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    There are days, well you know what I mean
    Continue to be patient; it will all be for your good.—Padre Pio

    There are days when things go well and very smooth, I am in a good place and when a small bump comes up I glide through it.  On those days, patience is not needed.  I love it when everything goes my way, or my mood is such that even if events go sideways, I can just laugh it off. 

    Then there are days when everything bothers me.  When I feel like if one more thing goes wrong, or if I am asked to do just one another favor, that I just might snap, it is then that I have to work hard on being patient. 

    I would like to say that I always succeed, but I don’t.  I can pout, isolate, snap at others and sort of spiral a bit.  Yet, there are periods of time when I don’t lose touch with myself and I can smile, even joke with others who are driving me crazy and get through it all right.  It is my mood, after all, no need to spread it around. 

    Patience is good because the waters settle, the cloudy water becomes clear and there is peace.  If I am patient this comes faster.  If not, it will take longer for peace to return.  I wanted to say ‘normalcy’ but I am not sure there is any real ‘normal’ in life that can be counted on with assurance. 

    Yet, “all things pass”, when I can keep that in mind, I can be patient.  Patience, when practiced, does not feel patient, it is what keeps the mind and soul-centered on what is important and even essential. 


  2. The fact that hauntings can never be disputed as proven by the amount of evidence available by those having captured it has been hotly debated for many years between believers and skeptics alike. And even when all conditions had been exhausted regarding all the hows something might have existed is it found that often there will always be those who will just never chose to believe! Which is why you never go out of your way to prove something of which you may know to be real but that those who had not been there to experience it may align with that fact to both ridicule and bury you and your efforts. In essence, you state your case, provide your evidence, remain firm in your conviction, and move on to your next moment of acquisition. 

    This particular photo was captured during a rather hot day and coinciding with what had been a Class X solar event!

    Not sure if that made any difference as to how this rather startling apparition had appeared for my camera but then it would always be wise to perhaps consider it so.



  3. Master Miya

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    This honestly scared me so much

  4. Self-Metamorphosis

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    I promised in my last entry in this series I was gonna make this a weekly series, post once every Sunday at least. I also promised that this blog series was the beginning of making several life changes. That was over 3 months ago. I promised a lot of things, and obviously failed on all of them. I'm actually laughing right now at the absurdity of it all. However, it's a new year, and I promised myself I wasn't gonna let another year go by without addressing these issues. New year, new resolutions. I let another week go by here in the beginning, but no more.

    So yeah. Don't really have a plan yet as to how Imma tackle these main issues this year, however I am announcing that I'll be starting at it again and sticking with it to the end. Not much more to add here, just thought I'd make it official.

  5. Some people on here seem to be somewhat confused as to why I seem to fluctuate back and forth between hardened skeptic, and strong believer. Although this isn't at all hard to understand my backstory behind why I believe what I believe. I could write a whole book on this topic, but will at least try and condense it as best I can and cut straight to the main points.

    I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household. I was very deeply religious from an early age, and as I got older (and more and more s**t went wrong in my life) I began to rely on my religion more and more to get me through. The more messed up I became, the more religious I became as well.

    The changing of my belief systems started however when I switched from the Southern Baptist denomination, to an Assemblies of God Pentecostal denomination. I went there primarily due to the extreme pain I felt from childhood abuse coupled with difficulties with school and work. They promised miraculous healing, and due to my curiosity leading me into a revival one summer, I genuinely felt better when a pastor claimed I was miraculously 'healed' (didn't realize it at the time, but it was basically the placebo effect). However it didn't stop there. In order to remain healed and as a testament of this supposed miraculous 'healing', I was instructed (supposedly by God) to leave home and join this essentially cult like small town Pentecostal church so I could help spread the gospel and do God's work. So I did.

    It was at this point that my religiosity became absolutely everything to me. Literally. Every single waking moment of my day was devoted to this new found version of Christianity. However as time went on, I soon realized that I wasn't 'healed', as the same symptoms kept popping up all over the place. I kept having the same difficulties, and now on top of that I was supposedly failing God, and fearing eternal hellfire.

    That is until eventually I discovered that Christianity itself wasn't true. I'll spare you the details as to how, but basically I stumbled across multiple atheist arguments against Christianity and was convinced. I was incredibly relieved in some sense, because I no longer was afraid of going to hell. Although at the same time I felt betrayed and heartbroken, that I had devoted my entire life up to that point to an entire belief system and worldview that was absolutely false. And so, I became an Atheist.

    I began to read up and study the works of people like Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, etc. As well as read several atheist and skeptics blogs online, and became rather entrenched in learning the various arguments in opposition to religion. In fact for quite a while I had decided to personally study up on such things and become as well versed in these various arguments so that I could one day begin blogging and debating people online myself. I wanted to help other people and keep them from wasting so much of their lives devoted to made-up nonsense. But most importantly: I wanted to prevent myself from EVER being deceived by people into believing a lie ever again. This here is the key.

    I was a Christian for so many years due to indoctrination from birth, being taught that doubt and questioning things is bad while believing is good, as well as the fear of eternal hell for those who do doubt and don't bend a knee to the will of the all-mighty dictator. Although when I broke free from religion and became an atheist, I realized what had held me back for so long was my insistence in believing in something without question. My problem was that I wasn't questioning my beliefs, and the only way to ever know the answer to anything is to first question it. So I took the mantle as a 'skeptic.' During my time as an atheist and a skeptic, in realizing that the primary problem that led me into wasting so much of my life under an erroneous worldview was the fact that I failed to be properly skeptical and question my own belief system, I began to study and learn critical thinking and reasoning skills, as well as the principle of questioning everything.

    However, at some point I began to realize in my studies that I was doing much of the same thing I would do with religion only in regards to materialism. I had yet to critically question or be skeptical of materialism up to that point, merely assuming it true as the default position as opposed to religion. Although I began to realize this wasn't the case. I first ran across a man by the name of Dr. Rupert Sheldrake, and read his book called 'The Science Delusion' (also called Science Set Free here in the US. He's a Brit.). In it he takes some of the main key dogmas of modern science, and turns them into questions. So without instantly accepting whatever his proposals were, regardless, he got me questioning materialism.

    I began applying these same basic principles of skepticism and critical thinking to materialism, which was the main foundation of my atheism. I found that despite what I had originally thought, there were in fact numerous cases of NDE and Psi Phenomena evidence, scientific papers; rational, logical, and philosophical arguments, etc. And as with any theory, if you can find even one case where your theory is completely unable to explain something, then you must either rewrite your theory to accommodate it or abandon the theory and start over. I found what I consider to be numerous lines of evidence (see my blog post DEBUNKING Pseudo-Skeptics) that caused me to decide to abandon the theory of materialism entirely in pursuit of a new one.

    The more I began to question, the less I believed that materialism was in fact true, and therefore my staunch atheism that I had founded my little 'religious rebellion' upon was crashing down around me as well. I realized that Dawkins, Harris, and all the other staunch atheists and skeptics were my new evangelical preachers, and materialism my new religion. I knew that in order to discover the truth, I'd have to abandon any ideological ties to anything, identification with anyone, and totally rebuild a totally unique and independent worldview from the ground up. Start from scratch.

    I desperately didn't want to fall into the same trap that I did throughout the majority of my life up to that point. I didn't want to follow the blind dogma of others, never seriously questioning the tenets of my own worldview. I wanted to be a truly independent thinker, who arrives at the truth on my own, rather than rely on the teachings, arguments, or credentials of others. So I began a great search for the truth, starting blindly from no real position on things at all, and would thereby formulate my own opinions based on whatever evidence I might find along the way.

    Although I did seriously consider for a while there on just taking a totally agnostic approach to things. However I personally decided against it, as I personally found it kinda lazy to not seek the answers to such things in the first place (no offense to anyone who doesn't care for the answers, just a personal decision on my part), but most importantly I had no reason to believe that these questions don't have answers, nor that these answers are unattainable. If certain spiritual concepts such as the human soul, the afterlife, etc. exist, then there is some sort of science behind them, and there's no logical reason why they can't be objectively measureable. So I eventually did plenty of study up on the various things mentioned above, and came to the conclusion that there is indeed something more to this world then simply the material universe.

    Now I will say, early on when I first joined UM, I was still relatively new to the whole topic, and didn't really know much about various spiritual concepts and ideas. Much of it was still very much new to me. I was just starting to look into concepts proposed by the Occult and New Age movements, as I knew very little about spirituality apart from organized religion, and was open to and still researching various other ideas I had yet to fully understand or in some cases encounter at the time. Now, thanks to numerous other members on here I'd say I have. So just since being on here my views on spirituality have changed rather significantly, in that I now know that much of the practices of the Occult etc. are in fact explainable by natural means. And to that I want to sincerely  thank the members on here for helping to contribute to my mental and spiritual growth.

    I'm still changing and growing, and will continue to upon learning of any new information. I personally feel that's best.

    So if you want to know what I believe specifically in regards to spirituality as of now:

    • I personally believe that consciousness is not generated by the material brain, that there is something more to consciousness then just material processes.
    • I believe that life after death is not only possible but highly likely. (as for any of the details beyond that, I have no clue. I find some of the accounts of NDE experiencers rather interesting, but I don't take any of it as the absolute god's honest truth, so I'm essentially purely agnostic here.)
    • I believe that there's most likely some sort of 'cosmic consciousness' that permeates throughout everything in the universe, and that it may in fact create, influence, and/or guide the formation of stars, galaxies, and life. Though as for what exactly this force is or how it operates, I don't know. Most likely some sort of 'consciousness energy field', similar to electro-magnetic fields or something. (if you want to call this energy field a 'god', then so be it. Though I completely reject the notion of there being any sort of all-powerful personal creator god as proposed by western and Abrahamic religion.)
    • I also believe that this consciousness energy field that exists can and does influence the conscious behaviors of humans and animals, and that these influences can be measured to minor extents in the form of psychic or psi phenomena. Although while I do personally believe that some people may in fact be much more psychically attuned then others in various ways, I strongly oppose basically all psychics, and especially those who give readings for money. Those are undoubtedly scammers out to make money off the gullibility (and in the case of psychic mediums, grief) of others.
    • I believe that the idea of ghosts and spirits existing around us is indeed certainly possible. If there is in fact an afterlife, then it's only logical to conclude from that that spirits could inhabit the world around us in a sort of pure 'absolute consciousness' immaterial form. In fact, if such a consciousness energy field exists, then it isn't at all implausible to suggest that pure consciousness-based entities could not exist in various forms all around us as well, as the idea that at least some form of consciousness exists all around us is already proposed. (Now having said that, I'd say that well over 90% of reported ghost sightings are easily explainable, and that ghost hunting by it's very nature is unscientific. Thus I usually avoid using ghost videos etc. as evidence, since I rarely ever regard any of that sort of thing as truly convincing.)

    So yeah. That's pretty much it. Anything beyond this ^ I either am agnostic on or just flat don't believe.

    I know that this is a long read, but I just want those of you who've been somewhat puzzled lately as to what and why I believe what I do to know that I didn't arrive at these conclusions through the typical biased filter of either indoctrination or confirmation bias, etc. that most who're involved in the religious and spiritual community have. I have a very good reason for why I believe what I do, regardless of whether you agree with my position or not.

  6. Every year at this time we are invaded by wild birds that fly south for the winter. We really enjoy watching them at our feeder.

    Mrs ZZ took these:

    The American Goldenfinch arrive all the way from Michigan.


    Tufted Titmouse with sunflower seed.


    Birds of a feather living in harmony.


    Female Cardinals, along with their mates are very popular visitors.


  7. Another beautiful morning here on the prairie, and not quite as cold. The -10F is much nicer than yesterday’s -21F  (-23.3C and -29.4C). 

    Went out early to feed the birds and take a few photos: it’s not often that the full moon is still above the western horizon as the sun rises in the east!  (I live on a hilltop near the Mississippi-Missouri Divide, with a wide open view of the sky, so I take lots of sunrise and sunset photos for my city-dwelling Facebook friends.)

    I went for a walk around my acreage yesterday, just long enough to dispel my cabin fever. I was dressed in my insulated coveralls, two t-shirts and a hoodie sweatshirt, which was more than enough to stay warm. Right now it’s colder in Iowa than it is in Antarctica! I got a beautiful photo of the Iowa ‘frozen tundra’ covered in snow with the deep-blue skies above. Wish I knew how to post photos here on UM.

    Getting ready for the 20-mile drive into town. I’m running low on the staples: bacon, eggs, hot dogs and chips. I may stop at the YMCA and walk a few miles on the indoor track, followed by a Double Quarter Pounder at McDonalds. Need lots of protein during this cold weather.


  8. Books, Books, Books!

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    Three Heart Echo by Keary Taylor ended up on my reading list by yet another mislabeling on NetGalley, I must admit. As seen in the title image above, the book is a paranormal suspense. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you'll no doubt guess that I grabbed it from the horror genre titles. Fortunately, after revisiting its cover I can at least say that its actual genre is the right one. While Three Heart Echo does have some elements of horror, it reads more like a paranormal-themed Lifetime movie.

    Taking place soon after the death of Jack Caraway, Three Heart Echo tells the story of two vastly different people meeting and, you guessed it, falling in love. It's not that simple though, and several of the more twisted things that one might expect from a horror novel surface throughout the plot. Iona Faye, a frail woman mourning the death of her fiance, seeks out Sully Whitmore, a man rumored to be able to speak to the dead. Together, the two unravel the darkness of Jack's past while racing against time to unravel not one, but two curses.

    Overall, the story itself is engaging to a degree, but it definitely wasn't my style. I think it belongs more in the paranormal romance genre than it does horror.

    Rating: 2/5 Skulls

    Read the full review on The Ghastly Grimoire

  9. clifford1944's Blog

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    I sure don't have a lot to show for all my time here.  I do come here almost everyday but I just don't not sign in.  Don't even remember 2004.  Four years before Obama came to power.  So I will try to blog more.  Also post in the forums.  This is a good site , I do like it here.  See you soon.  cliff


    Antarctica Secrets includes US Navy footage from Admiral Byrd's South Pacific Expedition , reveals the impenetrable wall of ice they encountered, discusses Operation Highjump and looks at the recent mysterious events that have taken place in Antarctica. Just what is this "land of everlasting mystery" as Admiral Byrd liked to call it, hiding?

  11. Caitlyn Hart
    Latest Entry

    Having established that the mind can play a role in how we interpret paranormal events or experiences, we are going to consider this theory further. I’m not saying that the tricks our mind can play on us are explanations for all paranormal experiences, because it’s not. We are going to be speaking to a parapsychologist and focus on the work done by the Koestler Parapsychology Unit.


    I linked a survey at the end of the article Paranormal: Power of the Mind, to get people opinion on what they thought of the idea that the mind could play tricks on us, when it comes to paranormal experiences.

    One survey respondent, said: “I think the mind, especially an over active or emotional mind does have the ability to make you think you may have experienced something. However, in believing in the paranormal it is important to remember there does not need to be an answer for everything and sometimes there are no answers.”

    Caro2016 Dr. Caroline Watt founding member of KPU, The University of Edinburgh[/caption]

    Dr. Caroline Watt, founding member of Koestler Parapsychology Unit (KPU), based in the Psychology Department at The University of Edinburgh, said: “I got interested in parapsychology because, as a psychology graduate, I was aware that paranormal beliefs and experiences are quite common, and I wanted to find out what lay behind these experiences.“I decided to study parapsychology because I thought it would be interesting - and I was right!”

    Reports of paranormal experiences have long been reported, including, near-death experiences, dream precognition and hauntings. Research conducted by KPU examines the causes and impacts of these experiences. KPU focused on four aspects these causes and impacts: Precognitive dreaming, the function of paranormal beliefs and the discursive approach.

    Precognitive dream experiences are dreams that appear to predict the future. Dr Watt investigated the psychological factors that may explain precognitive dream experiences. One study found that some precognitive dreams are due to people finding connections between their dreams and subsequent events.

    Dr. Watt, said: “My research has found that people who believe in the paranormal are more likely to see correspondences or connections between dream reports and news reports that have been randomly paired. This suggests a normal mechanism that might lead to an increased frequency of seemingly precognitive dream experiences.”

    The second aspect of KPU research was, the function of paranormal beliefs, the research suggests, that for some people, paranormal belief may provide a sense of control in chaotic or stressful situation. The KPU conducted two studies, the first showed a link between a lack of a sense of control during childhood and the development of paranormal beliefs in adulthood, which was conducted by Dr Watt and Dr Richard Wiseman in 2007. The second showed that more than half of those reporting paranormal experiences had experienced a negative life event, before the experience happened.

    obe A photo used by the KPU to demonstrate the function of paranormal beliefs.

    Dr. Watt, said: “A person who has had a traumatic or chaotic childhood might develop paranormal beliefs in order to give them a sense of control over their environment. For instance, thinking that you can read other people's minds may give you comfort and a feeling of control.”

    The findings from the two studies, into the function of paranormal beliefs, are in-line with a wider body of research, conducted by Watt and Wiseman in 2004, which examined how paranormal beliefs can provide an illusory sense of control.

    Dr. Watt, said: “Let's take superstitious beliefs as an example. People who live in dangerous environments, such as near an active volcano, have more superstitious beliefs than those who live in less dangerous environments. Those who live near the volcano may have various rituals that they practice in order to try to placate the 'god of the volcano'. This is a paranormal belief. It makes the people feel more in control of the situation, however their behavior does not actually affect the volcano.”

    Understanding paranormal belief is difficult, but an alternative approach is to examine them as discursive phenomena.

    Dr. Watt, said: “This looks at the language used by people when they talk about their paranormal beliefs and experiences. For example, when a person says, "I'm a skeptic, but you'll never believe what happened to me", the discursive approach looks at the work that is done by the phrase 'I'm a skeptic". That phrase is said in order to make the person appear to be a critical thinker. It is used to strengthen the paranormal claim that follows.”

    One reader of the article Paranormal: Power of the Mind, said: “After reading this I feel that what O’Keeffe was saying is spot on. I believe that the combination of night / dark, being tired, your mind plays tricks on you with the combination of being cold helpless strange noises accentuates the ghostly experience.”

    In response to the previous comment, one reader, said: “That absolutely explains some things, but it positively does not explain them all. I can attest to the reality, and 100% positive knowledge for myself that there is something just on the other side of what we can see. It has the ability to see us, and interact with us, but for the most part, remains unseen. When a person has their own unquestionable experience, their world view changes forever.”

    In regard to ghosts or spirits, Dr. Caroline Watt, said: “I think it is most likely the case that normal factors, such as pareidolia, can explain most ghostly experiences.”

    FantasmaBodaAn example of Pareidolia or Matrixing.

    Pareidolia, otherwise known as matrixing, is the psychological phenomenon in which the mind responds to a stimulus, usually an image or a sound, by perceiving a familiar pattern where none exists.

    Another respondent, of the survey, said: “My mind knows what it is doing and tells the body what to do.”

