Phobia for being alone

[The Orpheus]

I forgot what the scientific term was, but there is supposedly a phobia for being alone.

I notice this in a lot of females, but it seems as if the real phobia normally tends to appear more than males. Females are just by nature a lot more romantic, thus "desperate" for finding a "soul mate". But men however, differ in this field, and when cursed with this phobia, seem to respond a lot differently.

A lot of them seem to be that way because they were abused as a child or have gone through some sort of trauma involving their parents.

Ever met a guy or man who wanted love, who was looking for the right girl, yet cheated or talked dirty to other girls, even if he had a girlfriend he was content with? And when he did not have a girlfriend, he would desperately try looking for one, it didn't matter who she was, or even sometimes whether she was a tasteful one, he just wanted one, and always needed one to keep his life happy...that he would take any girl who wanted him, and still talk to the ones who he wasn't dating?

Those are in high school, called players. Not the stereotypical guy who is in it for the sex, but a guy who was probably abused or neglected in childhood and has a void big enough for it to be called a phobia.

This appears in a lot of women too, mainly why a lot of women turn to abusive relationships and whatnot, but I've seen it more in guys from my personal experience. Or maybe I'm being sexist. Idk, hah.

These men want somebody, they truly do, but their phobia or trauma may cause them to want more than what they already have, some have wondered if they could love more than one person. Outside of high school, they turn cannot commit to an actual relationship or marriage--they tend to have affairs. It is as if just one person isn't enough to provide them the love they need.

Has anyone else noticed this? Sorry if this topic is stupid or anything.

Edited January 20, 2009 by The Orpheus

[Stormcrow]

"Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself."

I haven't really noticed it, but I do know women that are afraid of being alone are more prone to staying in abusive relationships. Not sure about men though.

[The Orpheus]

Yeah, when women have it, it's pretty bad, because they tend to have the lower hand.

When men have it, they have the upperhand--they can manipulate women into "loving" them and can make sure that there is always a girl in their life.

With women, they get all sad after a break up and have to go through a period of recovery.

[Mistydawn]

The one thing that I have noticed through-out my life, is that men who lose their women partners, for whatever reason, be it death, divorce, separation, whatever, even if they stated all along that that particular woman was their 'soul-mate', have almost immediately replaced her with another woman. So I suppose it supports your idea that men can't bear to be alone, or else, or maybe as well as, they are good liars.

[jay123]

Men are programmed to spread there seed, that's why there less soul-mate minded.

women however, get pregnant, thus can only grow one seed at a time, there programmed to find the ONE man who is best for the job.

Simple human nature in my opinion.

[little_dreamer]

The one thing that I have noticed through-out my life, is that men who lose their women partners, for whatever reason, be it death, divorce, separation, whatever, even if they stated all along that that particular woman was their 'soul-mate', have almost immediately replaced her with another woman.

One person springs to my mind - Paul McCartney!

[Mistydawn]

One person springs to my mind - Paul McCartney!

Yeh, "Sir Paul" - cough cough...

I have personal experience of them too.. one guy I know was working abroad with his wife of a few months, she was involved in a car crash and died. He flew back home and with in three months married his wifes's best friend. That's only one... guys, you gotta love 'em!

Edited January 26, 2009 by Mistydawn

[Lt_Ripley]

Men are programmed to spread there seed, that's why there less soul-mate minded.

women however, get pregnant, thus can only grow one seed at a time, there programmed to find the ONE man who is best for the job.

Simple human nature in my opinion.

lmao . 'spread their seed' lmao. sure if they are animals. what good is a higher brain if one can't control themselves ?

[D1CKY D1AMOND]

"Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself."

I haven't really noticed it, but I do know women that are afraid of being alone are more prone to staying in abusive relationships. Not sure about men though.

I know quite a few women who have remained in abusive relationships for years... It really has nothing to do with being alone etc. It has everything to do with them being controlled. When men inflict physical abuse it not only damages them physically but emotionally as well.

For example abusive men will say things like your a whore and ugly and I'm all you have etc... At this point women become broken and in turn become submissive etc.

Men and women who have this fear of being alone I find tend to be ****ty... you know like sleeping with a guy on the first date or do anything that they think will keep someone around... One of the dirtiest tricks men and women both use is deception like women stopping the pill or guys cutting tips off condoms etc in an attempt to trap th other person into a relationship... Sometimes it's even worse then that especially when they said person becomes obsessive etc.

