No matter if you're single or attached, chances are you will go on or have gone on a blind date at some point in your life. Keep in mind these tips if you are in such a situation again.
Things to do on a blind date
1. Bring 20 or so candles into the restaurant. During the meal, get up & arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.
2.Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
3.Repeat every third third word you say say.
4.Lick your plate. Offer to lick your date's.
5.Order a bucket of lard.
6.Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.
8.Refuse to communicate in anything but mime for the entire evening.
9.Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.
10.Take a break & go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Tell your date, with a straight face, "They need to air out."
11.Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
12.Save the bones from your meal & explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.