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  • Desertrat56


    A bartender says, "We don't serve time travelers in here!” 

    A time traveler walks into a bar.

  • Desertrat56


    What do you call words that upset rabbits? 

    They're called 'Hare Triggers.'

  • Desertrat56


    Teacher: “Can anyone give me an example of a paradigm shift?” 

    Little Johnny: “It’s when you change a pair of dimes into four nickels.” 

  • Matt221


    After a day up the hospital being poked,prodded,test after test they told me i'm basically bugard i could of saved time and told them that

  • Overdueleaf


    For @Piney

  • acute


    There's a shortage of Carbon Dioxide in the UK.
    The Independent.
    What if we run out of CO₂ to breathe out? 

  • JVG


    The knee is getting better but still a bit sore. My daughter told me about a friend that got covid and had terrible knee pain? I don’t think I had covid but I have not been tested and I really don’t want a q-tip shoved into my brain. I will self quarantine to be on the safe side…

  • Hawken


    @acute is popular contributor again. I still think UM should award him something. How about dinner at Buckingham Palace with Queen Elizabeth. After the meal, a game of crochet. 

  • theSOURCE


    Some days I get a weird feeling that it's the 1950's and I'm stuck in an old drive in movie. You know, something like It Hitchhiked From Outer Space, or Night of the Schlepping Slime Monster. When I spot the tree branches moving in the breeze outside my window I begin to wonder if a reanimated prehistoric beast is going to break in and feast on my well marbled body.
    But then, I look over and see my rats stretching and yawning hello, and the happy little centipedes scurrying to and fro on the floor, and I let out a sigh of relief, because they have let me know that everything is going to be AOK. Ah, my babies.

  • Carlos Allende

    Carlos Allende

    Prince Andrew. Like the impossible-to-touch villain from a grindhouse film, ala Sin City, Female Prisoner Scorpion, etc, and possibly the only way he'll be taken down is if Danny Trejo flies through his roof in a paraglider made of knives. 

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