    Between Paranormal: Power of the Mind and this article we have covered many psychological explanations for paranormal experiences, although these are just a few of many psychological explanations. As some of the survey respondents pointed out, psychological explanations only explain some, not all, of the many paranormal experiences that have been reported. I have never personally experienced anything paranormal, however, I have spoken to many people and you can see in every fiber of their being that they have experienced something and that experiences have impacted them. The research Dr. Caroline Watt has conducted made it clear that our mind can subconsciously, be making connections or seeking control, and its these types of mind tricks that are out with our control as we might not even realize what we’re doing. The article Paranormal: Power of the Mind concentrated more on the psychological explanations we can take into consideration. For example, when we’re investigating the paranormal, watching paranormal TV programmes or reading about the paranormal, we can consider suggestibility and priming. Especially, with hindsight we can consider these explanations along with other physical explanations, but we would find it hard to consider the evidence Dr. Watt found from her research, as these psychological explanations are happening subconsciously. Although, I am a believer in the paranormal I think it is important to be aware of all the explanations out there to enable you to have a full picture.

  12. The Mystery of Our Lady of Guadalupe’s Eyes

    The eyes of the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe are one of the great enigmas of science, according to a Peruvian engineer José Tonsmann, who has extensively studied this “mystery.”

    This graduate of Cornell University has spent more than 20 years examining the image of the Virgin printed on the coarse and fibrous tilma worn by Saint Juan Diego, who received the apparitions that would decisively change the history of the continent.


  13. Fighting depression

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    The first time I felt this out-of-control force was soon after a show back in 1998. My debut as a singer was in 1996 in a student holiday party. I felt great. I've always felt out of place, awkward, socially-incompetent, but once in stage I was a total different person. I could say or do whatever and people would dig it. I've been doing the same for the last 21 years. That night in 1998 while I was resting and trying to clean the sweat out of my body and while everybody was coming to say how magnificent the show was I felt it for the first time. It was the feeling of being completely alone, the feeling of dispair. I received the greetings with a smile, a shake of hands, a hug, but inside of me I felt that everyone was just being fake as **** and I just wanted to go home, cover myself in bed and cry.

    That feeling has been haunting me since then.

    That night after the show we went to a local bar to have a couple of beers. We were still minors but since we were musicians and we knew the owner, everything was fine. We talked about the show, met some friends and everybody was having a great time. I was continuously watching the clock because I wanted to go home. Every now and then after any show, I feel this way. I learned to evade myself from others and just take a break. I just have to take a break. It's like a social charge that I can't bear. I need to rest from it. In those 10 minutes of "break time" I go through many different feelings: sorrow, embarassment, lonelyness, guilt. 

    Depression is a common and serious medical disorder and this disorder affects every aspect of your life. During a big part of my life I struggled (and I still do!) through it. I've had addiction problems, relationship problems, work problems, family issues and many other things due to this disorder. Sometimes I didn't want to get up from bed and I spent most of my time just watching the ceiling of my room thinking that nobody gave a d*mn about me, that nobody really loved me. I've lost lots of weight, I've gained lots of weight, I've quit my band several times, I've fought every and each one of the people who used to play with, I've done horrible things to myself and not a single time I said to myself "I'm doing this because I'm ill".

    I felt hollow. Like, in any happy moment of my life I felt hollow anyway. I smiled, I celebrated. I even said I was happy but inside of me I felt hollow. Like if something was missing. Like if something wasn't right. That's how you live with depression. Even when you know you're doing alright it's there.

    I started this blog because I want to write my experiences with this disorder. My therapy. Things I do to feel better. Things I do to fight-back . Stories that may be inspirational or raise a warning flag on yourself. I don't know. It may be helpful for some. Until the next entry.


    This is me back in the 90s. Adjusting an amp before a rehearsal. I was extremely thin. I didn't eat properly, spending most of my time drinking or having drugs with my friends. I was just discovering that the force inside me was making me not care about anything else.

  14. gatekeeper32
    Latest Entry
    Despite differences in any society or culture, you could find in many of their folklore common imaginary about the supernatural. Since the earliest human civilization, there have been stories about people returning from the grave needing to feed upon humans to substance themselves. Legends of these creatures are told across the global including Japan with its folklore holding some morbid myths such as the Hone-onna.
    In Japan’s lore, yokai are malevolent supernatural entities often created by the returning spirit of a human or animal to been wronged in life seeking revenge. However, even undying love may give rise to an undead creatures. When a woman dies still desiring to stay with their family or lover, her spirit manifest into a hone-onna. This yokai will appear as a young, beautiful woman disguising her true form of a rotten walking corpse or skeleton.
    In legends, the hone-onna is a ghost which returns wanting to continue the love of those she had in life. She would arise from the grave at night and return to the home of her family or lover. The yokai’s suddenly appearance would shock those grieving her passing, yet be joyous of the woman’s return unaware of her true nature. Myths mention, even hone-onna may not even be aware herself of what she transforming into.
    In lore, unsuspecting husbands or lovers would often fall victim to this yokai. The hone-onna visited the male at night to engage in intimacy where she feed’s off their life force then leaving in the morning. This course of action usually resulted in the man’s death. Only those strong in will or of could see pass the disguise and maybe able to intervene. Often in stories, man who been warned of the hone-onna still continued to embrace the ghost, even at the cost of their lives.
    Hone-onna, in several myths, continue to exist long after killing their lovers. Either a wish to continue living or be embraced by someone, these yokai carry on appearing at night seducing young men and substance them by extracting their life force. In some forms of Japanese media, the hone-onna been the setting for tragic love stories.
  15. The 8,913th Annual Halloween Black Light Monster Festival and Inaugural Great Old Ones Rodeo…


    This report was unfortunately delayed due to no fault of my own (of course)… Following the events of the Festival and Rodeo, as I was making my way back to my Luxury Oubliette (one of the perks of being the one who makes all this nonsense up) I was accosted in one of the dark twisty back alleys that serve as side streets in Downtown UM, by one of my renegade doppelgangers who was left over from the Moon Dance And Masquerade Party. He was wearing a clever disguise (one of those plastic “Groucho Nose, moustache and glasses thingies) so I was caught completely unawares - I mean it totally fooled me…



    After asking me if I knew what year it was, and as I was fumbling around trying to find my handy-dandy pocket Mayan Calendar…

     He threw a potato sack over my head (one large enough to fit easily over my antlers) and I found myself whisked away! When the sack was finally removed (and the potatoes pulled out of my mouth and ears) I found myself aboard the flagship of the Renegade Beer Balloon Fleet, facing the Fleet Admiral, Old “Tipsy” Bill Tipler himself!

    While I was understandably upset and fearing for my sanity… um… nope, actually I gave up on that a long time ago… fearing for my um… uh… Antlers! Yeah that’s it! Fearing for my antlers, I bravely faced Admiral Tipler and heroically shouted out “Please don’t hurt me!” as I feel to my knees (hard to do for moose) and bravely groveled before him….

    He blearily looked at me with his bloodshot eyes, belched rather loudly and replied… “Nah. We ain’t gonna hurt youse… We jest wanna knock ya over da head and let yer dopplegr… dokkleganner… douoblegan… this guy, take yer place!”

    Still exhibiting my normal legendary courage I whined “But why? He’s just like me! In fact he IS me! Just me from a couple hours ago… sorta kinda…”

    He sneered, listed heavily to port (left is “port” right? I mean yes? Not right, that’s starboard or something isn’t it?) and passed gas heavily enough that the zeppelin we were on lurched forward 50 feet and several small fires started, which the crew scrambled to put out before the hydrogen in the gas bags could ignite…

    “Yeah, he’s youse alright. But he’s youse what we controls. Ya see? Yer what passes fer the most inflewinchal … influenza… enchilada… most read reporter of what goes on here at da UM complex, lord help us… And we wants sum bedder reportin’… We’uns er tired of the bad news youse been puttin’ out about us’ns… We wants the people to like and trust us guys, sos we ken swoop down and steal their nachos and beer and stuff! Ya see?”

    Well, a few more hours of that and I almost lost my ability to think in coherent(ish) English, I was even loosing my grasp of my native Okie language! I knew I had to escape or eventually I would turn into a total blithering idiot (even more-so than normal anyway) and also to stop their insidious plan while I still knew how to spell insidious!   

    But they had trapped me well, and I spent many days locked away in the bilge of that huge ship (which was actually nicer than my oubliette), swabbing the decks with a beat up old three strand mop, trying to clean up the spilled stale beer, and other less savory liquids and such…

    Meanwhile my double – the me of several hours ago, from last July, was unleashed upon you, the unsuspecting and helpless denizens of the great, sprawling UM complex… Causing no end of trouble, confusion and mayhem as he/I/whatever took over my life and my duties…

    Time wore on and finally my chance came… Two days ago, the fleet made a resupply stop at one of the several supply depots/breweries they had created around the Complexes vast land holdings… This one was deep in the heart of the Pointless Forest, halfway up the steep slopes of Nosebleed Ridge. While the crew topped off the hydrogen in the gas bags, and restocked the coolers and snack cabinets, I made my way through a small porthole (after removing my antlers with a handy allen wrench) and slid down the anchor cable… After re-attaching my antlers I was off like a shot through the forest, down the slope and across the Great Eastern Artillery Impact Zone (both A and B) and then it was a short hop across the Great Outer Moat and back into the UM complex proper…

    I found my double back in my Oubliette reclining on my bed of nails, eating bon-bons and reading the latest issue of Floggers Quarterly… I was further enraged when I saw that he/I had already worked the crossword puzzle! After a short tussle, I had him tied up and turned over to the levels Chief Inquisitor – who was happy to have a new “friend” to “play” with… Then I set about the grim task of correcting my doubles mischief…

    Fortunately the me of a couple hours ago is an idiot… A lazy idiot, who had done nothing at all – so no harm done!

    Now… On with the long overdue Report of the 8,913th Annual Halloween Black Light Monster Festival and Inaugural Great Old Ones Rodeo… (and you thought you could escape this?... Bwah-haw-haw! <Insert other evil laughs here>)

    Precisely at 9:23 and 15 and a half seconds, the Grand Rodeo Parade kicked off the festivities… The parade route started at the Great Central Administration Building and made it’s way out to the Great Eastern Artillery Impact Zone (A)… Riding out in front were the Junior Cowpersons… Cowthings?… CowCthuloids?… Whatever… These eager, bright and cheerful… okay less grim… Young(ish) creatures of the Great Outer Darkness, stalked, slithered, oozed and otherwise moved down the cobblestone streets of Downtown UM… Most were riding… something… somethings that were even more indescribable than they were, and as they passed – to a loud and hearty cheer from the very impressed crowd… (Seriously, they were impressed… In much the same way a reluctant person used to be impressed into the navy), the cobblestones cracked, split, bubbled and melted under their weight, body acids and in some cases furnace like heat…

    Next came the battalions of Rodeo Clowns walking bravely down the melted street, waving to the crowds as the battalions of Floggers following closely behind “urging them on”…

    Following the Floggers, came several mobs of zombie “clowns”, all gaily decked out in their tattered sackcloth and bright iridescent paint… As the zombies flung small candies (and the occasional “loose” body part) to the crowds, they were kept in neat orderly rows by the help of volunteers equipped with cattle prods – all to the great delight of the crowds…

     Finally came the “big guys”… The stars of this years Rodeo…Leading the pack (though it was hard to tell on that cosmic of a scale) was none other than Cthulhu himself! Looking very dapper and “Western” in his Chaos Beast Hide Chaps, Wooly vest and topped off with his famous 10,000 gallon hat, he stalked …er… moseyed down the street one hand-appendage hooked in his pistol belt and the other waving his monstrously huge hat to the crowd… His mouth tentacles were cleverly waxed into a semblance of a handlebar moustache and at his side stalked his former wife Idh-yaa, dressed as a really huge, monstrous version of Dale Evans… Following closely behind were their four offspring. Gthanothoa, dressed in a voluminous leather duster and sporting the legendary Shining Trapezohedron as a nifty buckle on his gun belt. Beside him strode his younger brother Ythogtha, (“Froggy” to his friends) decked out in his favorite Hopalong Cassidy Costume… Rounding out the trio of Cthulhu’s sons was Zoth-Ommog (“Zoggie” to his friends –of which it is said he has none)… “Zoggie” sported a natty three piece suit made of armadillo hide, and like his older brother Gthanothoa, wore chaps (of squiggle hide) and a large Cowboy hat made of Kelp…

    Following closely came their little sister Cthylla… Her father’s light and joy, little Cthylla is the spitting image of her dad… Right down to the cute mass of writhing tentacles around her mouth parts… Dressed similar to her favorite cartoon character “Jessie” from Toy Story (complete with red yarn wig for hair) Little Cthylla was definitely a crowd favorite…

    There was a lot of talk about this second appearance of other Cthulhu and his former wife Idh-yaa… And keen eyed observers (who were not otherwise turned to mummies, or into gibbering lunatics - not that anyone would notice around here - by the mere sight of the Cthulhu family) could spy a ring on Idh-yaas… um…finger?... Tentacle?.. Claw?... Perhaps a retaking of vows in the future?

