Recently I have received instructions from The Adept Zondor, King of the Dwarf People of Mnomomopolous, advising me to safeguard my psychic powers. I must admit, my psychic powers have mysteriously been on the wane lately. The Adept Zondor told me of a conspiracy by unknown paranormal Cosmic entities are determined to suck up all the paranormal energy in the universe to increase their own metaphysical powers.
Actually, I did have a premonition about this situation. It was a sort of déjà vu experience in reverse. I had the feeling that I hadn’t been somewhere before, but that I will be there in the future, and then I’ll recognize it. This has put me on edge lately, as you can imagine.
I also had a synchronistic experience. I had my palm read. I usually don’t go in for palm reading as I consider this a too physical exponent of psychic abilities, but I was worried after all these unnerving telepathic experiences. The result of the Palmist was, I would soon be contacted by someone who was an exponent of necrology and an interpreter of ancient runes, and this person would introduce me to a Spiritual Master who would relate further specific information.
The Palmist also told me I would soon meet a tall, dark stranger, and to watch out for women who buy their clothes at Walmart or wear too much makeup.
At any rate, this Spiritual Master would reveal an ancient prophecy relating to the Oracle of Thesphus, whatever that is. You see, this is the problem I’ve been worried about: I don’t understand any of this stuff. Well, except for The Adept Zondor, King of the Dwarf People of Mnomomopolous, who I’ve known since childhood. See, when I was about twelve years old He appeared unrepentantly in my mother’s garden during a thunderstorm. It seems he had had an emergency landing. Somehow his astral projector had become attuned to random lightening strikes. I think he fixed that problem later, but I’m not sure.
Well, Zondor and I immediately hit it off. It was synergistic. Also, we both had a fascination for cryptozoology and the more frightening aspects of shadow people and black-eyed children, and we both admitted we look with trepidation under our beds at night before we go to sleep. Funnily enough, we also had read and enjoyed the obscure, Professor Melman’s “Encyclopedia of Psudo-Mythic Entities, Bio-Psychic-Anomalies and Precognition As It Applies To Telepathic Empathy and Remote Viewing”. A hefty tome, indeed, and unusual for two strangers to have read this rare and singular volume. I believe this is not mere coincidence, as Zondor explained it as an example of mutual and personal synchronicity.
Well, as I was saying, The Adept Zondor related that these mysterious and secret entities are collecting psychic vibrations for their own personal use and power. This frightens me, I must admit. This is because, if it is a real conspiracy, we all know conspiracies are always evil in intent. I have never known a conspiracy to be benevolent in nature. So I live in fear. I mean, who wants their psychic abilities drained off by some strange and mysterious secret society, like the Mormons, Shriners and Freemasons, for instance?
I’m just saying, we who have the psychic gift and are attuned to the metaphysical and paranormal should be on the alert. I must therefore advise astral travelers to beware of unforeseen detours that may be lurking unnoticed. There are malevolent forces about, perhaps emanating false vibrations as an evil web to catch unsuspecting voyagers on the astral plane.
Out of body experiences may have to be curtailed for a while as well until this mystery is cleared up. We all want to get safely back into our bodies, right? Perhaps for a while we should just install mirrors on our bedroom ceilings.
Clairvoyants may have already picked up some of these distortions in the Cosmic Consciousness. All information of these anomalies should be psychically reported to The Adept Zondor, King of the Dwarf People on Mnomomopolous. This now is the Celestial Clearing House for such information, even if one considers these intimations only rumor, gossip between local palmists and fortune tellers, or even hearsay among alchemists and pseudo-scientists. One can not be too careful.
Be ever on the alert.