Sitting with an elderly monk on Good Friday

Br. Alan, entered the Monastery in 1948, so he is one of our seniors, in fact, the oldest member of our community at this time.  He is one of those people who age slowly.   Until he was around 93 he would still get around with no need of help.  When he was in his 80’s he zipped around like a young man.  He always had a fast walk and loved to work.  He was also our accountant for many years.

His years have caught up with him, so he is now full time in our infirmary and needs round the clock care.  He is still active in some ways.  He can’t walk anymore, but his mind is active and he does like to read, and of course, after years in a monastery he loves to pray. 

He has his good days, and his bad days, just like anyone else.  Overall, he is handling his last few miles of life quite well.   There are times of confusion, but for the most part, he is quite lucid.  He can feed himself, though we now have been giving him, “Thick-it”, which helps to make fluids easier to swallow and protects him (more or less) from aspirating.  That is from him swallowing food and it goes into his lungs, leading to aspiration-pneumonia. 

At night he needs to have someone with him.   So at this time, the monks are taking turns sitting with him during the night, until 3:30 AM, when the first shift starts.  I do that shift twice a week, and three more in the afternoon.  It is good to be back in the Infirmary, though I am happy that I am not in charge. 

I did have a sitting shift with Alan this morning from 2-3:30 AM.  It is usually a quiet time, and this morning it was no different.  So I sat right outside his door and prayed the Rosary very slowly.   It keeps me awake and helps the time to pass swiftly. 

The small chapel we have in our Infirmary is just 30 feet down, so I sat facing the chapel while I prayed.  Sometimes when I pray, which I am sure is the experience of many who seek communion with God on a daily basis, I find myself feeling oneness with all humans, past, present, and future.  Sometimes when I make a spiritual communion, this feeling can be very strong.

Each room in our infirmary has seen the last hours, days, months, and for a small few, years of our monk’s lives.  For instance the room Br. Alan is in has embraced a number of monks who have passed on into eternity.  Fr. Bob is one such monk.  He was my novice master, an artist, and was an architect before he entered the community, in I think the early 50’s.  He was an officer during the Second World War. 

Fr. Augustine Moore also had that room.  He was very easy to take care of and was our Abbot when I entered until 1980.  I was with him when he died, but sadly it was in the hospital.  Had to take him in for comfort measures.  After testing they found that he was suffering from a prolonged heart attack.  After they put him in ICU and gave him some Ativan, and relaxed, he let go and died peacefully. 

Yea, each room has it story, and one day, my story will most likely end in one of these rooms.

So sitting there, on Good Friday morning, it is not too hard to meditate with Jesus, as he waited in a prison-cell at the High Priest house to be taken to Pilate.   Death is seldom pleasant. So it is not always comfortable to think about my own demise.  Sitting with Jesus, and trying to experience just a little of what he went through, seems to help me come to terms with my finale moment ever-accelerating towards me.  Even twenty years in the future, if I live that long, will be here in a ‘snap’. 

It seems absurd to many any belief in God, or in some sort of transcendent future.  I understand I have some doubts, but they have never trumped over my faith.  Jesus draws near to those who trust.   May we all learn to trust in God’s love for each of us and let us pray that all will come to experience the love of God who became one of us, suffered like us, and still lives out his passion in each of our lives.—Br.MD