theSOURCE Posted January 21, 2014 #7251 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Feebs drapes don't match the carpet. No seriously, every room in her house looks bizarre because the poor thing's color blind. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 21, 2014 #7252 Share Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Speaking of carpets, theSOURCE would traditionally carry a rolled up carpet out of his house, with totally visible shoes sticking out of it, stuff it in his car, wipe his hands on his pants theatrically and drive away. Neighbours loved it, the Halloween wasn't complete without that. Some years, the carpet looks heavier than usual, and everyone can see that, so they say: "Oh, he was especially in the acting mood this year, it looked just like an actual body was inside it! If only we had more of such entertaining guys in the neighbourhood!" Edited January 21, 2014 by Helen of Annoy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keel M. Posted January 21, 2014 #7253 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Every other Tuesday, Helen leaves the house with her clothes on inside out and backward and shoes on the wrong feet. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted January 21, 2014 Author #7254 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Child of Bast has given up all hope of becoming a pop-star. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 21, 2014 #7255 Share Posted January 21, 2014 After seeing what fame did to OverSword... who would want that? He started believing in what tabloids and Internet said about him and forgot nearly all photos were shopped. It inevitably led to "Don't you know who am I?" situations. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted January 21, 2014 Author #7256 Share Posted January 21, 2014 YOu can't say that about me!!!! Don't you know who I am????!!!!!??????? Helen of Annoy was a paprazzi for a tabloid in Croatia and followed me every where until the incessant flashing of her camera drove me to drinking and drugs, thus ruining my carreer as a pop star. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 21, 2014 #7257 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Actually, if you want to be left alone and have your fame status honestly ignored, Croatia is the right place. I remember some ego-tripper walking around all wrapped up, like he just escaped Saudi Arabia and had no time to change the burka for clothes... in attempt to go unnoticed. Well, if he simply walked around unmasked, no one would notice him. This way, everyone noticed the wrapped up idiot, but still, no one, me included, can't remember which one of self-centered morons was it. Because I do not care. Now the lies, filthy lies... OverSword's groupies are particulary fanatic. They claim he can turn water into wine by yelling: "Waiter! Take this water away and bring us Plavac Mali." Plavac Mali is what Zinfandel came from. No, seriously. They also believe OverSword could make crude oil cheaper if only he'd ask all these important people who would instantly listen to him, because he is so influential, god damn it, but OverSword won't do it out of concern for nature and as part of his quest to save the environment. Then they believe OverSword is not bald and it's not a wig, it's quite the opposite. You see, OverSword is so un-freaking-believably amazing and important that his hair is a separate person of its own and therefore has its own bed. They also believe OverSword can make thunder, but that is straightforward, undisputable truth. If you don't believe it, just feed him cheese and prepare to be amazed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 21, 2014 #7258 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Researchers think they are one step closer to solving the 1896 Airship wave that happened across the US. All they had to do was ask me as I knew all along that it was Helen of Annoy and ET riding through the night eating Reese's pieces... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 21, 2014 #7259 Share Posted January 21, 2014 That's what Mantis wants you to think. The real truth is that these were Mantisoid motherships temporarily out of control, because you see, it's the male alien mantisoids that are pilots. When the mating season caught them in Earth atmosphere, virtually all pilots lost their heads, quite literally, so it took a while before few ugly male mantisoids were found still alive in cargo areas. They couldn't fly for ****, because just having a head still attached to your body is not enough for flying, you need training too. So it were female mantisoids that were driving a little and complaining a lot, blaming each other for having no self-control at all. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 21, 2014 #7260 Share Posted January 21, 2014 That's what Mantis wants you to think. The real truth is that these were Mantisoid motherships temporarily out of control, because you see, it's the male alien mantisoids that are pilots. When the mating season caught them in Earth atmosphere, virtually all pilots lost their heads, quite literally, so it took a while before few ugly male mantisoids were found still alive in cargo areas. They couldn't fly for ****, because just having a head still attached to your body is not enough for flying, you need training too. So it were female mantisoids that were driving a little and complaining a lot, blaming each other for having no self-control at all. I'm just thankful that I got to the escape pod before my raging hormones got the best of me. Now, I have to locate a copy of The Beatles Yellow Submarine and play it backward to find out Helen of Annoys next plan of attack... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 21, 2014 #7261 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Mantis needs no oldfashioned record player to play ancient vinyl records. He just spins them on his pointy arm and reads them with the other. With funnel stuck up his ass for optimal sound. