First Annual Wear-It-Backwards Ball
Just 8 more days until the first Annual "Tennis Shoe and Tuxedo - Wear it Backwards Ball and Melted Crayon Art Show" ... It will be held at the "Grand Ball Room" high atop the historic Grand Central Dungeon Tower (provided we can install the braces and supports in time)...
Here is a listing of approved attire...
Tuxedos (any color or style), - the “louder” the better.
Formal Ball gowns (with neon colored t-shirts or scuba wet suits under them for those who are "a bit shy"...
Attire made solely of melted crayons (must be “worn” over an approved body suit – mainly because the melted crayons are rather warm to the touch at first!
Formal Uniforms (military, band, Service industry, etc) are also acceptable of course – the UM Zeppelin Service Uniforms are actually quite stunning when worn backwards (as we did in the Great War – in an effort to confuse the enemy as to whether we were “coming or going” – it actually only served to confuse us, but “Oh well”)
Cultural dress must be approved by the UM Bored of Inquisitors... Such as the “cultural dress” seen on many Beauty pageants – the gaudier, the better…
Shoes must be inappropriate for whatever is worn and may be worn correctly if your feet won't turn backwards...
As an example, I have decided to wear my formal uniform as Emperor of Mooselandia (it actually fits better backwards anyway) – with all my many ribbons and medals (all awarded to me by a grateful…. Me)… Upon my hooves…er… feet I will be wearing my “Bullwinkles” (provided they get out of the cleaners in time – else I will be wearing neon-pink scuba flippers)…
I had planned on wearing a nice evening gown made of melted crayons (which seems to be a popular choice this year), but the only crayons I could get away from my grand-nieces and nephews were white… I didn’t want to look like a giant lump of ice cream, so….
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing “formal attire” of another gender (or even species in some cases), in fact a man has a bit of an advantage in this as a full length beard can do wonders in covering up a “backless gown”…
Dancing is to be done “front-to-front” from the perspective of the clothing, so you will be facing away from your partners… The clever partier will therefore NOT dance with their date but with a stranger and position themselves so that they will be able to actually see and converse with their date, as they dance with someone else…
Entertainment is scheduled to be provided by UM’s most popular band “The Noggin’ Knockers” (provided they get time off for “good behavior” following their performance at the UM "BlackLight Costume Contest Valentine's Day Dance and Rummage Sale")… Should the “Noggin’ Knockers” not be available the High Inquisitors office will simply snatch up five or six random dungeon denizens from the Lower Oubliettes and force them entice them into forming a band on the spot (they might even sound better than the “Noggin’ Knockers”)…
As always Zombie dates will be available for those who either fail to acquire a date on their own, or just like dancing back-to-back with zombies… Volunteers are being sought to assist in dressing the zombies appropriately – in ball gowns and tiaras… Volunteers may get time removed from their stay in the Lower oubliettes…
A banquet will be served “cafeteria style” while the Melted Crayon art show is being viewed and judged –midway through the ball. So bring your best art work (that must be made of melted wax-crayons of any brand name, and be executed on either butcher paper, brown paper bags or the writing paper they give to kids when they learn to write… Any substitute paper or “paint” medium must be pre-approved by the UM Office of The Fine Arts and Sewage Control (UM Form x-3221.775 May 325 BC)...
- 10
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