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Jokes about other nations!


Bozena

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A German, a Russian and a Slovak are applying for an engineer job in Austria. The manager is asking for the salaries.

Firstly, the German comes, he wants 8000 euro salary - " Living standard in Germany is high, so I can easily return to Munich if you give me less than 8000eu " After that the Slovak comes, he is more modest, intelligent and high-educated " I want 2000 euro per month ". Afert them the Russian goes to the manager and says quietly - " I want 6000 euro. 2000 for me, 2000 for you and we will give 2000 to the Slovak to do the job "

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Australian joke:

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

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Why is good to be American:

1. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.

2. If you can breathe you can get a gun.

3. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.

4. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".

B.

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1. true

2. not true, fortunately

3. very true

4. i never called anybody buddy except someone i know whose name is buddy

i dont know any more, but the other 2 were good.

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The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Source: from everywhere!

Bozena

p.s. My comment: French don't eat fat that much. They eat very healthy food.

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Swiss joke:

In Heaven the cooks are French, the lovers are Italian, the mechanics are German, the police are British, and the whole place is run by the Swiss.

In Hell the cooks are British, the lovers are Swiss, the mechanics are French, the police are German, and the whole place is run by the Italians.

--------------------------

The first one is right!

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Israeli's joke:

A frog and a scorpion were sitting on the bank of the River Jordan. "Hey frog," said the scorpion. "I need to go to the other side of the river. Would you carry me across on your back?"

"No way," said the frog. "If I let you come close to me, you'd sting me and kill me."

The scorpion said, "That would be stupid. If I stung you while we were in the river, we'd both drown."

"Hmmm, that's true," said the frog. "OK, hop on."

So the scorpion climbed on the frog's back and they headed out into the River Jordan. Halfway across the river the scorpion stung the frog.

"What did you do that for?" cried the frog, as they were both going down for the third time.

"I couldn't help it," said the scorpion. "This is the Middle East."

B.

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Chinese joke:

A Chinese lady married a pilot and they had a baby. One day he had to fly to another state with a couple of other pilots. His wife was going to China so he had to take the baby with him. On the plane the baby was getting really annoying. The pilot said, "We have to jump or we will have no chance to make it."

They decided to leave the baby on the plane. One guy jumps out then the next one then the Dad.

The 1st guy got to the bottom and he sees the baby. The man said, "How did you get down her so fast. We left you up there."

The baby replied, "Me Chinese me not dumb me hold on to daddy's bumb he goes tooot I go zoom that's how I got down so soon."

B.

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"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." —Jay Leno

--

"Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." —Jay Leno

--

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." —Conan O'Brien

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"According to the Pentagon today, secret surrender negotiations are now underway with key Iraqi military officials. That's what the Pentagon said: We're in secret negotiations, so for God sakes, don't tell anyone. ... What we're doing basically is giving these key Iraqi military officials instructions on how to surrender. See, this is where we could have used the French." —Jay Leno

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"After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here. Hard to believe they were invaded twice." —Jay Leno

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"Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Figures — just like the French to show up after the hard work has been done." —Jay Leno

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"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." —Rush Limbaugh

--

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French.

--

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

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Jokes about Scotish people:

1. Little boy called Jamie asked father, called Wallace, "what will my name be when I grow up?"

Father said "Jamie of course". Little Jamie said "do you mean to say I will have a little boy's name when I'm a grown up man?

2. "In some Scottish restaurants they heat the knives so you can't use too much butter."

3. McTavish took his girlfriend out for the evening. They returned to her flat just before midnight and as she kissed him goodnight she said: "Be careful on your way home. I'd hate anyone to rob you of all the money you've saved this evening."

4. A Scotsman decided to get married so one morning he sent messages to three of his girlfriends, proposing marriage. Two phoned immediately to say "yes' while the third phoned that night to say the same. He married the third girl saying, "The lass for me is the one who waits for the cheap rates.

5. A little scottish boy ran into his house and breathlessly said to his father, 'Dad, I ran all the way home behind a bus and saved 50 pence.'

His dad replied, 'You could have saved more that that. If you had run home behind a taxi, you could have saved £2.50'

6. A Scotsman living in London was always boasting about his native land to his English friends.

One of them asked him. "If it's such a wonderful place, why don't you live in Scotland?"

"Well," he explained, "they were much too clever for me there, but I get on quite well her."

B.

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God visiting England, France and Greece

God decides to visit the Earth to see what men think of his creation. So he comes down to the surface and starts his travels in England. He comes to a farmer working in the fields.

- "Mr Farmer, Mr Farmer. What do you think of this land that I have made for thee? Are you happy with it?"

"Well, it's very scenic. I like the lakes, and the rivers, and the swamps, and the mountains. But, you know, there is not enough space. All the land is lakes, and rivers, and swamps, and mountains, and there is no room to grow anything."

"Hmmm, yes, I understand. Well, suppose I remove most of the lakes, and the rivers, and the swamps, and the mountains. Would that satisfy thee?".

