I was asked on Facebook to expand on a comment I made recently about "hitting The Wall" reference the paranormal arena and exploring the same. Overnight, I mulled this over and even dreamed about it - which made me laugh even inside the dream to realize what I was doing. It will help you to read an earlier post I wrote here, "So You Want To Learn About The Occult". I reread that today and am going to build on that more than repeat myself.
In hindsight, the Occult and the inner psychology of the person pursuing it are integrally linked. I began my pursuit of it because of things I could see and knew about which nobody else around me did and which when I asked, I was strongly discouraged from as "bad things". You are bad if you knew about them, bad if you did them.
But, I was not bad. I am not bad. Perhaps not your favorite person, but, not bad. Not evil. What I began with came of its own accord, I had no knowledge of it when I dealt with the shadowy mean man who tormented my sleep and dreams before I was five. His name was Robert and he died in the trailer we lived in, he said. He did not like me, he did not want me there, and he messed with me because I could see him. Nobody else did. I did not even understand death yet, I had never heard of a ghost, and in a reality where I believed my parent knew everything, it was shattering to find out they did not believe me when I told them about him. If anything, they smiled about my imaginary friend.
He was no friend, but, I did have a few of those, little shining kids that now, I can liken to how we imagine fairies look, but, I did not know about fairies either back then. The shining kids taught me how to keep Robert out of my room. This was the early 60's and we did not have one of those new things called televisions yet. I had a toy Bugs Bunny who did not talk or anything. We were poor. When I was 5 I asked for one of the new Bugsy toys that had a pull string and would say "What's up, Doc?" when you pulled it. The only fairy tales I knew about was the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. When I was about 6, Mom told me the truth. That was sad, but, not as rough as learning so early that my parents did not know everything after all, nor could they protect me from Robert. They could not even see Robert.
Robert was just an earthbound, mean natured old man who lingered to do things he could and put off moving on, I know now, but, he was scary and posed a question I wanted answers to as I got older. There were other experiences, and hitting my teens in the 70's means I walked right into one of the biggest explosions of New Age ideas and notions we may have ever had to that point in the West.
I am going to shift gears and focus here, because we are talking about The Wall, and how one hits it and what it means and what it does.
It was an explosion in the 70's culturally, of free thought and free love and Peace, at war with how things had always been and the Vietnam War. It was, really, an end to Innocence for our culture in many ways. This passion for new ideas brought a lot of Eastern Mysticism into the West and an infinite number of new ideas got explored during those years. I like the word "psychonaut" for these seekers. Astronauts of the mind, and what it can and cannot do. The drug culture of the times plays into this as well.
One wrong idea which I did not believe then and still do not, was that anyone at all could do anything they wanted to occultly speaking. Anyone can read Tarot, anyone can be a medium, anyone can do the Ouija Boards, anyone can be a Magician. A bit later into it all, the psychonauts of the time discovered Shamanism. One could get high on LSD and call it a religious experience, a "journey". Wicca was born in this era, Scientology got new wind in its sails, but seekers were changing from older paradigms and running headlong after "faster" and "easier" and equating this with truth too freely. I remember the "Age of Aquarius" was gushed over all the time, as being upon us all and when the very heavens opened and was pouring out all this spiritual enlightenment and wisdom to us.
Not so much. Searching in those years, I saw a lot of drugs and heard a lot of stupid beliefs which could not pass the most basic of thinking through the logic it claimed. Much of that crap is gone now, but, there are a few oldies that get rediscovered now and then and trotted back out as new revelations.
What has always been true is that there is a body of occultic (hidden) data some call "wisdom". It is protected naturally by disbelief, discipline, talent, time, commitment. The value in it depends who you ask. Skeptics, the failures, the True Believers will all tell you very different values for it.
