What have I done?
Recently I walked away from my martial arts school that I have owned for nearly 20 years. Despite the usual shenanigans that go on inside my head, I was feeling trapped and that I had done everything that could within the scope of my vision. Don’t get me wrong, I loved teaching kids jujitsu, kickboxing, and wing chun and all the other variations and conglomerates of martial arts I have picked up over the years, but something has changed in me.
Im not sure exactly what it is, but my mind is no longer aggressive enough in business to fight for market share through marketing, or wide enough to deal with the hundreds of relationships I had the keep track of in my mind.
Those of you who know me, know at the same time running my business I was taking care of three little boys all the time, then teaching in the evening. Let’s not even get started with the crazy dream life I have and managing the crazy junk that happens to me in those deep places.
My blood pressure was shooting through the roof, and spirit guide bluntly informed my I was on a one way ticket to truely becoming one with the earth permanently. I confirmed with my doctor. Medication never seems to affect me, and she told me that if I don’t get my BP down, I won’t make it to 50. I’ll be 40 in a few weeks.
I finally got the message and took the necessary steps. It was very hard for me. Much of my identify is tied up with my school along with 90% of my relationships. People are mad at me, disappointed, and sad. I have special relationships working with many autistic kids because the community knows I can reach them. I had taking all their cases on in a very personal way. But just like I walked away from all stuff happening as White Crane Feather a few years ago, I have had to draw boundaries for my normal ego as well. I have lots to talk about with this actually, but I’m just sort of free writing at the moment.
The answer is a lot but nothing. I have decided that the second half of my life will be the result of deep thought and experience. I’m lucky enough to have a mind that can make money anywhere anytime, so I have no problems with finances, so at least for a year my career is a career of me.
What does that mean?
It means before I step into my next adventure in life, I am going to take all of that energy I had been giving to others all those years and focus it completely on optimizing myself and my roll as a father and husband.
1) Mental. I’m in the process of further exploring eveything about my own psyche, attitudes, habits, beliefs, and though processes. I want to optimize my brain to its fullest potential and capacity for joy, intelligence, compassion, knowledge and relationship to others.
2) physical. I want to be 25 again. I’m going to optimize my functional abilities, strength, endurance, and flexibility. I don’t want to be in shape in the body builder sense, but more like I was when I was younger. I want my body to again be capable of doing nearly anything I ask it to. Climb a rope, swim a river, hike a mountain, you name it. I’m olerating at about 50% now due to injuries, age, and yes some neglect.
3) Spiritual. I want to reconnect with my guides, and put to use all this deep knowledge of the inner worlds I seem to have forest gummped my way into. That does mean helping others like I used to but with boundaries. I’m going to seek out plant medicines, and discover why the things have gone they way they have for me. I defiantly lead a unique spiritual life, but I want to fully embrace it and explore its fullest potential.
This is just a start. For my 41st year I’m going to renew myself in amazing ways. I’m going to obsorb books and subjects ranging from optimal nutrition, to nurotropics and relationship building. Everything I learn will be to further optimize myself and my relationship to others, this world, the other world, and my physical body.
Follow along. You might want to apply some of it to yourself.
Thanks for reading. I’m learning that sharing is part of experiencing something and your presence keeps me motivated. I have spent so much learning alone in my mind, and it’s just not as joyouse unless you can bring someone else into that joy with me. Let’s do this.
P.S I’m not going to be editing all that much, and I type pretty fast with my thumbs, so deal with it.