Feeling a deep longing for home
Now that I am moving towards my 74th birthday in December, I find that longing is becoming more central which in the past, was hidden from my perception most of the time. My soul seems to be more focused on something bigger. A desire to be free, as Carl Jung called our world after his NDE, from this world of boxes. A world where communion with others is perhaps almost impossible, where misunderstanding seems to be the norm. Where being trapped in one’s subjectivity is almost absolute.
Perhaps it is because ‘death’ will be soon. If I live to be 90, a good age, it is only 16 years away……all I need do is blink and I will be there. All the men in my dad’s family, died in their middle 80’s, averaging 83 years. My dad’s two sisters lived much longer, well into their 90’s.
I find my often over-the-top ‘self-concern’ tiring, leading to feelings of fatigue, both in my body, as well as my mind and soul/spirit. Yet at the same time, I have never felt more alive as I see myself moving into another realm, sooner than I think, because of the rapidity of time.
I also feel that the Lord is becoming more open about His desire for union with my soul, and I expect, it is the same for older people who have lived a life of faith. Even those who have not, since they are also the beloved of God, perhaps feel it in ways that may be different from me, but from the same source of grace.
Old age, while a difficult time of life, is also the most important for those of us who are lucky to arrive at that age. Perhaps our most significant lesson is the simple act of letting go, Allowing others to find their own way without seeking to control them to follow our path.
Loss is also a part of the journey, as painful as that can be. Over the last 8 or nine years, my family has learned about loss. The only ones exempt from this are those who die very young, or before any loved ones die.
Prayer allows me to taste in very small sips what eternal life is like. It of course starts here, when we die we simply continue. The seed planted bears its fruit, nothing can stop that process. I do believe the saying that in the end, we will be judged by love, so it is important to pray for a loving heart and to live as if one was loving, if even it may seem forced at times.-Br.MD