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UM's Blacklight Monster Fest and Rodeo

Taun

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This Halloween, 31 October 2017, UM will unwillingly unhappily grudgingly joyfully host the 8,913th Annual Halloween Black Light Monster Festival and at the same time the First Annual Great Old Ones Rodeo...

Festivities will commence at 9 AM (Pago Pago Local Daylight Savings Time +/- "a bit")... There will be a Rodeo Day parade of all the Great (and not so great) Old Ones as they Shamble, Stalk, Stomp, fly and Ooze their ways from the Great Central Plaza to the newly refurbished Rodeo grounds, next to the chemical weapons testing grounds... Spectators are required invited tp line the parade route and tremble in terror cheer on their favorite Great Old One or Zombie Vaquero... As always attendance is mandatory voluntary and role will be taken...

Once the parade reaches the insanely dangerous hellhole lovely, cheerfully decorated rodeo park the daily events will commence... Which unspeakably horrible Elder God will win the Pookie Riding Contest? The Squiggle herding labyrinth challenge and the Kraken Bulldogging competition? The Screaming Human Cultist Roundup? Come on out and cheer them on (somehow manage to survive) and find out!...

We are currently looking for volunteers to participate in the Screaming Human Cultist Roundup... Those interested should contact their Dungeons Chief Flogger. (Remember, If we don't get enough volunteers... WE WILL!)

After the carnage is cleared away and the top "Cthuloid cowboy (cowthing?)" is crowned, the party will relocate to the Grand Ballroom and Roller Rink (well... the survivors will anyway) where the nights festivities will begin... Starting with a Blacklight costume contest (see my blog entry on the Valentines Day Blacklight Costume contest for an idea of what to expect), judged by the Guys, Gals and Ghouls of The Floggers Union (local 3178)... After the winners are announced (and the bribes are tallied of course) all the partiers will participate in a promenade to show off their costumes... The promenade will wend its way to the banquet halls where a feast (using the term loosely) will await them... From there to the dance floor where the participants will dance the night away (or else!)...

Some basic rules:

No costume shall be made of melted crayons (sorry - they tend to melt off and this is a G rated event)

No costume can be worn that makes fun of any particular politician (UM needs all the political allies it can get and we can't afford to tick anyone off) ((Zombie Nixons and Churchills are exempt of course)))

No costume can violate Trade Marks, Patents or other legally binding nonsense... So a "Cinderella" costume is not allowed.. However an outfit that sort of resembles hers but isn't... is okay...

All costumes must be florescent under a black light....

No costume can make fun of a Mod, Inquisitor, or flogger (theeeeeey don't like that)

Tickets go on sale Oct 18th and are reasonably priced at... free... They are available from any roaming flogger, inquisitor or zombie janitor...

Prizes for the best costume, the most fluorescent, the weirdest and the most original!



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Decisions, decisions....I just can't decide what to go as! A zombie inquisitor moderator...or perhaps a flogging screaming human cultist?

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I'm sorry Taun ..... you talk about 'survivors' but I don't like the way you lightly dismiss the non-survivors. What happens to them? Do they get a decent burial at some point? Are their relatives notified, and if so, when? You come off as somewhat heartless. :(

 

 

Although, to be perfectly honest, the real reason I ask is that they don't half pong after a while. After the last shenanigans, non-survivors were lying about UM for weeks. I had a very nasty experience while making my way through the badly-lit alleyways between 'Fun & Games' and 'A Grown-Ups Serious Thread', when I tripped and fell on top of one of our long deceased chums ...... *shudders*.    

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Not to worry, any non-survivors simply become UM zombies and continue to contribute (all be it in an 'undead' manner). Frankly speaking, many mornings BC (Before Coffee) I'm pretty much a UM zombie myself.

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spud the mackem

Posted

18 hours ago, Lilly said:

Decisions, decisions....I just can't decide what to go as! A zombie inquisitor moderator...or perhaps a flogging screaming human cultist?

Hi Lilly, you obviously have to go as a Moderator dressed in full Police Anti-Riot gear not for your protection ,but to stop anyone escaping if they haven't brought along the Mandatory jug of Moonshine.

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All UM moderators always wear full anti-riot gear (flame proof as well). I'll have to dress things up at least a little for such a special occasion...perhaps be-dazzled anti-riot gear?

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9 hours ago, ouija ouija said:

I'm sorry Taun ..... you talk about 'survivors' but I don't like the way you lightly dismiss the non-survivors. What happens to them? Do they get a decent burial at some point? Are their relatives notified, and if so, when? You come off as somewhat heartless. :(

 

 

Although, to be perfectly honest, the real reason I ask is that they don't half pong after a while. After the last shenanigans, non-survivors were lying about UM for weeks. I had a very nasty experience while making my way through the badly-lit alleyways between 'Fun & Games' and 'A Grown-Ups Serious Thread', when I tripped and fell on top of one of our long deceased chums ...... *shudders*.    

This is UM... No one really gets hurt... just a few moderately impressive "ouchies" and "boo-boo's"... It turns out that the "long deceased chum" was just sleeping it off after a rough night of prowling the internet looking for people who "were wrong"... Most of our zombies are actually volunteers... People taking a year as a zombie for tax purposes, and such...

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Thank you for reassuring me.

I rather like the idea of a year off, roaming the internet and hunting down people who 'are wrong' ............ goodness knows there's a helluva lot of them!

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Okay ... I got us all the tail and pin bit to the 'Pin The Tail' part, now where do we get ourselves a fully fluorescent donkey for the "ouchies" and "boo-boo's" ?

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7 hours ago, third_eye said:

Okay ... I got us all the tail and pin bit to the 'Pin The Tail' part, now where do we get ourselves a fully fluorescent donkey for the "ouchies" and "boo-boo's" ?

Donkey's 'R' Us... There are five stores located throughout the Central UM Complex...

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Well... it WAS !

This is UM Custard, remember ? 

The sharks never had a chance :( 

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No flogger costumes??   Dang it, there goes my idea.  (Goes off to find another costume)

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Taun

Posted (edited)

12 minutes ago, tcgram said:

No flogger costumes??   Dang it, there goes my idea.  (Goes off to find another costume)

The Frank and Francine the Flogger costumes were pulled from the shelves for a couple reasons... Firstly, they are entirely made of untreated Squiggle hide... and there is a severe shortage of anti-itch cream... Secondly, our floggers are not the brightest bulbs in the box and the costumes confuse them into thinking that the ones wearing them are real floggers, which does not set well with the Local Floggers Union - and you DO NOT want to go into litigation with these guys...

Edited by Taun
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Interesting thing about squiggles and mating... Squiggles are so alike that neither gender can tell the others apart... Female Squiggles (when they feel the "urge" to spawn more of their unholy breed) will capture a fully grown porcupine and "present it" to another squiggle they hope may be male... If it is actually male (or just really hungry) the "offered" squiggle will consume the unfortunate porcupine, leaving the female (who is still not really sure about her prospective beau) to "make a move... If the squiggle is actually male (and also in the mood) then they go about setting up house in a nice, cozy radioactive mud pit... But if the other squiggle was just a hungry female, then the fight starts... After all - no one wants to feed a moocher...

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