Personally myself i prefer to be alone catching the odd piece of tail every now and then.

[Rosewin]

Separation anxiety is what children usually suffer when being away from parents for the first time and such though it can manifest in different ways this is not what you are speaking about.

Every human being, male and female, have a need for connection with others, it does not necessarily have to be love of the romantic kind, but if we lack such connections many problems will occur, including the belief that 'love' will save the day so we go looking for one partner after another never being satisfied.

Anyways I used to be accused of being a 'player' and a male **** but it was as you described, I was never in it for the sex, or to trick people into sex, but more of simply being wanted by someone. My problem, and most likely that of all those in the same description, is that I never knew what love was, the more I talked about it and pursued it I thought I knew, but I was lost, did not know how to love myself, so therefore unable to truly love anyone else, no matter how many pretty words were said.

[Marby]

I think that a lot depends on the individual personality and upbringing, and would not want to lump men and women into little categories, even though I have to concede that a lot of the generalizations made here are pretty spot on.

Personally, I am one of those women who was not only brought up to be her own person, but being alone has never equated to loneliness for me either. My husband and I are of similar attitudes, and because of that, are happy to give one another space when needed. I know that there are plenty of women who need a partner to feel validated, and both men and women who simply do not like to be alone and will make bad decisions out of desperation to avoid being alone. In the case of the woman who feels she needs a man at her side to feel "whole", a lot of that may well be the individual, but we also live in a culture that has coined lovely terms like, "spinster" and attached a negative connotation to the woman who is alone and independent. Luckily, that's been changing in the past twenty or so years, so some of the pressure is off.

It does seem that widowers remarry much faster than their counterparts, Paul McCartney being the prime example. I don't know that it's due to a phobic fear of being alone, but rather, because the companionship is nice, especially if you are older. I believe that women are really not all that different, though. They are just more reluctant to remarry, and prefer to have a man in their bed, not in their house.

I would hate to call these people phobic, though. I would think that a clingy individual is merely clingy, and a person who fears being alone and tolerates abuse has other problems to contend with on top of that fear. We are, after all, human beings with emotional needs that cover the full spectrum. To label large groups of people, or types of people as phobics might be a tad heavy handed, though that is not to say that such a phobia doesn't exist for some.

Edited January 27, 2009 by Marby

[John from Lowell]

A truly self empowered person can be alone or with a partner. It is true that there are few of these people in our culture. I suspect that is because they do not know how to empower themself.

John

[jay123]

lmao . 'spread their seed' lmao. sure if they are animals. what good is a higher brain if one can't control themselves ?

LOl, Imo, were just animals.

[Bunny Munro]

I think it has a lot to do with the psychological condition (I have no idea what it's called, if someone could tell me I would be very grateful) of constantly filling one's life with activities as a method of avoidance of one's own supressed feelings.

There are a lot of very loosely anecdotal assumptions about the genders in here, I for one can say for one that as a male I'm very (as much as I dislike the word) 'soul mate' orientated.

Edited February 6, 2009 by Affliction

[The Orpheus]

I think it has a lot to do with the psychological condition (I have no idea what it's called, if someone could tell me I would be very grateful) of constantly filling one's life with activities as a method of avoidance of one's own supressed feelings.

There are a lot of very loosely anecdotal assumptions about the genders in here, I for one can say for one that as a male I'm very (as much as I dislike the word) 'soul mate' orientated.

I'd agree. I've searched personality disorders and apparently it is a part of a lot of them.

[Magicjax]

I may be wrong but it just came to mind as I was reading.

Isn't the fear of being alone one of the fears we are born with? I can't remember where I read it but I think they are:

-Loud noise (A loud sound scaring you)

-Something jumping out at you.

-Being alone

If I remember right these are the only things that scare us right away. All other fears are learned through experience.

I'm not claiming I'm right here. It's just what I remember reading somewhere and it makes a lot of sense. A baby would be afraid of a loud sound, something jumping out and no one to care for them (mommy's gone, etc...).

True?

Edited February 22, 2009 by Magicjax

[Bunny Munro]

That may be true, but surley it would be one the mast majority of people would have to conquer eventually?