Your spouse could be an alien...

[IslandDreams102]

Taken from the Weekly World News website:

YOUR SPOUSE COULD BE A SPACE ALIEN

How well do you really know your mate?

The old saying about men and women being from different planets isn't always a joke: You may really be married to someone from outer space!

"As many as 5 million aliens are living in the United States after taking on human form," says Dr. James Kune, a physicist and former government UFO expert. "They're evenly split between male and female, and most of them are married though childless.

"My research has determined that the average person has a 50-50 chance of being married to one."

Dr. Kune says he has researched human-alien marriages for the past 10 years and uncovered at least 1,000 cases of aliens passing themselves off as humans -- so convincingly, few spouses have the slightest clue.

"Their motives for coming here remain unclear," he says. "World conquest, the desire to live on a strange planet, overcrowding on their home world -- take your pick. We will know the answer eventually."

Dr. Kune says aliens mate with us for both practical and emotional reasons.

"In the early years of alien visitation, many E.T.s were looking only for cover -- marrying a human man or woman took suspicion off them as outsiders. Eventually they realized that not all humans marry, that they could just as easily pass as 'confirmed bachelors' or 'old maids.' "

But most aliens actually did end up marrying. "For most other species, it's unnatural NOT to pair off with someone. The longer they stayed here, the lonelier and more eager for companionship they became. And so they began developing actual loving relationships with humans.

"One of the most surprising findings in my research is that these alien-human relationships are among Earth's strongest marriages. While the overall divorce rate for U.S. marriages is hovering around 50 percent, almost 90 percent of alien-human marriages last well beyond the so-called 'seven-year itch' that often marks the end of human-to-human marriage.

"I can only theorize that the aliens are working harder to make their relationships succeed, probably to protect their true identities. Or maybe they just like being married -- which," he says with a smile, "really should be our first clue that they're not human."

Getting serious again, Dr. Kune has several signs that point to your spouse being out of this world.

Alien husbands:

Love to fix things around the house -- and actually repair what's broken instead of making it worse. "This is obviously a function of their highly developed mechanical and scientific skills," Dr. Kune says. "They usually have every high-tech power tool they can get their hands on, and keep it all compulsively organized."

Do not use the TV remote to "surf" at lightning speed through channels, but stop at each program to absorb the information before moving on.

Are energized and stimulated by physical contact with their wife. They often initiate long conversations after a lovemaking session, in order to better understand the experience.

Will ask for directions when they're lost -- sometimes. "A significant number are just as stubborn about it as human men," Dr. Kune says. "I suspect that a lot of aliens are on this planet only because they couldn't find their way to their planned destination."

Alien wives:

Are fascinated by sporting events, especially those on TV. They become very quiet during a game and do not question their husband about it, preferring to focus on the game and tune in telepathically to the coaches and players.

Approach housework and meal preparation as research into human labor, which they prefer to conduct on their own. "When their husbands offer to help them with these duties, several alien wives reported feeling hurt and insulted," Dr. Kune says.

Work hard at being fit and attractive by getting regular exercise and practicing good nutrition. "I have not found a single instance of an alien wife asking her husband if she looks fat," Dr. Kune says.

Are analytical and logical in arguments with their husband, "although we are beginning to see the early development of the skill of weeping," Dr. Kune says, "as alien women become more assimilated into our civilization."

I can't believe there are people who believe this stuff, let alone read the Weekly World News...... Who here besides me finds this to be a bit stupid?

[shirini]

In high school i dated a guy, who after a night of drinking, told me that his a vampire from mars studing teenage humans!

[IslandDreams102]

Well,

I guess you never really know. Who knows? I could be an alien just like I used to brag I was in Elementary School...

[fulltimekiller]

i dont believe any of this

[Seraphina]

I think it's pretty clear the article is supposed to be a joke

[PsychicPenguin]

Oh yeah... Weekly World News.. HURAAH!!! Yes it is a joke.

Uh.. what is my GF doing?? OMG!! SHE IS EATING THE FLOWER THAT I GAVE HER!!!

[stillcrazy]

I think it's pretty clear the article is supposed to be a joke

Seraphina, I know you are right, but some poor sap is going to read this artical and wonder about his wife.

Humans are the craziest people

[PsychicPenguin]

Alien husbands:

Love to fix things around the house -- and actually repair what's broken instead of making it worse. "This is obviously a function of their highly developed mechanical and scientific skills," Dr. Kune says. "They usually have every high-tech power tool they can get their hands on, and keep it all compulsively organized."

Do not use the TV remote to "surf" at lightning speed through channels, but stop at each program to absorb the information before moving on.

Are energized and stimulated by physical contact with their wife. They often initiate long conversations after a lovemaking session, in order to better understand the experience.

Will ask for directions when they're lost -- sometimes. "A significant number are just as stubborn about it as human men," Dr. Kune says. "I suspect that a lot of aliens are on this planet only because they couldn't find their way to their planned destination."

... All of them fit me.. am I one of them?