"Yes, that would satisfy me." So God does, and the farmer walks away happy.

God continues his travels and comes to France, where he meets a peasant, toiling in the vineyards.

"Mr Peasant, Mr Peasant, are you happy with this land that I have made for thee? Are you happy with it?"

"Well, the climate is excellent, and the soil grows good grapes. But, you know, my master doesn't care about that. All he wants to do is to get the grapes to wine as quickly as possible. He doesn't care at all about the quality of the wine."

"Hmmmm, yes, I see. Well, suppose I take away your master and give you a new master? Would you then be happy?"

"Yes, that would satisfy me." So God does, and the peasant walks away satisfied.

God continues his travels, down through Italy, and eventually comes to Greece, where he meets a farmer working in the fields.

"Mr Farmer, Mr Farmer, what do you think of this land that I have made for thee? Are you happy with it?".

"No, I am not happy?".

"But why not?"

"Look. This is my ox [points here], and this is my neighbour's ox [points there]."

"But what is wrong?"

"Don't you see? Look! This is my ox [points here again], and this is my neighbour's ox [points there again]. His ox is twice as big as my ox."

"Hmmm, yes, I see. So suppose I made your ox as big as your neighbour's ox. Would that satisfy you?"

"No, you don't understand."

"But why? If I make your ox as big as your neighbour's ox, you will both be equal."

"No, you don't understand. I want you to KILL my neighbour's ox!"

Bozena

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  • 10 months later...

- Now I will tell you a joke about the Swedes!

- Yes, but I am Swedish ...

- Calm, calm, I will explain it to you afterwards!

There was once a Swedish a Danish and a Norwegian who should compete to see who could lean furthest out a cliff. Suddenly won the Swede.

Heard about the Swede that m********d so violently that his self-winding wrist watch had come to 25 May 2021?

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i didn't get that one lol

About the monkeys?

Apparently the Swedes claim that they come (originate) from the monkeys, but the monkeys say that this can not be true.

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About the monkeys?

Apparently the Swedes claim that they come (originate) from the monkeys, but the monkeys say that this can not be true.

My advise to anyone. Never trust a monkey ;) still scratching my head :lol:

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My advise to anyone. Never trust a monkey ;) still scratching my head :lol:

There you have it The Silver Thong, that's you Swedish heritage for you. yes.gif

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I known some ethnic and nation jokes (esp. about Mexicans...and Canadians too, they run at us with hockey sticks). But I rather be safe and careful on typing them on the board, even it is out of good self-humor or in the USA, we don't have a deep ill for these nations really. I share about 5 of them (please forgive me).

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One Less Drunk.

What you call an Italian fountain standing in a front yard?

A broken toilet.

How did the Poles fought off their enemies invading their land?

They marched backwards.

The name of the all-Greek batallion in the Falkland Islands War.

Save the Sheep.

The mystery of the glowing apparition of Our Lady of Fatima solved:

A group of German sun-seeking tourists will do in any Portuguese village.

Edited by Desert Man
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How do you get an Irish man to burn his face?

Phone him while he's ironing.

What doees DNA stand for?

National dyslexics Association.

I have loads of filthy jokes but I dare not write them here.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Being of (half) French parentage, I know a load of French jokes and most of them I won't want to repeat them, not due to emotional feelings about my Dad and he likes some of them. XD Many nationalities are somehow proud of their distinct cultural character the world knows about how they (theorically) are.

For example, France has a long history of bitter defeats and surrenders:

1. The French national flag: White.

2. The French method of invading an enemy trenchline: They don't, runaway and hide in their line, and won't throw a shot.

3. The French military salute: (hands up in the air).

edit: UH-OH :huh: My 666th recorded post on 13:13 (1:13pm) local time on a day before 9-11. I knew it: I'm cursed and hopes not be BANT.

Edited by Desert Man
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Here are some classic "make fun fo the Irish Jokes".

If you dont like em being about the Irish, simple replace the word "irish" with any nationality fo your choice.

1. How do you get an Irishman to burn his face?

- Phone him when he is ironing.

2. What do you do if an irishman throws a pin at you?

- Run away, he has a grenade between his teeth.

3. 2 Irishmen Hijack a Submarine, they ask for £3.000000 and 2 parachutes.

4. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are working on a building site, the Englishman open up his lunchbox

"Jam, I HATE jam, if I get jam one more time, I am gonna jump off this roof".

Scotsman opens up his lunch.

"Cheese, i HATE cheese, if i get cheese one more time, i am gonna jump off this roof".

Irishman opens his

"Ham, I HATE ham, if i get ham one more time, i am gonna jump off this roof".

Next day at work. Englishman opens his lunch, has jam, jumps and dies, scotsman, gets cheese, jumps off roof and dies, Irishman gets ham, jumps and dies.

The following week at the joint funeral the wives of the three men are mourning "if only we KNEW they did not like cheese and jam", said the English and Scots wives, "I dont understand says the Irishmans wife.... Paddy used to make his own sandwiches..."

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  • 2 weeks later...

I saw this the other night ...

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