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Carlos Allende

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2019 predictions...

Carlos Allende

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Here's my predictions for what'll happen in 2019. Not so much in a psychic sense (ALTHOUGH THERE IS THAT), more as if I was a bow-tie wearing expert in a Sky News fluff piece --and they're letting me wear my own clothes (ostentatious leather jacket plus Swindon Town Wembley scarf). For ease of reading, I'll divide the shizzle into 'Good News', 'Indifferent News', 'Bad News'.

Good News.

* Coca-Cola will reintroduce Tab Clear into UK supermarkets.

* Corbo will finesse a vote of no confidence, lose, No Deal Brexit will come to pass and no one will be eaten by the Millennium Bug. 

* Terminator 6 will be weirdly successful, both with critics and punters.

* Interest rates will rise and fall like no one's ever seen before.

* Huge snowstorms will engulf major American cities, and at the press conference, a reporter will ask Trump about global warming: he'll pull a face and say something stupid and the ultimate meme will be born, which schoolkids will still be studying hundreds of years from now (after global warming is proved to be rubbish).

* Swindon Town will end third in League Two.

* Royal Mail will release Blakes 7 stamps.

Indifferent News.

* A faulty Vape charger will catch fire and cause the Houses of Parliament to be evacuated.

* Kevin Spacey will make a further rape allegation Youtube video, this time in the guise of John Doe from 'Se7en'.

* Zinedine Zidane will be the new Man United manager.

* Elon Musk will begin researching holograms, and no one will be impressed.

* The Simpsons will end.

* Prince Philip will not die.

* The new Bond film will not feature a romance subplot.

Bad News.

* Clinton Cards will go into administration.

* Libt ards will start making a fuss about too many toys being made of plastic.

* RT will be banned from broadcasting in the UK following more Putin shinnanegans.

* The radio host James Whale will explode.

 

 

 

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