The Wall is what I came to call the natural road blocks I ran into as I pursued everything I could get to about the Occult and myself and what I could do. Symptoms of one varied from minor forms to extreme ones and could include: discouragement, failures, life sometimes in chaos and going very wrong, "gifts" clouding up and not working like they once were starting to, troubles in life and family or finances, and typically also had a marked interference paranormally, as in seeing more entities, confusion, or unwanted manifestations or occurrences. Needless to say this made mental stress shoot up. Depression, mental and emotional exhaustion, freakish dreams, and if not dealt with suicidal and morbid thoughts could creep in. Psychotic breaks, even schizophrenia can manifest. The further you go if you beat one Wall, the next one is worse. Things of this nature are protected. Your own body, mind and self will do it.
There are a lot of people I run across who experiment with things like the Tarot, Ouija Boards, seances or haunted houses and then start freaking out over supposed things happening, their dreams being bad and scary, sounds, shadows, and more. I watch skeptics deal with such claims by saying it is all in their head, imagination, there is nothing inherently spooky about any of these things, no ghosts.
I agree with them, to about 95%, which might surprise you to read. There IS nothing "portal opening" or "hell unleashing" about tarot or the Ouija in themselves. They are just physical items which some people ascribe other meanings to. What your problem is, if you are suffering "hauntings" from them or fear or nightmares is how YOU relate to them and how your mind is trained to interpret what they are and do. If under it all you do think the Ouija Board is a portal that interacts with bad things, if under it all you are scared of it or think it is evil to mess with, then you will have issues. This is rooted in your own psyche, your own guilt, your own reality. You need to learn from hitting this little Wall, and back off and stop with the stupid and accept this about yourself. Do what your belief system needs to flush the bad away from you and move on.
OR, you need to face what it all reveals about your own reality and limits and truths and deal with those, deal with your subconscious (or shadow self) and start working on changing in ways you choose and see as more true and right. For some, the best answer is to become a skeptic and deny it all and close that door of potential forever for this life. For others, it begins a dark road towards eventual madness, futility, and/or achieving Mastery. There are a great many Walls ahead after the first ones. This is not fast, it takes a lifetime or longer. It is not a hobby.
I recently read a poster here claiming a lot of things and all of it was classic Wall. There was also abuse in the person's youth, but that is incidental for an Adept and sadly common. The better you know yourself the easier it becomes to process such trauma. I have gone through this and so I do know what I am saying. The trouble is that in the early stages of the effort to learn and explore seeming "gifts", the natural progression is pure ego, which rises fast towards a degree of mania with some success and while these people can struggle like a fly in fly tape against a Wall, they won't see it. They reject the need for help, they reject advice unless it caters to their ideas, they are convinced they are wiser than pretty much anyone else who does not agree with them and that they are alright, really. Anyone who thinks they are alright is someone who has no idea what they are talking about, but, are close enough to not hurt many folks.
The good thing is that the early Walls can be recovered from through almost anything out there. Go to a religion and adhere for some structure, go to therapy, become a skeptic (structure also). You need a reality pattern to accept and imprint to get back into the fabric of "reality".
Some roads, after a point, this is not going to work and you really need to have experienced Elders or top notch spiritual guides to help you navigate safely. Vodou is a tradition which features Elders and a hierarchy to provide guidance and some protections. Some others have this in some form. Most do not, and you need to ask the question "why not?" because if it does not make any, then why waste your own time on it?
Others say they are eclectic, and don't need all that rank and authority garbage (because they are their own humble and benevolent and all wise king or queen). OK, so why are you posting to strangers for help or advice, then?
Others ask how one gets Guides like that to help them do more and better? This goes back to "you can be anything you want to be". Nice words but not true. I will never be a rock star this lifetime. It was never going to happen. Makes no difference what I want. You have everything you need to become what you came here to do. If being an adept shaman was among those things to do for you, you have the guides already who will help you achieve what you need to do. If it wasn't in your own original plan, you won't. Makes no difference what you want.
But, there are some options to pursue.
************ end of part 1************ part 2 in a couple days