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 21, 2014 #7262 Share Posted January 21, 2014 After scaring half those around me to death with super THX fart sounds, Helen of Annoy put 2 and 2 together and figured out where the sounds that were coming from the sky a couple of years ago were in fact me flying over after eating 12 fried bean burritos... And people thought it was the end of the world... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 21, 2014 #7263 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Consequences of 12 bean burritos are the end of the world, just because you survived only proves further that you're not human It's true, Mantis is not human. Underneath that mantis costume he's mantis. He has some normal human clothes, like a bathrobe, but still he's mantis, even while he wears said human bathrobe. Bathrobe made for humans, that is, not bathrobe made of human. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 21, 2014 #7264 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Consequences of 12 bean burritos are the end of the world, just because you survived only proves further that you're not human It's true, Mantis is not human. Underneath that mantis costume he's mantis. He has some normal human clothes, like a bathrobe, but still he's mantis, even while he wears said human bathrobe. Bathrobe made for humans, that is, not bathrobe made of human. Aha! So Oversword spoke the truth about you being a paparazzi and I thought a storm was coming in from all those flashes. I just hope the female mantis ninjas that were sent after the film can recover it from Helen of Annoy. After all, she can attack 8 at once with her tentacles. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 22, 2014 #7265 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I can only pet the 8 with my tentacles, I'm incapable of attacking due to microchip Mantis implanted in my lower brain via burrito. It's true, the chip is inside a burrito and once inside the body, it travels through blood stream guided by emotion-detecting sonar and lodges itself in the part of the brain responsible for emotional decisions. That's the true reason why burritos trigger explosive digestion in some people, it's the natural defence against self-implanting chips. You'll never think of diarrhoea the same again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted January 22, 2014 Author #7266 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Mantis, don't trust Helen. It's a known fact that the only thing she enjoys eating more than close relatives are other peoples close relatives followed closely by puppies or kittens (depending on which is closer) next in line are oreos, chupa chups, popcorn, and weasle stew, but not far behind are insects so you are in imminent danger unless you have one of her close relatives some one elses close relative, puppies or kittens (depending on which is closer) oreos, chupa chups, popcorn, or weasle stew in your pocket. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 22, 2014 #7267 Share Posted January 22, 2014 OverSword, I told you hundred times you can't carry weasle stew in your pocket. It's not opossum tail. You need a crock pot for weasle stew and you're one letter short of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantis914 Posted January 23, 2014 #7268 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Oversword and I tried to talk Helen of Annoy from trying out for the Olympics but she wouldn't hear of it. She's going for the pole vault jump and now I can see where she would have an advantage with all the extra tentacles but will the judges allow it. I saw Feebs carrying a crock pot so Helen will be fed well for the event. I wish her all the luck but as Oversword tried one last time to talk her out of it, a tentacle snagged on him and he went up and over with her on the jump. After landing, he lost all memory so I think I'm going to have to try and make one of my bean burrito mind chips for him... here goes nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted January 27, 2014 Author #7269 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Mantis hasn't been on for a while because he's still in jail for that drinking and driving ticket that he forgot to pay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 27, 2014 #7270 Share Posted January 27, 2014 OverSword can't drive at the moment either. The polish on his toe nails is still too fresh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted January 27, 2014 Author #7271 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Helen likes to match her surroundings and save money so her nail polish is the paint left over from when she forced her husband to paint the kitchen at gunpoint. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 27, 2014 #7272 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Well, the kitchen really needs a fresh coat of paint... and my husband really needs some excitement in his life... noted. OverSword used to spray whipped cream directly into his mouth until unknown someone left paint spray in the fridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted January 27, 2014 Author #7273 Share Posted January 27, 2014 (So now I spray it up my nose instead) Helen invented a new beverage for Croatians, she ferments fish heads in sewage water, bottles it and sells it. It's called papalina puke brew. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted January 27, 2014 #7274 Share Posted January 27, 2014 OverSword cured his baldness with cow pie. He would wear a sombrero to hide it, the cow pie, not the baldness, it was gone in two weeks, but before he would hide it with long nose and ear hairs combed over. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillSoMysterious Posted January 27, 2014 #7275 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Apparently, ol' Helen of Annoy (If that is her real name) enjoys the pleasures of coitus with her local vicar, and his wife Marjory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts