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The Months That I've Been Away

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After a long hiatus, I am back again. Quite a lot has happened in the months that I've been away. Things I never thought would happen to me but did anyway.

I am still working at McDonald's. But a lot has changed there too. A lot of our valuable and experienced crew have left and the place has quite frankly gone to hell. I have been trying to leave as well but haven't had any luck. I had one interview at another kitchen job but it went south pretty quickly. The interviewer asked me if I was autistic because he said I seemed like I might be. So I was worried about that for the rest of the interview. Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

Several months ago, I did a stupid thing and wound up in a bit of trouble with the authorities. It was an accident and not violent or anything but I won't go into details here for personal reasons. The stress and anxiety during this time was enough to cause me to fall into a depression worse than I've ever had before. I found myself contemplating suicide many times during the following weeks. I ended up being fined so rather than pay it off little by little and having it weighing on me for even longer, I sold my computer and paid it all off the next day. This is why I haven't been on the site for awhile. I don't like using phone browsers and that was all I've had until now.

A couple of months after all of that, I went to dinner with my cousin and his fiancee. She was treating her cousin to dinner for her birthday. Well I must have made quite the impression because we all went out again the next week and a few days after that, I had a girlfriend. We continued with these double date things for a few more weeks and then the trouble started when she told her dad about me and I was coming over to meet him. He instantly rejected me so I've been trying to find a way to change his mind about me for months now, to no avail. We are still together though, so I have successfully broken my record. She's a great girl and I'm truly happy when we're together, but it's just so hard dealing with her family's constant berating and rejection. Adding to that the fact that we hardly get to see each other because neither of us have our own vehicles and the aforementioned cousin is fighting with her too so that's not an option. It makes the relationship very difficult at times. But I am determined to make it work as long as she wants it to work.

So anyway, now I am still looking for another job, trying to keep a relationship together and still battling with my own self-criticism everyday. And none of it is going well. But at least I have a computer again so now I can focus on my true calling which is writing. And now I can type out a resume and actually try to make it sound good this time. Hopefully I can persuade myself to actually do these things instead of just saying that I'm going to do them. I am considering going to college somehow too. Or becoming a manager at McDonald's. I'm not sure what I want to do though. I'm never sure of anything really.

I am also considering leaving the country because of what it seems to be becoming.

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