Now that I'm older, here is what I have discovered --
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
It's funny, but I don't remember being absent minded.
All reports are in ... Life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it????
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Some days you are the dog. Some days you are the hydrant.
I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
Accidents in the back seat cause . . . kids.
It is hard to make a comeback when you have never been anywhere.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.
If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
When I am finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
It is not hard to meet expenses . . . they are everywhere.
The only differences between a rut and a grave are the depth and one has the ends kicked out.
These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the here after.....
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I am here after.......
If I wake up in the morning and nothing hurts, it may be a good indication that I have died during the night.