quieting my mind somehow became desirable. So much so that the first time I made it a full hour, I hadn't even noticed that much time had past. I was completely shocked (and damn near missed my sons school bus) to see the clock read 3:30 when I opened my eyes.
I have also begun in my new past time to try out different meditations. One which involved getting to trance, then having a conversation with yourself. Some of you who practice meditation know that once under, you can begin to see different shapes and figures moving and morphing behind closed eyes. Well the idea is to see that shape, or figure as a abstract of yourself. The real self. The spiritual self. I've heard people go as far as to call it your higher self. Not an imaginary conversation either. In theory you are to ask questions, then literally wait for the answer. Don't try to make them up as you go along.
Now please don't get me wrong. I don't know that that is actually the case. I don't know if that image meditation congers up is a abstract of yourself, or if its nothing more then observing brain function, or neural discharges. I have no idea.
According to the person I learned this meditation from, they said it may take several tries before you get an answer. That some people have suppressed this inner voice for so long, that it doesn't believe you actually want to hear from it, or at least wont follow through with the instruction it gives. You have to build a relationship with it.
Anyhow near the end of my meditation yesterday I decided to try a little experiment. I had been focused on a electric green cube shape that was slowly spinning around. Like it was suspended in a place with no gravity. Similar to those video's where astronauts are floating around in zero gravity rooms. There was a yellow mist that surrounded the cube. I must admit I felt very silly knowing I was about to start asking this brain congered image questions. But I thought, what the heck, I'd take a whack at it.
So I start out asking this image if it is really somehow me. Instantly I hear the word "yes". WTH? Right away I figured that I must have just answered my own question. Though I couldn't help but have the feeling that the answer I received didn't actually come from physical reality preacherman. So I continued. Next question I asked, a question I knew I didn't have the answer to, was if it/he whatever, were able to take the wheel of my life right now, what is the first thing they would change. What is the first thing it would do. I was met with silence. Apparently my higher self had already run out of things to say. Leading me to believe I hadn't actually talked to anyone outside myself. Which was fine. I didn't really believe it would have the answers to life to begin with.
So fast forward to that night. The kids homework was finished. Diner had been eaten. The excess energy the kids brought home from school had been spent, and everyone was falling into relaxation mode. A sure sign bed time was near. Earlier I had made a fire in the fire place, and decided that it was a good time to make sure it was extinguished, and close the glass doors for the night. (Never leave a fire place fire unattended, even if its almost out). Now here is where things get odd. I hadn't thought about my little experiment at all since it happened earlier that day. I walked away fully believing it was completely fruitless. As I grab the handle to the second fire place door I literally hear a voice in my head out of no where say "The first thing I'd do is forgive myself". As if this wasn't a voice in my head, but was actually someone who plainly spoke it aloud to the room, I say out loud "for what?" The voice returned instantly and as gently as it could said "for everything".
Have you ever been blindsided by a truth so obvious yet so long abandoned that it almost felt like it punched you right in the stomach? I immediately began to wonder how I had come all this way without even considered how deeply I needed to do just that. To forgive myself. For everything. I had to choke back tears as I followed the advice of my inner friend, and forgave myself for the first time in my life, for everything, right there sitting in front of that fire place.
Thanks for taking the time folks.