    Following the parade – and the policing up of the catatonic/immolated/gibbering masses- the Rodeo began at the Artillery Impact Zone (A) – where they couldn’t do much more damage…

    The events of the day included, Squiggle Wrangling; Hounds Of Tindalos Roundups; Demon Roping; Rope Twirling and Brontosaurus Broncho Riding…

    As this was a charity event there were no champions crowned… Just good, clean, wholesome, chaotically evil fun for the whole family! There was one final humorous note to the festivities… It seems that Cute Little Cthylla really fell for the squiggles that were featured in the “juniors” events… Seeing that the Head Mod encouraged the crowd to “rustle up a few squiggles for the little lady”… The crowd stormed the arena and for the first time in recorded history, squiggles ran AWAY from UM members rather than the other way around! … Soon little Cthylla was the proud owner of a flock of rather disgruntled and rather frightened squiggles…

    Following the Rodeo and the bar-b-q that accompanied it, the Halloween Black Light Monster Fest commenced… The party lasted well into the night, and we had the best year of costumes ever (and this was the 8,913rd consecutive annual event so that’s saying something!)… The costumes were so good in fact that several actual monsters were in attendance and no one noticed! Most notable among the costumes was the person who showed up dressed as a Mummy Dressed as a Clown, Dressed as a Librarian… And we all know how creepy Librarians are! However she was disqualified when it was discovered that it was UM’s own Head Librarian Lotta “Dusty” Tomes and she hadn’t even bothered to change out of her work clothes into a costume…

    For the first time, the Aliens from the Alien Space Saucer Fleet(s) were invited to the party… These guys, gals and things from alien worlds are quickly becoming UM favorites and they sure know how to party…. They even helped out with the refreshments… After a few hours the “eats” were running low, so the First Alien Space Saucer Fleet (not the second and third ones they created by time travel) zipped up to the UM Lunar Complex and back in record (faster than light) time and gathered up the food and drink from four hours ago and brought it forward… So we got double the refreshments at half the cost (and gained another Alien Space Saucer Fleet)…

    Music was more-or-less provided by the newly pardoned Noggin Knockers band and they played loud and with great spirit (if not great skill)… As the dancing progressed and Idh-yaa was constantly being asked to dance, Cthulhu was persuaded to take a turn on the drums… Watching him play with all eight (or so) arms going and even his mouth parts tentacles grasping drumsticks was an awe inspiring (and deafening) sight, and literally mind-numbing…

    Heck of a party!

    Eventually the party started breaking up, even the Cthulhu family had to leave (poor little Cthylla was starting to yawn and no one wanted to be around when that happened!). So they gathered up their four kids, all the squiggles the kids decided to keep and used the Shining Trapezohedron on Gthanothoa’s belt to interdimensionally travel back home to R’lyeh,

    I stayed on for a short while to help organize the zombie janitor crews in cleaning up, then made my way back toward my cozy little luxury oubliette… when I met myself…

    We’ll have to do this again next year (provided the cosmos survives this one)!

    Please feel free to comment with your thoughts, and also a description of your costume, and activities… Also, whoever took Alien Space Saucer Crewthing Gleph home with them, please bring it back… It’s the only one they have that can make coffee the way the Admiral likes it…

  16. Posting this in my blog so it'll be easier to find at a later date (I will also edit it to add the suggested songs) when I need it.

    I've started the planning of my 30th birthday (early planning since I have friends and family interstate and those who need to give their bosses notice) party which will not be until the start of Feb ( 6 days after my birthday).

    I would like song suggestions, my party theme is late 80s all 90s and up to 2010 dress.

    Music I would like to be anywhere from mid 80s to 2010, please feel free to leave song suggestions :) 

    Not hiring anyone at this point instead will use laptop or ipod for music.

  17. where mai bunny girls

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    silently stalking grass 

    doing the worm

    flailing about like a magikarp

    where are the pokemon

  18. Ancient Megaliths

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    The Dolmens Of Russia Caucasus Mountains Mystery Myth And Legend The mysterious ancient megalithic Dolmens of Russia's Caucasus Mountains and the mystery, myths and legends associated with them.

  19. With the evening slanting through the yellows and reds that provide a stained glass effect of fooling ones eye into almost believing it could be just another summer evening out the windowpane comes the last of the reaping... for tonight falls the last light of Samhain.

    The beds of promise and bounty have all yielded up their fruits and their bodies laid to rest in the compost bins while their summer beds are tucked under thick mulches. The last moment ripest of seeds before the frosts come have been gleaned. That which is left is left for other reapers than us.

    The devils have danced around their fires for a night.. and tucked away their masks for another year. The offerings of Hallows Eve have been anticipated. The sweet savoring of anticipation for spooky has been fulfilled and now the gentler time of this dying season can lay it's leaves and frosts upon us. We are thankful in this time of final turning to the white sleep of death.

    For now comes the time to enjoy the reaping, tucked away in our blankets and burrows. Now comes the time of fattening up on the fattening up of the earth. Now is the time to refuse the dearth to come while the sun goes to reap other fields for the last time.


  20. Talking to Infinity

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    Do we really have a need to know or a need to prove our points of view? What role plays ego, vanity and narcissism in this light?

    I think that we have a need to know. Knowledge is power, but more important than knowledge is the power gained by confirmation of our view of reality. Thus we have a horde mentality, you know, when individuals like to make clans. It is not anything unusual, it gives a sense of security, acceptance and power. Truth is hard to grasp, on the other hand since it is hard to grasp a much easier shortcut to feeling of stability security and power is through associating with fellow clan members and confirming your own points. Everybody likes it, myself included.

    So how do we grow? If everybody would just confirm everything you say that would be pretty dull. So we need a tension, but the tension comes naturally since there are no two individuals with exactly the same view of reality, and when a view of reality is challenged a defense mechanism starts. Here we have one intersting thing. We may divide people here. There are those who like logic and truth and seeking the truth the hard way, and then there are those who stick with the clan and just fogging things evading the truth. Ego, vanitiy and narcissism is satisfied. The beast is fed. The problem is that those who seek harder rarely know if they are right. They doubt themselves, groving insecure because no one supports them since they break the dogma of the clan and the ego suffers. So what is better?

  21. Hello everyone. Last weekend my mum and her BF went camping in West Virgina, while they were out riding along the trails (They were quad-biking) they passed an old tunnel, my mum took a pic with her iPhone and showed me this image:


    Which seems to show an odd v-shaped object. While it may have simply been a camera burp, or the strap of the phone case, this image taken moments later shows no sigh of the anomaly:


    I'm not saying this is a ghostly photo, i just wanna hear your thoughts on what this could have been.

