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51 things to do at the supermarket.....


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1]Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2]Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3]Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4]Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5]Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6]Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7]Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8]Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9]When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10]Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11]Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

12]Play with the automatic doors.

13]Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14]While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"

15]Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16]Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

17]Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18]Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19]As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20]Put M&M's on layaway.

21]Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22]Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23]Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

24]Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25]Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26]TP as much of the store as possible.

27]Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28]Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29]When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why

won't you people just leave me alone?"

30]When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31]Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

32]Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33]Take bets on the battle described above.

34]Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

35]While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36]Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37]Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38]Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39]Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40]Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

41]Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42]Two words: "Marco Polo."

43]Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44]"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

45]In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

46]When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47]Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48]When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49]Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50]Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.

51]If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

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