"GRITS"

[Nxt2Hvn]

Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away

with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's

prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart"

or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they

put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like

a BB on a six lane highway."

Or, "Bless her heart, she's so buck-toothed, she

could eat an apple through a picket fence." There are

also the sneakier ones:

"You know, it's amazing

that even though she had that baby 7 months after

they were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds."

As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the

insult can't be all that bad. I was thinking about this the

other day when a friend was telling about

her new transplanted northern friend who was upset

because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a

Southern accent. My friend, who is very

kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about

those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this.

After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move to

the South a couple of years ago. Can you believe

it?" said her friend.. "A child of mine is going to be

"taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss.."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends

are from the north, bless their hearts. I welcome their

perspective, their friendships and their

recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've

even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't

find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless

their hearts, don't like cornbread!

We've already lost too much. I was raised to say

"swanee," not swear, but

you hardly ever hear anyone say that anymore, I

swanee you don't.

And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying

something is "right much," "right close," or "right good"

because non-natives think this is right funny indeed.

I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious

when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the

doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every

time I am "fixin" to do something.

And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where

"over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her

heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home."

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:

1. Drinking straight out of a can.

2. Not sending thank you notes.

3. Velvet after February.

4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.

Southern girls always say:

1. "Yes, ma'am."

2. "Yes, sir."

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:

1. "Y'all come back! now ya heaah,"

2. "Well, bless your heart."

3. "Drop by when you can."

4. "How's your mother?"

5. "Love your hair."

Southern girls know their three R's!:

1. Rich

2. Richer

3. Richest

Southern girls know everybody's first name:

1. Honey

2. Darlin'

3. Sugah

Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:

1. "Gone With the Wind"

2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"

3. "Driving Miss Daisy"

4. "Steel Magnolias"

Southern girls know their cities dripping with southern charm:

1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =( Atlanta as outsiders say)

2. Richmon

3. Challston

4. S'vannah

5. Birminham

6. Nawlins'

7. OH! And that city in Alabama ? It's pronounced

MUNTGUMRY!

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:

1. Bad hair

2. Bad manners

3. Bad blind dates

G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South!

Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone

else Raised In The South,

i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females aspiring to be

GRITS. Even the Northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts".

That reminds me. I have a rubber stamp that says

"Just because your children

were born in the South does not make them

Southerners. After all, if a cat

had kittens in the oven, that wouldn't make them

biscuits."

Bless Yer Hearts!

[Michelle]

Do you know why southerners have trouble getting anything done?

Cause they're always reckon and a fixin.