[Archived] Make up a lie about poster above

[+OverSword]

And that's how Helen became knowledgable of this case. Helen runs the only company in all of Croatia that does DNA stool testing (surprising considering the low level of honesty amongst Croatian politicians, not like the USA) The process; Helen Takes the stool sample, get a spoonful, swishes it around her mouth like a wine connoisseur tasting a fine merlot, and then swallows. Usually to ensure accuracy she does this multiple times with each sample. 100% accuracy guaranteed.

Edited March 4, 2013 by OverSword

[SpiritWriter]

And then she french kisses oversword.

[the1truebat]

Thus making SpiritWriter jealous, OverSword needs to stay away from her woman.

Edited March 5, 2013 by the1truebat

[Helen of Annoy]

None of current participants in this thread would ever cross the line and say something so gross even I have to wait for 7 and half seconds before taking another bite of this... thing... that I’m eating.

That includes the bat, who didn’t want to mention he’s jealous too, so jealous he’s about to replace his jar of vaseline on OverSword’s nightstand with jar of lard, out of fear of offending the people in the back of the closet.

[SpiritWriter]

And then onetruebat had to create a secret league whos aim was to come against the bloody stool breath trio that began to stalk the streets at night. They armed thierselves with altoids, floss, dental picks, floride and other assorted items which were arranged with special holsters on their belts and on thier backs. I was the first one attacked and "saved", being the last one kissed the stench and power of my breath was the weakest. One truebat and his team are still looking for the others.

Edit: Namely Helen the leader of the stool mouths....

Edited March 5, 2013 by SpiritWriter

[the1truebat]

We're currently trying to find the orangutan who kissed her, however he refuses to come out of hiding due to this being his second attack by SpiritWriter, and he is embarrassed.

We hear that his therapy is going well, and he should be in court later this week to swear out a restraining order against her.

[Simbi Laveau]

What no one knows is, bat also makes a line of facecream ,and is in direct competition with Helen's company .

She out sells him at every turn ,which gets his panties in a bunch .

He has sent numerous spies to Helens factory,to steal all her seahorse humucant virgin blood secrets .Problem is ,they have all ended up sacrificed for the virgins blood portion of Helen's cream ,and they never return .

Bat needs to rethink hiring 11 year olds because they work cheaper than anyone else .

He pays them in Belgian chocolate rejects , he buys wholesale .

[the1truebat]

Simbi Laveau has tried and failed to start severals businesses, his latest creation was dresses for donkeys, unfortunately he was sued for sexual harrassment for sleeping with the models. Oh, it was a huge mess, cops, the fire department, the ASPCA, everyone got involved. I got hauled out of bed at 3 in the morning to talk him down,(Because, it seems, I get stuck dealing with all the weirdos, just look at OverSword) "Why do I want to talk to this jackass" I asked the cop.

"No," The cop answered, "We want you to talk to the photographer not the donkey"

"Yeah, the jackass." I replied

I do have one question, how'd you get the Donkey up on the highdive in the first place?

Edited March 6, 2013 by the1truebat

[Simbi Laveau]

Bat is colorblind . He drank a gallon of my "models" wee,thinking it was orange juice .

He kept exclaiming ,come down Simbi ! whilst gulping the stuff down .

He even mixed some with vodka .

Given I am not a sex crazed male,ahem,I never had sex with any of the "models" .They also weren't models .That was the cover story. I was actually rescuing them from Helens donkey farm. She milks them and makes cheese out of it ,which she sells to bat whole sale.

He says a breakfast of Helen's cheese and that yummy orange juice he found just lying around near all the donkeys ,is the breakfast of chumpions !

[Helen of Annoy]

Simbi almost won downhill cheese rolling competition with my cheese!

She did come first, but lost the cheese. Shame.

And how she lost my cheese? Molehill, what else.

The cheese hit the molehill and bounced off, hitting the line judge in the nuts, he yelled “Ow, %#@& you, Simbi!”, to which his wife responded from the upper end of the track “Hah! Like you could twice in a year!” and he growled back: “It wasn’t me that one time, I’m not blind like you are, cow!” which prompted his wife to come down the tracks to rip his apparently useless part of anatomy off.

