What happened to Saddam Hussein?

[Fluffybunny]

I don't know if any of you go to www.theonion.com or not. It is a great site that spoofs current events; very funny. They happen to have an article on Saddam that is very fitting to this thread. It happens to be a "front page story" today, but it will soon go into the archives, so I can't really link to the article directly, the links seem to change over time.

I don't want to step on any legal toes, but I would like to post the article here.

BAGHDAD—Officials overseeing Saddam Hussein told reporters Monday that the detained former Iraqi leader rules over his cell "with an iron fist."

"Saddam is a very powerful man with a larger-than-life presence, and when he's in that cell, there's no mistaking who's in charge," said a special-forces officer who commands the watch of Hussein at an undisclosed location in Iraq. "We gave Saddam a small bag of nuts. While he was asleep, the rats got into the nuts and ate some of them. In retaliation, Saddam caught one of the rats' young, tortured it, and left it strapped to the wall with dental floss for days. Then, after it was dead, he stuffed its severed head with nuts and paraded it around the cell to warn the other rats."

"But Saddam will also be kind to the vermin and occasionally toss them an almond to fight over," the officer said. "In this way, he teaches the rats both to love and to fear him."

According to a CIA official, the dictator "personally monitors" every inch of his 12'x11' cell.

"Nothing escapes Saddam's notice," the official said. "He's assembled a secret lice force to collect information and watch over the cell while he sleeps. At first, it seemed harmless, but the lice grew in number every day. Where once there were a couple, now there are thousands hiding in the folds of his sheets."

Although Hussein is isolated from the other detainees, the former ruler of Iraq makes frequent proclamations.

"Every day at around 6, he delivers his morning decree," the CIA official said. "He tells the cockroaches and other vermin in the cell that he will protect them against the oppressive Western devils and reward those who remain loyal. Then he usually sings. I once rapped on the bars with the butt of my rifle, but that just fired him up. He started cursing a blue streak at me and launched into a recitation of the "64 Rules Of Order" for the cell. Now I know to just let him tire himself out."

Sources say Hussein has brought an atmosphere of pageantry to his cell, by decorating it with slogans and iconic images. He drew a flag on the north wall with chalk and etched the slogan "God Punish The Oppressors" into the floor with a toothbrush handle. He used the black heel of his shoe to draw his portrait on the wall and shaped a 14-inch statue of himself out of chickpeas and chewed bread.

"When I gave him the chalk, I thought he was just going to tick off the days with it, but I guess I should have expected more from a man as ingenious as Saddam," an unnamed soldier said. "Now, he delivers his speeches in front of the flag. He tried to use his bed and blanket to make a roster and bunting once, but we said 'No way.' Yesterday we caught him standing on the toilet reading aloud from his memoirs. We told him to get down before he slipped and hurt himself."

Hussein appointed 12 cockroach ministers to his cabinet, but he has already had to execute nine of them for crimes ranging from sexual impropriety to inappropriate scurrying. He has named his pillow the Ba'ath Party Military Bureau Deputy Chairman and Head of National Monitoring Directorate, and uses this top party member to execute disloyal subjects.

"It's not unusual to see Saddam running around the cell whacking everything in sight with his deputy chairman," the soldier said. "He's awfully attached to that thing. Not everyone knows how sentimental Saddam is. When they took his bedding to be cleaned, he openly wept for the loss of his closest confidant."

Hussein has repeatedly refused weapons and contraband inspections.

"Most of the prisoners I've dealt with see the daily checks as routine," the soldier said. "But Saddam likes to complain about how we need evidence of wrongdoing before we can cross the cell's threshold."

Occasionally, guards have been forced to threaten Hussein with sanctions to get him to comply with inspections.

"Every couple of days, he refuses to let us look under his bed," an unnamed soldier said. "There's never anything under there, but sometimes he likes to make a big deal out of refusing."

Amnesty International spokesman Troy Jergins said sanctions have little effect on Hussein himself, and only harm the cell's other inhabitants.

