Redneck computer terms

[emmy]

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods

BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern

BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick

BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro

CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps

CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in

TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker

CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited

DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers

DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer

FAX - What you lie about to the IRS

HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking

HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos

INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair

KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere

MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food

MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers

MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall

MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live

NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line

ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test

ROM - Where the pope lives

SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch

SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast

SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year

SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear

LOG ON: Makin the woodstove hotter.

LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

MONITOR: Keepin an eye on that woodstove.

DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truck.

MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin that farwood downloaded

FLOPPY DISK: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.

RAM: That thar thang whut splits the farwood.

HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.

PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.

WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside.

SCREEN: Whut to shut when its' blak fly season

BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.

CHIP: Munchies for the TV.

MICRO CHIP: Whuts left in the munchie bag.

INFRARED: Whur the left over muchies go (Fred eats them).

MODEM: Whatcha do to the hay fields.

DOT MARTIX: Ol Dan Matrix's wife.

LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps.

KEYBOARD: Whur ya hang the dang keys.

SOFTWARE: Them dang plastik forks and knifs.

MOUSE: What eats the grain in the brain.

MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn ruf.

PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.

ENTER: Northern fer "c'mon in ya'll.

RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't member whut ya paid foe new rifle when yore wife asks.

[Althalus]

PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.

or round here: whut the mail aint all yeer rownd

CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps