Sometimes I think I’m crazy. Other times the circumstances are so uncanny, I cannot deni them. Walking into circumstances that I approach with a conflicting three part mind is an interesting feeling.
On one hand I know what I have seen. I know what I have experienced. I see the real life circumstances and how they connect and, at least in my mind, there is no way they can be anything other than what they seem.
On the other I am well educated and versed in the quirks and gymnastics of the mind. I know human beings have an incredible ability to create stories, and I am aware of the depths at which a mind can fall even into illness.
Still there is another mind. One of mathematics and logic. One that tells me both the probability of something being real is very minut, yet the probability of the circumstances seem even greater by chance. A mind that is torn between the logic of a scientific mind and the logic of one that values personal experiences.
Spiritual people will tell me to listen, non spiritual will tell me to avoid the mind, but value what others think they have figured out over my own.
I think it’s prudent to listen to both. One foot in each world with attention to the whole.
I have been given something again, a mission of sorts, from that murky other world from those beings that are either angels or my own psychological constructs. Wether it and they exist souly in me or infinitely external and real, I’m obliged to take it. I find myself once again in a position where a person’s life hangs in the balance and only I can help.
If it’s just my mind then what is happening? Does my subconscious pick up on ques and relate the information to me in Lucid trances and constructs, or is it grandiose egoic thinking that I have come to believe ( really believe... not want. I actually don’t want to believe) that I am this person’s only hope.
Am I subconsciously trying to be a super hero of sorts, or in some small fashion am I really one?
I just can’t deni it. When they come to me, they show me things that any reasonable person would be forced to believe. Yet, I’m not so humble to recognize that my mind is different and my internal imagery fairly unique.
Only one thing to do really. Keep going and follow the path. It’s there for a reason. Maybe because I meditate on compassion or maybe because I’m a fricken freak. Who knows as long as someon is helped.
Thanks for listening.