"If you take away his cigars or his half hour of fresh air, you're only hurting his subjects," Jergins said. "When we take his privileges away, he flies into a rage, killing insects, cursing at the mice, and throwing his toiletries at the wall."

Maj. Gen. Raymond Odierno, a top U.S. army commander in Iraq, responded to concerns that Hussein wields too much power in his cell.

"Well, we keep a pretty tight watch on him," Odierno said. "Besides, this prison is just temporary. They'll be moving him when it's time for him to face the international tribunal for his atrocities. His pre-cell atrocities, that is."

[stillcrazy]

Ouch, my toes hurt

That was too funny F/B

yes I do read The Onion. Best comical relief around.

Peace

[Gazz]

The last report I read on Saddam had

him being held in a special cell in

one of his own former palaces near

baghdad. Ironic?

In this special cell the US team was

at that time trying to break his will

by waking him every quarter hour with

loud rock music, he is chained to a bed

and has no window.

On the wall across from him is a large

picture of Geroge W Bush and an

american flag, just below that are

images of his dead sons and all of the

captured or killed members of his

former regime.

Aslo said as time went by Saddam has

become even more defiant, bitter and

angry.... Go figure.

Nothing more has been said about him

since that report, and I think it was

in the media just about 4 weeks after

his capture.

Gazz

Edited February 14, 2004 by Gazz

[wunarmdscissor]

Obviously theyre not toruring him.

Im sure the Arab world would love that. Whatever you say the americans arent that daft. He'll be gettin treated like every other prisoner of war. No matter what his crimes they cant disregard the Geneva Convention.

Oh unless they put him in camp X lol then they could do what they want.

[KayEl]

The Geneva Convention....

It seems that it applies everybody EXCEPT American troops!

Other countries can go on and treat our men and women as bad as they want to with impunity. WE on the other hand, are such saps!

[wunarmdscissor]

what are you talking about kayel?

Care to elaborate?

[odinsupreme]

Obviously theyre not toruring him.

Im sure the Arab world would love that. Whatever you say the americans arent that daft. He'll be gettin treated like every other prisoner of war. No matter what his crimes they cant disregard the Geneva Convention.

Oh unless they put him in camp X lol then they could do what they want.

wunarmdscissor,

I think the Arab world (and especially Iraq) would absolutely not like it when Saddam is being tortured, at least not the majority.

Odin

[wunarmdscissor]

Sorry i was being sarcastic, i forgot that people wouldnt have got that by the post lol.

I know there would be outrage within the Arab world if saddam was tortured thats what i meant. I was being sarcastic.

Thats what i meant by saying i didnt think the americans would be stupid enough to do it.

Ill make sure im morer clear when posting in future.

Edited February 18, 2004 by wunarmdscissor

[Talon]

I thought the sarcasm was rather obvious myself

[wunarmdscissor]

So did i lol

[stillcrazy]

I thought the sarcasm was rather obvious myself

So did I and I and I

Why is it that on any political thread, no one can see the sarcasm?

[Talon]

Why is it that on any political thread, no one can see the sarcasm?

Actually we've never had a political thread they usually just devolve into them.

In answer to your question, because some people are to thin skined at take everything personally. I'm got hate mail after the last one

[PrettyAndCorrupt]

Thom Yorke kicks ass

[doomgirl]

I found him

bigger pic

bigger pic

[+joc]

Sorry but I couldn't resist posting this again:

Edited March 1, 2004 by joc

[Spartan]

Saddam was put there ,all planed by the USA oil tycoons to keep the oil,OF COURSE,,now what happens in the mafia world when you want to keep the territory that you are given BANG YOUR DEAD,,,but in this case BANG YOUR AAH AHH AHH heheheheheheh

OH you still dont get it ,,mmmm ok ,,look he wanted iraq to himself,you see he got comfortable in his own country enoughf to think he can keep it,lol.