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missymoo999's Blog

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Feeling Better

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Simbi Laveau

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Life goes on.  My life tales are made for an Agony Aunt. 

I'm definately feeling more like myself. Slowly extricating all the feelings.

He helped by telling me how lame he thinks I am, so it made it much easier this time.

.I'm lame because I loved him apparently . Yes really.

He said he likes a challenge. He's a hunter. I was like shooting fish in a barrel by expressing heart felt feelings .

Mmmkay.

I do still care about him, but i honestly wonder, if I ever did make him mad , if he wouldn't hurt me physically. 

I seem to evoke these feelings that make him seethe..

He says he would never hit a woman,but I think he would hurt me.....he literally doesn't  see me as a woman is all I can take away from it. That also helped me move forward finally. I'm VERY much a woman, so... 

Very sad to me, but I had to face the reality of all of it.

*hangs head*

I tried to make the situation more bearable, for both of us, but, as always... *rolls eyes*, my actions were thwarted. 

Always, always always, the same person doing the thwarting. I'm 100% sure they have a personal interest. They deny it but,.... and hey, it seems to be on his waterline. 

Water seeks its own level. She does. They flirt endlessly. He treats her with respect. 

So.... Mazel tov. I cannot compete. *shrugs*

In any case, I'm trying to stay perky. Things to see, places to go, people to hang out with .

There's someone else whispering in my ear suddenly.

I have known them for many many years. Had a huge crush on them at one point.... but dunno... He's more like a big brother to me now.. I do love him , a lot, but I'm not sure romantic involvement... is a good idea... 

People are saying, "GO FOR IT!", but it could complicate various friendships I have, and what if it doesn't work out? I don't do the staying friends thing very well. 

I could lose him forever then. I think I would die of a very broken heart if I lost him forever.  

Odd though. Isn't it? You love some people sooooo profoundly, on so many levels, and you'd turn your life upside down just to be with them. A complete GO FOR IT situation......a do or die... the feelings make you want to die...   a white hot passion that makes you ache. 

But then this other person, who's love is platonic, but *so* important to you, you just won't cross that line, for fear of losing them. 

Which is the greater love then? I'm truely flummoxed by my unusual knee jerk response to this. I'd have thrown myself at him immediately if this was when I first met him. Or even 5 years after I first met him... 

I just don't get it..... *ponders*

I'm weird. What can I say. 

I thank UM for letting me convaless here, and putting up with my mellow drama. You guys are awesome. 

*blows kisses to all of you*

 

 

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