Some people wanted to defend him, some wanted to hold him still until wife comes down the hill, all other contestants let their cheeses go and took sides, so when Simbi hit the finish line there was no one to cheer and all the cameras were directed the other way, there, where the line judge was suffering the consequences of the fight for the freedom of the speech.

Edited March 6, 2013 by Helen of Annoy

[Queen in the North]

Helen constructs wigs with hairs originating from areas of the human body you really don't want your wig to be made from.

Then she gives them away free with each pot of her face cream. £149.99 a tub, that stuff is!

[J. K.]

Queen in the north is the model on the cover of Helen's catalog. After several months of intense therapy, the photographer has been able to resume his work.

[+ouija ouija]

J.K. is the aforementioned photographer. Helen very kindly gave him a free tub(sample size ...... she's not that generous!), of her face cream and you can see the effect it had on his skin from his avatar: the skin has firmed up so successfully that it has caused his lips to be pulled back in a permanent rictus-type grin ......... scary!!!!

[Queen in the North]

You all keep referring to me as Queen in the North... I prefer "Your Highness". Or "God", whatever.

Ouija ouija is just jealous that her method of finding eternal youth, the ouija board, didn't work out, and is now using enough pharmaceuticals to give a walrus a facelift in order to achieve her look.

[+OverSword]

Her highney, Queen in the North says to herself "I just know I can make a superior face cream here in Britain, than that cheap Croation stuff" So she set to work making the British version of the cream. The main ingredient is milk that her hiney personally extracts from from male cows which comes out after a vigorous milking. The other ingredients are top secret.

[Queen in the North]

Oversword is actually the person I employ to milk the male cows. He's just bitter.

[the1truebat]

Don't be upset, My Queen, I understand that it's a blow to your self esteem. You shouldn't take his rejection too personally, OverSword doesn't like pretty women either.

[Simbi Laveau]

Bat is just jealous of Overswords way with the ladiieesss.....

Bat also has intimacy issues ,so he tries to sweet talk all the girls,but is repeatedly spurned and told to ,"sod off you ******" repeatedly .

He's joined all the dating sites ,and still can't find a mate .Even a primate will do that this point ,but not even chim chim is interested .

Poor lonely bat .

[the1truebat]

Simbi, are you still mad that I dumped you for a new model with go faster stripes?

[Helen of Annoy]

Simbi raised a bat once, believing she’s raising a kitten. Particularly ugly and slightly malformed kitten, which only added to its charm.

Then one day night ugly kitten flew away. Simbi didn’t see it happen so she thought her kitten got lost or stolen and made “lost kitten” flyers with photo of her baby bat. People would call her to express their disapproval of making fun of lost pets flyers, PETA called to threaten to retaliate for use of animal photo unauthorized by the photographed animal, which is clearly an act of animal abuse, Simbi’s neighbour called to pant in her ear... all in all, no trace of baby kittenbat.

Months have passed, maybe years.

Then Simbi bumped into a man dressed like Batman. “Kitty!” she screamed, hugging the guy tightly “Is that you, itty bitty my tiny kitty, look at you, all grown up and... oh... oh, so you are a boy, I thought you were girl, boys usually have larger heads... so happy to see me too...”

“No, crazy lady, that’s my phone.” he said coldly, unwrapping her hands off his latex-clad body, proving once more that straight guys don’t wear tights.

And up there in the night sky you could see a lonely bat shadow flapping against the Moon, but you couldn't hear him merrily greet his foster mother in ultrasound. Proving once more there's always someone who loves you. who's going to ninja post on me *shakes tentacle*

Edit: it was the1truebat who flipped Simbi off like that. tights-wearer.

Edited March 7, 2013 by Helen of Annoy

[the1truebat]

Helen of annoy could quite possibly be one gorgeous woman, if only she'd shave off her beard.

[J. K.]

the1truebat gave Helen a Batwoman costume, but she wouldn't wear it. Now bat just pines away in his Batcave, gazing at the photos of Helen on his computer screen.

[the1truebat]

Which is slightly less pathetic than J.K. who dresses up in womens undergarments and goes looking for sailors in bars.

[Queen in the North]

the1truebat makes puppets from human remains, and goes to children's wards and terrorises the already scared, sick kiddies.

[the1truebat]

Good morning, your highness. Done spackling your makeup on already? It normally takes 3 or 4 hours just to make you resemble a female.

Edited March 7, 2013 by the1truebat