It has been a while since I last wrote about my Kundalini adventure, which started over six months ago. Before writing this, I went back and read over what I have written about it before, and the one thing that stood out to me is how very much change has been going on since those posts were written. They seem as if I wrote them a lot longer ago.
Daily, I read on the forum I met my mentor at, to learn from the experiences of others. By far, most talk about physical manifestations and issues. Kriyas, cramping and burning pain are the more common complaints. I find this a bit ironic as I have MS and so those are realities in my life anyway, and for me, the past seven months have been astonishingly free of physical trials like that. Once I had to go and even locate my meds to take a pill for cramping. Once. I haven't needed to take any of them in so long I had to find them. Mind you, I never did take them daily. I am bad about that and pills, and only did when I was having a bad phase anyway. One day is all and it was not that severe, really. I am not trying to say it is the K that did that, just that I am having a long running good period which coincides with K rising for me.
My chronic depression is basically gone. It is very hard to stay in the pits emotionally when you feel so much love all the time in every breath you take. The early upheavals in my life when it first came in have subsided. Several people have left my life, a few new faces have turned up as friends as it has readjusted my immediate world.
I used to try very hard to be pleasant to people and make friends. That has changed. I still have never met a stranger, I get that from my Dad who loved to talk to anyone at all he met, but I do it because I want to now, and the idea of making a friend is not there. My head is elsewhere, to be honest about it, and unless something really gets my attention I run on auto-pilot for the most part and write in it, as well. My mind is on Spirit, on ideas and thoughts apart from what I need to do day to day. It is sort of like meditating all the time despite walking and talking and doing things. The whole old "be friendly" issue, learned to overcome the PTSD and depression is not there anymore. Be my friend if you want to, don't be one if you choose that, I like you anyway.
How it feels now, I do not get the hot or cold waves much at all. It is a sort of cool sensation ranging to warm, but neither extreme. Problem being it is cold now with winter and I can be cold even in a coat when it ranges into the cool side of it too long, or uncomfortably warm. That can be crazy, but, is minor. It paid off this summer when I just never really got too hot even when it hit the upper 90's here. Handy, given we do not run air conditioning here in the old farmhouse. After so many months of this, I don't think it can be brushed off as delusional or passing. The wave effect happens when it is more active - meditating usually.
The abilities I had before are more sensitive now. I have given a few sessions the past months which are among the better ones I have ever been able to do to help people, but, on the other hand, I only give them if the K responds and lets me know to offer to help this one or that. There is nothing emotional about it, nor sentimental either. The people it chose were ready and needed what I was able to see and offer. I was just the means to that end, a cog in the machine, much like the medium who contacted me cold and gave me a message that made no sense to her from a spirit did, and to me, it was exactly what I needed to hear from my Dad to validate his survival after death. Easy for her, beyond taking the risk of writing something weird to a stranger on reddit, but tremendous for me. Life changing even. Having something you believed but had no independent proof of validated convincingly like that is huge.
The advice I got early on into this to relax and accept and surrender to it, has been good for me. I have worked for years, decades even, to clear a lot of trash and negatives in life out of my reality, and so was perhaps more ready for it than I had supposed. I know these other people posting to be honest folks, trying to explain something they barely have words for. I feel that way myself. They have trouble with it coming in. It is easy to focus on that and think that is all it is about. But, every poster gets responses from experienced people who have overcome it, are stable and doing well, and there are many more who do not post, like me, because I am not in a crisis now with it. I have worked with energies for decades, too. This is just way bigger and inside and not wholly unlike my experiences as a younger person with the Holy Ghost and the Pentecostal phase, except that this is all the time, doesn't come and go on demand. No dogma comes along with it, no religious twisting or rules or demands or crazy claims of what it is supposed to do and what is wrong and evil and "of the devil".
I do have a better answer now of what K is. It is the raw life energy, coiled up in the root chakra of us all. It is life, it connects remorselessly to life, and ultimately, Life is the Divine, Creative Force which penetrates all of Creation and is Creator. That is what K is to me. I am so far from being god-like or even divine, but she isn't, and it gives me a very close and constant sense of Creator's Benevolence and Love toward all of Creation. It becomes like I am better able to respond to that benevolence more directly through her, I perceive it more clearly than I used to, and it has been an awakening beyond anything I knew we really could experience here, so far.
I am just a baby in Kundalini, no way some expert guru or anything of the sort. I write about this in my blog once in a while to perhaps offer a different perspective on how it can be, as so many only hear the bad side of it if they hear about it at all. So far, she has been really good to me, gentle even, and I am thankful for this entering my life.
I write to serve.