  22. Marco M. Pardi
    Latest Entry

    Attention: Humans       by Marco M. Pardi

     "People in our culture have a morbid tendency to avoid blame, because they do not wish to take the trouble to change their conduct in any way: blame-avoidance and blame-transference are therefore endemic amongst us. These are substitutes for repentance and renewal."


     "Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

    The Dalai Lama

     He who cannot dance claims the floor is uneven. Hindu saying.


    All comments welcome and provided a response.


    Humans, we recently became aware that one or more of your number published a plea that you no longer refer to solitary mass murderers as "lone wolves".  While we wolves have not seen this publication and therefore cannot give it due credit, we, the wolves, wish to enhance the theme with information and thoughts by which you, with your self declared intellectual superiority might benefit.

    First, we remind you that you are animals.  Oh? Think not? What are you then, plants? Stones? We find it curious that an animal which bristles at being called an animal uses so many comparisons to other animals.  You say someone eats like a pig, is stubborn as a mule, reproduces like rabbits, and drinks like a fish. Yet you say someone is brave as a lion, has a memory like an elephant, is agile as a mountain goat, sly as a fox, wise as an owl, and noble as an eagle. Even one of your classic civilizations credited us. Remember the legend of the two infant brothers raised by one of our female wolves? Of course, when the boys grew up Romulus murdered Remus and went on to found Rome. We suspect we should have seen that coming.  But doubtless you can think of more examples.

    Second, as animals you, like any other species of plant or animal exist only through the relationship you have with your environment.  Sure, you have developed endless technology to intervene between you and the normal variations and processes in "nature".  But in truth, you are the Apex Invasive Species, you are the Apex Predator on this planet.  You have spread your teeming masses to every livable continent on this planet, despoiling everywhere including Antarctica.  Your "pesticides" are found in the body fat of almost every species no matter where they are.  You claim to need these pesticides to assure your crops. Yet every year you throw out millions of tons of food before it ever reaches the market. Why? It's not aesthetically pleasing. Or, you want to ensure high prices. Your plastics are found in the dead bodies of animals you will never see.

    You came into our forests, thriving ecosystems for a broad spectrum of biodiversity, and you stripped them bare for an extremely narrow ecosystem you know as pastureland to raise cattle and sheep, animals which require huge amounts of fresh water and which emit even larger volumes of deadly methane gas.  You then force these animals into slaughter houses where, if they are subject to your religious laws such as kosher or halal, you slit their throats and let them stagger around in their own blood until they collapse.  Of course, most of you don't do this; you allocate the dirty work to butchers who will wrap the meat in pretty packages for you.  You cannot stomach the reality of getting food for yourself. You eat some and throw the rest away. Our cousins, the coyotes, have long known they can subsist entirely on the dumpsters outside your restaurants and fast food joints.

    You came into our forests to kill us when in fact you destroyed our food source and laid out a buffet of cattle and sheep we had little choice but to take our sustenance from. You gas our dens to kill our children so they will not grow up to sustain the balance with our prey animals such as deer and elk, animals you want to kill for your own amusement or because, having killed their natural predator they have become overpopulated.  You claim hunting is to "put meat on the table" when the money you spent on a hunting vehicle, fuel, high powered rifle and ammunition, hunting license and tags would keep meat from the local grocery store on your table for many months if not years.  No, you just enjoy feeling the power of killing an unarmed animal as in those "canned hunts" so popular in States like Texas. You kill an average of 96 African elephants a day, taking the ivory for trinkets and leaving the animal to rot.  You kill scores of rhinos yearly taking only the horn the powder of which you think will make your pitiful penises erect. You de-fin live sharks, leaving them to die a miserable death of starvation while you cook the fins for soup. You torture bulls to death, even setting their horns on fire for your amusement. And, sadly, the list goes on.

    You raise populations of fur bearing animals, including "Man's best friend", in cages to electrocute them for your fur trimmed fashion garments and soft gloves made from dog skin.

    You "introduced" us (we call it "returned" us) into parts of the northwest United States to show how good you are, how ecologically advanced you are. What happened?  The ecosystem quickly began recovering.  Streams that had become fast moving torrents yielding flash flooding and unsuitable conditions for fish, beavers, and a multitude of other animals began returning to a state which supports the balance of life. How so?  After you had trapped and shot us to near extinction the deer and elk were then free to wade into the wetlands, where they had been vulnerable to us as they sank a bit into the mud,  and eat the young shoots growing there.  Those shoots would have grown into the plants that stabilized the stream, keeping it from eroding the banks and making the water unlivable and dangerous.  As we returned, the deer and elk avoided those young shoots and the streams returned to a livable ecosystem.  And now you want to trap, gas, and shoot us again.      

    Recently one of your "intelligent" hunters shot and killed a family therapy dog from ten feet away.  He claimed he thought it was one of us.  Apparently his only familiarity with us comes from the Big Bad Wolf type cartoons you scare your children with, just as the only familiarity so many of your self-styled "cowboys" have with cattle is the drawing of Elsie on their milk carton.

    We know of no other animal which kills for enjoyment on the scale you do. You even kill each other in massive numbers.  You gut programs that help people live healthy and educated lives in favor of programs to develop even deadlier weapons for killing each other. No other animal on the face of this Earth is so consumed by and dedicated to the mass extermination of its own kind. No other animal on the face of this Earth claims divine sanction from some spiritual being as the justification for exterminating people who do not believe in or worship this particular being.     

    For these reasons and many more we, the wolves, demand you cease and desist from calling your murderers, whether killers of a few or killers of many, "lone wolves".  That is a despicable slander against our good name and against our long standing place in nature.  In fact, we can think of no greater slander than calling one of us "human".

  23. My Backstory

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    I was born in Lexington Kentucky, and raised (during my early years) in a satellite town just outside of Lexington called Georgetown, where most of my family is from. My mother was a elementary school teacher, while my father worked for the local water treatment plant. They met due to my grandmother (my mother's mother) working as a receptionist at the water plant. My parents married in 1989, I was born in 1993, and they divorced in 1995. I don't even hardly remember them being together. They were both in their mid to late upper 30's when they had me, and I was their only child.

