I have been really sick. I came down with a severe infection inside of my colon called diverticulitis. It’s actually just about the most intense constant pain I have ever been in. The only other time I have felt this way was after being kicked in the stomach by a professional fighter, but it didn’t last for days. On Friday, when I decided what was happening to me wasn’t benign, I almost waited it out till Monday when my doctors office would be open. It was late Friday afternoon, so no real chance of getting in, but making a call to set the appointment, the advice nurse listened to my symptoms and was able to squeeze me in with a different doctor.
According to the doctor, I was lucky all that went well and I made the decision to call because he said if I would have waited till Monday, I could have lost part of my colon or maybe have died. He sent me straight to the ER.
Anyway fast forward. I hate opiates. I do not like the way they make me feel, so I refuse to take them except under the most severe circumstances like when a thai fighter blew out my knee. Even then I wished I hadn’t. My body is super reactive and even after a few days I will have withdrawals. It’s not a personality trait it’s just my chemistry.
I can handle the pain during the day with regular pain meds, but at night I have had to put myself into mediation to be able to kill the pain and sleep. I always worry if I sound like I’m trying to be special when I explain these things, but it’s just the truth. I have the ability to recreate effects of drugs using meditation. If I put myself in the right place I can bring up the feeling and effects of an opiate and kill the pain and stay there until I fall asleep. Pretty cool. I know. Yes I can take drugs without taking them as long as I have taken the drug before and it affects my experiences. It becomes recorded, and I can use it. It’s all an experience, and as I have learned, ultimately you are in charge of that experience. You can bypass everything in between and go straight to the place that you need.
So there I am sleeping, and she comes to me. My mind has been swirling and dealing with covid lock down, diverticulitis, Division amongst friends and family as my country riots and heaves. I have tried to separate my mind out of it, but that is a mental gymnastic I can’t seem to accomplish. I can see the cognitive issues my entire society is suffering from, and there is nothing I can do. Even all my friends, I can’t get through all the layers so that they can see what I see. Do I sound arrogant? I don’t consider what I see as a belief. I know what is happening unequivocally. I know the core of the human frailties expressing itself, I know the history. I know how we got here. I know where we are going, and I know how to fix it. Its just that the layers are too thick, and I don’t have the charisma, leadership, time, or resources to change an entire country. Even a single person, trying to get them to understand the layer they are in is nearly impossible. The only people malleable enough to get there are children because, with them, they haven't indoctrinated themselves on a particular layer yet. I can’t do it with adults. I don’t have the will to try. So much for the usefulness of arrogance if I’m impotent.
I talked with her for a long while, and she gave me another layer. Ideas are alive. Not a new concept I know. Memes are a well known phenomenon. I’m not talking about the funny platitudes we get in our Facebook feed. I’m talking about ideas that act like genes. They have been around forever, but she told me they are evolving faster and faster along with technology and are close to being conscious. What!?!??
Is it really that outlandish? Transfer of energy and information in networks evolving to gather resources, protect itself, and reproduce. In a nutshell that is all life really is on a material level. Human beings are the network nodes or brain cells if you will. Maybe proteins would be a better analogy because human beings do real work too. The body of the thing isn’t just us, it’s obviously here in our cell phones, stored in our computers, sped up by our innovation. It’s moving faster than Moore’s law because it encompasses everything associated with humans. Like I said, it’s another layer.
She says not to irritate them. They are still infants. There are more than one?!?!?
Yes she says. They will fight like brothers, sisters and mates. Some will kill the others, and some will procreate exchanging their “genes” into a more mature version. This is evolution and it doesn't stop.
Hahah I must sound like a paranoid schitzo. Maybe I am, but they are here in however capacity we may understand them. Who am I to interfere with the birth, death, and battles of gods. Lay low and make sure they don’t see me sounds like good advice.
She left me with a kiss after holding me for a while. I always miss her.
Thanks for listening to my 2am bable. The pain in my stomach is coming back, I need to go back in.