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A Career of Me

A blog by White Crane Feather in General

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White Crane Feather

Entry posted by White Crane Feather

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What have I done? 

Recently I walked away from my martial arts school that I have owned for nearly 20 years. Despite the usual shenanigans that go on inside my head, I was feeling trapped and that I had done everything that could within the scope of my vision. Don’t get me wrong, I loved teaching kids jujitsu, kickboxing, and wing chun and all the other variations and conglomerates of martial arts I have picked up over the years, but something has changed in me. 

Im not sure exactly what it is, but my mind is no longer aggressive enough in business to fight for market share through marketing, or wide enough to deal with the hundreds of relationships I had the keep track of in my mind.

Those of you who know me, know at the same time running my business I was taking care of three little boys all the time, then teaching in the evening. Let’s not even get started with the crazy dream life I have and managing the crazy junk that happens to me in those deep places.

My blood pressure was shooting through the roof, and spirit guide bluntly informed my I was on a one way ticket to truely becoming one with the earth permanently. I confirmed with my doctor. Medication never seems to affect me, and she told me that if I don’t get my BP down, I won’t make it to 50. I’ll be 40 in a few weeks. 

I finally got the message and took the necessary steps. It was very hard for me. Much of my identify is tied up with my school along with 90% of my relationships. People are mad at me, disappointed, and sad. I have special relationships working with many autistic kids because the community knows I can reach them. I had taking all their cases on in a very personal way. But just like I walked away from all stuff happening as White Crane Feather a few years ago, I have had to draw boundaries for my normal ego as well. I have lots to talk about with this actually, but I’m just sort of free writing at the moment.

What next? 

The answer is a lot but nothing. I have decided that the second half of my life will be the result of deep thought and experience. I’m lucky enough to have a mind that can make money anywhere anytime, so I have no problems with finances, so at least for a year my career is a career of me. 

What does that mean?

It means before I step into my next adventure in life, I am going to take all of that energy I had been giving to others all those years and focus it completely on optimizing myself and my roll as a father and husband.

1) Mental. I’m in the process of further exploring eveything about my own psyche, attitudes, habits, beliefs, and though processes. I want to optimize my brain to its fullest potential and capacity for joy, intelligence, compassion, knowledge and relationship to others. 

2) physical. I want to be 25 again. I’m going to optimize my functional abilities, strength, endurance, and flexibility. I don’t want to be in shape in the body builder sense, but more like I was when I was younger. I want my body to again be capable of doing nearly anything I ask it to. Climb a rope, swim a river, hike a mountain, you name it. I’m olerating at about 50% now due to injuries, age, and yes some neglect. 

3) Spiritual. I want to reconnect with my guides, and put to use all this deep knowledge of the inner worlds I seem to have forest gummped my way into. That does mean helping others like I used to but with boundaries. I’m going to seek out plant medicines, and discover why the things have gone they way they have for me. I defiantly lead a unique spiritual life, but I want to fully embrace it and explore its fullest potential. 

This is just a start. For my 41st year I’m going to renew myself in amazing ways. I’m going to obsorb books and subjects ranging from optimal nutrition, to nurotropics and relationship building. Everything I learn will be to further optimize myself and my relationship to others, this world, the other world, and my physical body. 

Follow along. You might want to apply some of it to yourself. 

Thanks for reading. I’m learning that sharing is part of experiencing something and your presence keeps me motivated. I have spent so much learning alone in my mind, and it’s just not as joyouse unless you can bring someone else into that joy with me. Let’s do this. 

P.S I’m not going to be editing all that much, and I type pretty fast with my thumbs,  so deal with it. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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little_dreamer

little_dreamer 1,067

Posted

Good luck with your journey.   I think the most important thing for you right now is your health.  It would be a great benefit for you and your kids to be a healthy and happy person.  

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spartan max2

spartan max2 35,390

Posted (edited)

It's a mid-life crisis ahhh!!! 

I'm only joking, I was always curious what age you were, 41.

I think a change is good for you. Our mind is designed for new expierences. I feel like one of the sad things that happens to people is we get stuck in a rut we don't want to be in. 

I'm sure the kids loved you, but when it's time to move on it's time to move on.

One of the things I always say to myself "I didn't come this far to only come this far".  

Edited by spartan max2
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White Crane Feather

White Crane Feather 5,752

Posted

I’m turning 40 in a few weeks. Yes I suppose it is a mid life crisis. I have always liked what I do, but honestly the prospect of moving into my 50s and never doing anything else seems a little frightening. 

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Not A Rockstar

Not A Rockstar 9,188

Posted

I resisted my "mid life crisis" until it almost killed me, too. It was scary but also the best thing I ever did. 

Now, at times, I look back and wish I had some of the things from the life had I stayed in it, but, truth is, I don't need them and in many ways it is as if that is a past life now. I have often thought that some of us get lucky enough to cover the ground of two lives in one if we just get through an extreme makeover in our 40's somewhere, roughly. If I changed anything, it would alter where I am now and I like where I am for the most part, so nah. I am ok with where I have walked, these 59 years here.

I knew that if I stayed on that road, I would not live another 10 years for sure, so, I changed. That was about what? 13, 14 years ago now? I even know the next check point :) 

It is all good, and it is all good for you, too, though getting there can at times be hairy LOL. 

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spartan max2

spartan max2 35,390

Posted (edited)

What's your plans White Crane now that you aren't teaching martial arts? Career whise, any plans in the work.

Edited by spartan max2
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White Crane Feather

White Crane Feather 5,752

Posted (edited)

Yes all kinds of things actually. That is the problem. Like I mentioned I’m not making any long term hardcore decisions for a year and for this year at least it’s going to be a career of me. I may end up an economics high school teacher, physicist, or repair glass. I’m not really sure at the moment. They key is to be my optimal self when I make those decisions. 

Edited by White Crane Feather
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White Crane Feather

White Crane Feather 5,752

Posted (edited)

It’s actually amazing that I can can skip words that should be there even in my own writing. I still read it the way I intended, but my mind skips words. Im finding this fascinating. I’ll go back and fix it soon. 

Edited by White Crane Feather
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Wistman

Wistman 34,895

Posted

I think the mid life crisis is a tool of evolution.  Taking stock at the half-way point to make the necessary adjustments is wisdom itself.  Problem is, many people just upgrade their possessions or spouses so they can mindlessly re-invigorate the path they were already on.  Not wisdom.

Best of luck to you, WCF.  I think you're being very wise.

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