[stillcrazy]

... All of them fit me.. am I one of them?

I've had my concerns about you..........

[Mekorig]

Acording to that text, i am an aline and didnt realizes it...

[stillcrazy]

Acording to that text, i am an aline and didnt realizes it...

Yup, you're another one I've had questions about.

[theSOURCE]

Alien wives:

Are fascinated by sporting events, especially those on TV. They become very quiet during a game and do not question their husband about it, preferring to focus on the game and tune in telepathically to the coaches and players.

Approach housework and meal preparation as research into human labor, which they prefer to conduct on their own. "When their husbands offer to help them with these duties, several alien wives reported feeling hurt and insulted," Dr. Kune says.

Work hard at being fit and attractive by getting regular exercise and practicing good nutrition. "I have not found a single instance of an alien wife asking her husband if she looks fat," Dr. Kune says.

Are analytical and logical in arguments with their husband, "although we are beginning to see the early development of the skill of weeping," Dr. Kune says, "as alien women become more assimilated into our civilization."

Hmmm.... I don't suppose they have a link to a "find your alien mate online" site, do they?

[IslandDreams102]

I think the person who wrote the article actually believed what he wrote!

[PsychicPenguin]

MORE NEWS!!!

PRINCESS ANNE'S DOG PLOTTED DIANA'S DEATH

Dotty Did It!

Investigators conducting the new inquest into the death of Princess Diana are reportedly taking a close look at an unlikely suspect: Princess Anne's killer pooch Dotty!

London researcher Clive Mulgrow contends that the infamously vicious bull terrier -- best known for ripping Queen Elizabeth's beloved lap dog limb from limb -- is also responsible for the deaths of Diana, boyfriend Dodi Fayed and their driver. And incredibly, probers are beginning to take his theory seriously.

"That dog is a homicidal maniac -- shockingly vindictive, cunning and resourceful," says Mulgrow. "My theory is that she stowed away with Diana's luggage, somehow made it into the car, and went berserk on that fateful drive, causing the fatal wreck.

"I've seen an amateur videotape taken at the crash scene that was locked away in a Paris police vault for years. It shows a small, furry blur leaping from the wrecked car seconds after the accident. I'm convinced that was Dotty."

The pet's involvement would explain the royal-family-orchestrated cover-up that has enshrouded the case since Diana's death in 1997, the veteran crime writer maintains.

"If the truth came out, Dotty would have to be put down," he says. "Princess Anne and the royal family, who've been protecting her for years, weren't about to let that happen."

There's no question that Dotty has a less-than- even temperament. In 2002, she attacked two boys in Windsor Great Park, earning her blue-blooded mistress a stiff fine. Over the Christmas holidays, the ultraviolent beast savagely killed the Queen's corgi Pharos. While a less aristocratic canine would have been destroyed, Dotty was merely ordered to see an animal psychologist.

There's also little doubt that there was no love lost between Princess Di and the demon dog.

"Dotty would snarl in a menacing manner every time she saw Diana, and once in 1996, shortly before the divorce, Dotty lunged at her at a garden party and tried to bite her ankle," a palace insider told Mulgrow. "If Prince Charles hadn't been there to boot the dog away it would have taken a chunk out of Di."

And the feeling was mutual.

"Diana once called Dotty a 'horrid beast' and told Princess Anne she 'ought to have the bloody thing destroyed,' " the eyewitness went on. "When Dotty heard that, she gave a deep growl of raw hatred. I have no doubt she wanted Di dead."

Published on: March 26, 2004

[fearfulone]

I can't believe the stupidity of this article...i mean, come on....

-->

besides that fact...does anyone here remember the show on the WB called 'Roswell'...about three teenagers who were aliens in human form and had special abilities...i believe this may be a possibility...i will say this article is ridiculous and stupid, but the belief that aliens take human form, this i dont believe is a stupid theory...

[babyforrest]

Ahh, The Weekly World News. How I love it.

[AncientLight]

Will ask for directions when they're lost

LOL I find that too be particulary funny

[paraclete1]

I think it's pretty clear the article is supposed to be a joke

Seraphina, I know you are right, but some poor sap is going to read this artical and wonder about his wife.

Humans are the craziest people

Hey now... I wondered about my wife, years before I read this article... Her dark hair, almond eyes, yellow complexion...

...like I believe she's really from South Korea just because that's where we met in 1977!!!

Don

[stillcrazy]

I think it's pretty clear the article is supposed to be a joke

Seraphina, I know you are right, but some poor sap is going to read this artical and wonder about his wife.

Humans are the craziest people

Hey now... I wondered about my wife, years before I read this article... Her dark hair, almond eyes, yellow complexion...

...like I believe she's really from South Korea just because that's where we met in 1977!!!

Don

Do you know when she took human form?

I think the author of the artical watched 'men in black' one too many times.

[about]

There are as many as 5 milion aliens in the United States, passing themselves off as human form.

Co'mon peoples!

Didn't they say something like that in Men in Black?