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The Darkness of The Deep

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Kundalini Rising: Month Two Plus

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Not A Rockstar

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Just noticed it has been over two months, now, closer to three, really, since I unexpectedly experienced an awakening of Kundalini. It seems a good time to post an update about it and some of what I have learned over the past time of living with it.

I knew nothing about this until it happened, but, was no stranger to sensing things or seeing things or working with energy. Years ago I got all my Reiki Mastery attunements just to see what that was all about, was a Pentecostal Christian for some years and raised on the Holy Ghost. The occasional people who claim this is all nonsense and not real have no weight with me. There are a lot of real things out here that others need to deny and create their own negative bias to support for their own reasons, That has nothing to do with me or my life. I do not lie nor am I delusional, thanks.

This has been an interesting phase though for the research I have come across about it. Since my last post on kundalini, I have run into one guy who assures me it is demonic and requires deliverance and adherence to a more pure form of Christianity. I find this sad, because I am sadly familiar with demonic activity and that never has anything to do with love, self discipline, or breaking of addictions such as drugs or pornography. Quite to the contrary when a demon is very much present in a life or attempting to subjugate a person's will. However, I have come to a better understanding of what it means to have free will and less concern when I run into people who are exercising their own. That person would not engage in discussion with me, in fact almost seemed unwilling to admit this was his position to me even though I asked him directly and his ideas were plain in something he had written. It was as if he did not expect someone who was experiencing "K" to ask him. Maybe he feared a fight about it, but, I don't care to bother with that. No need for it. I was interested in why he believed this after allegedly being an instructor of it for some years and presumably being competent in it at one time.

I will say this, it is like anything else. If you have a phenomenon, you will always have a fake turn up, and one or the other always gets the "demonic" branding. People delude themselves, or want something and so fake it, or else do what they think is really happening and then debunk their own fallacious "experience". 

I have been lucky. I have read an easy dozen reports about real issues some are having with K in their lives. I have read a neurologist claiming it is a mental health crisis in need of drugs to bring to a halt immediately. There have been a few posts about the "nofap" movement which seems to underlie K progression. As usual, there are those who work diligently all the time to make progress deeper into it, and a percentage who want to stop it entirely on the forum my primary mentor works to help people publicly. Some are extreme in dietary considerations, others are like me, just moving on with life the same as before, with occasional experiences of K arising and demanding more attention for a while more than always being at the back of my mind, 24/7.

Like my mentor, who is that because I have chosen him as my example, not that he has accepted me as a student, I feel a clear need to be out here, where I actually do not want to be, willing to talk about it and being available as a source of information for this experience. It is like the rest of the paranormal and religious explorations I have done over my lifetime, I cannot just indulge my own curiosity but do need to tell a few of the stories. 

It does not pay to fan the flames of a supposed paranormal experience and blow it all out of proportion. Experience has shown me that ignoring it and letting it force itself into my awareness and reveal what it actually is about gets me a more accurate assessment of what is truly going on. If it cannot do this, it is not significant enough to warrant me wasting time trying to sort it out. I took this approach with K as well, sort of went to ground after it happened, did not do anything to try to fire it up stronger, researched around, checked with my own known inner sources, took it as it came.

None of the psychotic episodes some describe came close to happening. I have not experienced any of the kriyas which seem very common (autonomous movements of the body apart from being the willed motions of the experiencer, often repetitious). That the energy can communicate clearly is true. Sometimes in bursts of insight, sometimes literal words. Different from Reiki, where you muster the energy and direct it, K has its own will and comes and flows as it wants to. Unlike Reiki, which seems to exist more as a gift for others to help and heal, K is basically all about you, changing you, opening your eyes to your own actions and your own place and significance in All Things. That is not anonymous, though, it points to a divine aspect of All Things. It illuminates an end point reality of being One with All and yet Unique, divinely unique at the same time. This is admittedly a challenging reality to grasp, but, I have seen it, glimpses, and have a vague understanding of where it all goes to. 

At this (extremely early) point, I have to conclude a few things about my experience. It does not pay to be one of those who try to force it to wake up and come into your life. Those seem to be the ones with all the major problems, drama and issues. Not knowing these folks personally, maybe that is how they deal with most things. I have always been more pragmatic and dogged about things. I always meditated a few times a day for short periods and still do. It came on its own. If it really is of God then it can deal with me where it found me. I have done nothing to try to inspire it to greater heights. I have not started yoga (pullease), changed my diet nor cut the wife off. I never had a porn addiction so that has not been something I have to wrestle with now to break. My main addiction was cigarettes and I quit those five years ago but it is not gone. My Dad's death last Winter had me instantly craving a smoke as if I had never quit at all. I had to actually go back on the gum and still chew it now and then trying to re-quit (though I did NOT light up. The pain, though, is real). 

Speaking more as a form of clergy (Vodou) with decades of experience (and not as a K rising person of great experience - which I am NOT), I think some of this extremism is inherent to East meets West and enthusiasm in people wanting to respond to a tremendous experience which seems to be like the very touch of God and divine Love. It is life changing, even for me who already has known that the Love of God is real, transforming and forever. For people who have never known that or perhaps even believed there was Someone Out There who loves them, this is the most important thing in life and they react accordingly. It is self validating, nobody can convince you it is not happening, it is not real and it is not there and alive, if you really have it going on. It got my attention, for all I have ever experienced over my life.

The way I see it, ok, K is here for me, now. So are some other facts of life for me and we will work on it as a team. I am all about God and loving Him back, but, I also have obligations. I am not going to diss the wife, I am not going vegan for anyone, I already do not eat a great deal of meat just because my tastes have changed over time but rules suck. I am not going to call it being a vegetarian. I will go to a steak house with anyone given the chance, and feel no remorse over it. Kundalini is not a religion and I am wary about accepting "rules" which have some of that odor to them, not simply good advice which helps one along the way.

So, what has changed? In my inner world, I am always accompanied with Other now. I am not alone. I knew this before but now, it is quite clear to me. I am beginning to grasp that Other is not really Other the way I thought before, but the word is useful to explain things, still. I see way more clearly than I ever did that free will controls almost everything out here in this experiential reality we share. Yours, mine, his, hers. As a result, you can say I care less about what others think, and you would be right. I deal with dissension a different way these days if I have to deal with it at all. People CHOOSE how they want to think and experience the world, so let them do that. The adults among them will allow you to do the same, the children are the ones who will try to insult and sneer and attack you for not being like them much like a flock of chickens will peck at the one without feathers until they kill it to force conformity. It leaves them with conformity, but not superiority.

There are bigger issues, larger fish to fry as it were, than worrying about opinions. I don't run with the flock, haven't for some time, and I finally see this and what a good deal it turns out to be. Kundalini has opened my eyes to this more clearly than I ever saw it before.

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Goddess of the Mist

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I'm glad you posted about this since I was just wondering about how you were doing today.  I'd like to talk to you more about yoga, though! :)

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Not A Rockstar

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Nothing I say about yoga should be construed as disapproval of it as a practice. It is excellent for many people and can provide a unique road to experiencing Other and coming to know yourself in ways nothing else really offers. It is not for everyone, however.

I been doing fine, just needed time to think and work on my own things, so have reduced my time on UM. Some have been encouraging me to go back into the forum and blog life and I am not sure I want to get back into that but have been pondering what form it would take if I did make a new site and how much support really is there for it. 

Hard to know.

Hugs Misty :) . You are a magnet for a lot of love and good energy.

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