Get out of the damn boat
The burden of our interior freedom
(In the end, we all choose)
The graces of My mercy are drawn by means of one vessel only, and that is—trust. The more a soul trusts, the more it will receive. Souls that trust boundlessly are a great comfort to Me, because I pour all the treasures of My graces into them. I rejoice that they ask for much, because it is My desire to give much, very much. On the other hand, I am sad when souls ask for little, when they narrow their hearts. —
Jesus to St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary, n. 1578
In all my years as a monk, my greatest obstacle to my abandonment into God’s Love is my fear of total trust. It has been slow going for me. Yet, as time moves forward I am finding, through God’s grace, that my inner freedom to trust, is growing. Grace allows me to work against my own tendency to make God in my own image and likeness. Which is not a very comforting proposition.
If God were ‘like me’, then there would be resentments that I have struggled to let go of. An outburst of irrational anger even if known only by me in my interior. Often as well a deep inner battle to forgive those who have wronged me. My idea of justice when in a ‘bad’ state looks more like revenge than anything else. So when I make God into my own image and likeness, what is worshipped is one of the old gods of mankind. Forces of nature, bigger, meaner, and more unstable than I am. The only way to overcome that is to dismantle the idols through trust in the love and compassion of the Father as shown us by Christ Jesus.
So to trust in God, to let go of fear, does take a death to self that moves towards self-destructive beliefs, and behaviors. To fear only feeds such a way of dealing with life.
If you do not succeed in taking advantage of an opportunity, do not lose your peace, but humble yourself profoundly before Me and, with great trust, immerse yourself completely in My mercy. In this way, you gain more than you have lost, because more favor is granted to a humble soul than the soul itself asks for…
—Jesus to St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary, n. 1361
There is always a new beginning, a starting over, no how late in life it is. In our lives, we are always being called by God’s mercy and love to return to Him. It is a hard truth for me to accept, but I step forward in faith, and I have never been disappointed. It is only when I refuse, that I can sink into isolation and despair. Over the years I have learned to bypass the isolation and despair, by not dwelling on my failures or struggles, but on the love of Jesus Christ for me, as well as for all. This also helps me to forgive let go of hurts and resentment. Though I am still a work in progress.
Get out of the damn boat
Get out of the boat and step on the waves,
no fear can overcome when trust is present,
when the eye is on Christs’ love
and not on one’s misery,
for love is stronger than death,
and grace overcomes all wounds and sorrow—Br.MD