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tcgram's Blog

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Most days I feel I have my grief about losing my husband under control.  I can talk of him without getting sad and it makes me feel better to say his name out loud.   However, yesterday and today were fresh reminders of the void he left.   I went through mental health training for work yesterday.   I was doing well until we had to watch a video about a widower and his son, dealing with their grief.   The actor who portrayed the widower was very good, his pain was palpable.   Out of nowhere, I felt that all too familiar stab of pain and had to go to the bathroom to not start crying in front of everyone.   

Today the nurse who is taking care of my mom's dialysis remembered my husband as she is one of the nurses in the dialysis unit at the hospital.   She told me how wonderful he was and so upbeat.   She loved having him there.   Another stab of pain, this time I broke down in the locker room at the gym in front of my best friend.   I couldn't help it.    It really is true, you never "get over" losing someone close to your heart, you simply learn to live with it and move on.     Maybe in time I will not break down so much, but losing the love of my life is one of the hardest if not the hardest thing I have ever had to endure.   I sincerely hope if you have loved ones you let them know every day you love them because tomorrow is not promised to any of us.  


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When my father passed away. I had a river stone made and placed it on his grave with the inscription, "Until We Meet Again".

After watching many testimonies of people who had near death experiences and claim to encounter passed loved ones.

It gives me hope of an afterlife and we reunite with those that departed before us. Death isn't the end, but a new beginning.



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I'm not a believer in life after death but I have always fond comfort in a Terry Pratchett quote. It is reassuring, relevant and beautiful, whatever your beliefs.


No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.


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