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A human fart is louder than a trombone. I discovered this once at my son's school concert.

Tomorrow marks 2 years since I began my journey with hip surgeries and recovery. I have to say it's been hard at times, but I am glad I've gotten this far.

The alien prediction was made in a video Eno Alaric posted back in December 2022 but it’s gone viral again as the date gets closer. “Yes, I am a real time traveller, the world will soon end,” the video said. “A very hostile alien species is coming to take back Earth, we will not win.” “Another alien, whose world was destroyed by the hostiles, will save some of us. On March 23, 2023, about 8,000 people will be taken to another habitable planet,” it continues. Most people think it’s a load of nonsense in the comments and there’s no proof any extraterrestrial creatures are coming – but only time will tell. https://www.hitc.com/en-gb/2023/03/21/tiktok-time-traveler-eno-alaric-says-aliens-will-invade-on-march-23/ https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/tiktok-time-traveller-claims-aliens-29524984 https://kgab.com/ixp/999/p/alien-takeover-prediction-march-2023/

Good night.

Three things that really irritate me: 1. Seeing the same robo-call on my phone 3,000 times a day. 2. People who drive like idiots. 3. People who make lists of things that irritate them.

A friend gave me some sweet potatoes, so I decided to roast them in the oven along with broccoli, carrots, red and orange peppers, sliced garlic. Sauteed some mushrooms for soup tomorrow and tossed some in with the veggies. It's pretty good!

When your diet is 80 percent meat, your farts smell like the cat's. So I thought a easy method to avoid embarrassment around the in-laws would be pick up a cat when I have to cut the cheese and blame them. But cats are far superior to humans and they turned this around by teleporting by my legs, ripping one and disappearing before anybody sees them.

Good night.

Good morning.

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for it’s health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves…

Brits: Don't forget to move your clocks forward tonight. About an inch should do it — otherwise, they'll end up on the floor. You're welcome.

Sign I saw today - "Before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home."

Happy Spring Equinox! Let the celebrations begin...

Happy Real New Year!!!!!

Sign I saw yesterday: "Baby Yoda" implies that there is "Scary Yoda", "Sporty Yoda", "Posh Yoda" and "Ginger Yoda"

Don't forget the clock's change tomorrow night.

I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

This is the type of article that would have sounded silly to me prior to 2020 election and Jan 6th. After Trump's election fraud conspiracy and with groups like the Oath Keepers at Jan 6th it's clear that Trump knows exactly what he is doing. He wants the support of these extremist groups

I just noticed two large bumps on my car battery… I had them tested and one came back positive… I hope it’s not terminal

Since I have a masters degree in wasting time I will begin working on my doctoral phd in Forensic Astrology.

Dear makers of activewear shorts for women, please make something flattering yet not too tight or too short for those of us who don't wish to show off our figure flaws at the gym. Sincerely, women everywhere. (Well, at least me)

My wife left a note on the fridge: this is not working, I'm going to my mom’s house. I opened the fridge door, the light was on, the juice was cold. What the hell did she mean?

The curriculum taught in US schools is as frightening as the teachings of North Korea, a defector of the dictatorship has said. Yeonmi Park, 29, who fled the hermit state as a young teenager in 2007, became a US citizen last year. She said she was "embarrassed" to study human rights in America. Her memoir, In Order To Live, detailing her perilous journey to freedom, gained her an international platform as a human rights activist. However, since relocating to America, and earning a degree from Columbia University, she has sounded the alarm over "cancel culture" and political influences on the country's education system. UK Telegraph via MSN

Due to lack of use... I have been denied access to my sanity.

The new Spring fashion has arrived for UM members!!!!

If you're ever locked out of your house, start talking to your lock, calmly and clearly. After all, good communication is the key

I do believe that Spring has sprung early. We have a "feels like" temperature today of 95

The Crow Creek Massacre happened during the beginning of a continental wide drought which I like to call the "Corn Wars" when the Arikara broke off from the Pawnee headed North for better soil and began attacking the ancestors of the Mandan who already were refugees from Cahokia and being attacked by Algonquians because they practiced cannibalism and human sacrifice. I always said if the Whites didn't get us, corn would because it's destructive to the environment in large fields and helped create large areas of "burnt" useless ground. @Grim Reaper 6

Good night.

When you wish upon a star, it's actually a satellite, and your wish has been recorded and cataloged. An agent is now assigned to your case

*home alone* Thoughts = Partyyyyy!!!! Reality = Peeing with door open

@Unusual Tournament I have a book recommendation for you. '1491:New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus' Charles C. Mann It will change your perception of what is "primitive".

My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

Yay! Cant' wait for it. I'll plan my outfit right away! What are you supposed to wear for alien invasions? Smart Causal? Formal? Beach Wear?

I wonder how people would react if I walked into Sea World with a fishing pole