    My mother is an exceptional woman. She was raised as a Baptist preacher's kid which was of course, an incredibly abusive home. She was the oldest of three, and was the one child that for some reason got the full brunt of all the physical and verbal abuse of her father. Of course on the outside to the general public he was a model citizen, yet in the home he was an abusive hypocrite. Her mother on the other hand, was more simply another victim, yet her silence in the face of this abuse was still essentially compliance nonetheless. Yet despite her situation in the home, she was able to greatly excel greatly in school. School was her only safe place, where she could excel and be rewarded for her efforts, as opposed to back home which was torture. She loved school. So much so, that as far back as she could remember she decided that she wanted to be a school teacher. Never did she ever consider anything else. Schooling was her life, and she would later go on to put herself through college and get a masters degree + in childhood education. She got herself a job without anyone else's assistance. She had to learn how to act like an adult in the grown world and to fend for herself at an early age, since her parents were never any real advocates who would be there to look out for her. My mother dedicated her life to inspiring and helping young children. Because of her tremendous success in the face of adversity, she holds others to the highest standards. I can honestly say in all the years that I've known her, that she has not once ever lied, ever cheated, and has always abided by the rules. She's never even had a single speeding ticket. All of this isn't to say that she's somehow 'perfect'. My mother isn't without flaws (and trust me, there are plenty. Mostly due to her abuse as a child, and the horribly traumatic experiences she's had along with me over the years), but the point I wish to emphasize here is that she is the very definition of a survivor. She's good hearted (even though she has her moments that I'll explain more about later), is extremely intelligent, and has a strong will with a capacity to succeed. She has always been the one advocate I've ever had in my life. Without her, there'd have been no way I ever could've survived.

    My father on the other hand is a different story. My father was raised in a situation far worse than my mother was. More so I'm guessing than any of us will ever truly know. Whereas my mother's father was a religious hypocrite, my father's father was just about the lowest thing that ever crawled out from under a rock. At least my mother's father pretended to be a moral upstanding citizen. My father's father on the other hand was unapologetically open about his lecherous behavior. He was proud of it. (in fact I would even possibly go so far as to say he was a complete sociopath) My grandfather was a wife beater, who never worked a day in his life, proudly said "that's what I have the b**** here for", was an open racist who never referred to a black person as anything other than the 'N' word, physically and verbally (possibly even sexually, we don't really know) abused his children (specifically my father), and despite all of this was somehow never on drugs or alcohol and grew up in a kind loving family (once again, possibly just born a sociopath). I don't know my father's true history since he rarely would ever talk about it, but what I do know is that he was abused in numerous was by his father all through the years, and never received any assistance for it. My father absolutely 'loved' his mother though, who constantly coddled him and 'took care of him' all growing up.

    Now, as for my father himself, there's a lot that happens to be a major mystery about him. As to what exactly 'caused' his behaviors that I'm about to express to you, I don't truly know. I don't think this can simply all be blamed on the abuse he suffered, as we are all ultimately responsible for our own actions. Nevertheless, there are a number of possible contributing factors about him that should be taken into consideration. I'll merely describe his behaviors themselves, and mention some possible causes. Just keep in mind, these possible causes are not definitive. Having said that, lets move on...

    My father had an explosive temper. He never became physically violent, but he would brake things, throw things, pin people down and yell at them, and scream till he got red in the face. And these outbursts of his could easily be brought on by the most mundane things. There were numerous times in which he showed absolutely no signs of empathy towards other people. (i.e. he got angry when I was a baby at my crying so he nearly chocked me to death by stuffing tons of bread to my throat to shut me up, laughed hysterically when he taught me at the age of two 'how to shoplift' from Wal-Mart, was obsessed with revenge and getting even with people and would set out to destroy their lives in any way possible and would haunt them till the day they die, etc.) Now, my mother thought that he was just lazy and incompetent (possibly due to his own lazy and incompetent father), but at the same time he showed signs of possibly suffering from something else. Like I said previously, we don't really know. What we do know however, was that he had extreme difficulty remembering and following directions at work, and in doing chores at home, and in keeping up with basic things like bills and other typical adult errands. It wasn't just that he was lazy (don't get me wrong, he was lazy, but there seemed to be more to it then that), as he showed numerous signs of simply having mental difficulty keeping up with and completing basic tasks. And it certainly wasn't intelligence, cause if you engaged him on the right topic he'd quickly be able to show above average levels of intelligence. Yet of course these same problems carried over into his schooling as well. This is why my mother and I (and a number of psychologists) have considered him to have possibly been born with a strong case of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), on top of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He was officially diagnosed at one point with Explosive Personality Disorder (EPD), but other things that have been considered are Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Sociopathy.

    Now beyond all of that, my father was also a tremendous nerd. And I mean NERD. I'm talkin' old-school nerd, before nerd became somewhat cool. He loved all things superhero's, comic books, etc. He was a tremendous Star Wars / Star Trek fan, and loved everything Science Fiction and Fantasy. But most of all, he LOVED movies. He considered himself a 'movie enthusiast' and a 'movie collector'. He always had an entire wall of his house (biggest wall he could find near the TV) with shelves and shelves stacked full to the brim with movies. He would spend countless hours just sitting down obsessively watching movies (and TV shows btw, but mostly movies), and if anyone ever tried to break him away from it and bring him back into the real world to deal with any real world problems, that's when he would lose it and go into one of his explosive tantrums. He was a total Escapist. For those that don't know, an escapist is someone who in some way tries to 'mentally escape' into 'another world' in their head. It's basically what nerds do when they 'play pretend' in their minds and imagine themselves in whatever fictional world they (or someone else) dream up. In many cases, this is brought on as a learned defense mechanism in order for abuse victims to 'mentally escape' an otherwise inescapable situation. Of course at the same time we all do it to an extent whenever we go watch a movie or read a book, it's just a bit more extreme in these cases. So that is essentially my father.

    Still with me so far? Because we've only scratched the surface. So now that my parent's stories are outta the way, on to my own back story in the next entry...

  24. Musings of a random girl

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    soft whispers, as trees rustle, dancing to the wind's beat. as oceans hustle, mountains slowly move, and the distance of valleys grow smaller, its time and  not even land or sea will come 
    in between of what's mine

  25. InTheShadows

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    I always have two feelings every day no matter what I'm going through at any given moment. A feeling that something negative is going to happen, and the need to be ready for it. I feel like many of the events that are happening in my life mixed with the knowledge I've gained only strengthens this idea. I mean if it were up to me completely I would live the rest of my days somewhere comfortable with my life just enjoying being with her but I feel like even she proves it. She is so strong even physically Its one of the things that attracts me to her so strongly. I feel like once a certain list unknown to me has been fully checked off something insane is going to happen to test our strength in survival. Or, I'm more crazy than I ever imagined and I should get on medication. 


    The purple dinosaur next to me silently agrees.