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OverSword

[Archived] Make up a lie about poster above

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OverSword is a patriot so he didn’t want to mention it was discovered the Croatian marble is the reason why all US presidents seem to lose their minds after they start living in White House.

Contrary to popular belief, stone soaks in the vibrations from the surroundings so Brač marble is impregnated with madness and when it was put in the less insane surrounding, it immediately started giving the crazy away.

If only young Bush wasn’t fond of sitting at the front porch of White House...

And it was OverSword that played the key part in discovering this odd marble effect: he was human Guinea pig. He only took that job because he mixed Guinea pigs and gerbils, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that he entered the White House half insane and was wheeled out in the morning total lunatic.

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But that was because I had to physically fight off Helen all night. We were in the Lincoln bedroom and she was using her gerbils and hampsters trying to make me a human habitrail.

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It wasn’t me. I’m surrounded with too many cats at any given time to engage in any sort of perversion involving rodents.

OverSword went fishing once and caught a drowned person. When he came home, he told everyone he caught a drowned person, and it was a miracle he was able to pull it out because the dead guy must have been basketball player or something, higher than anyone he ever met and so heavy they had to call towing truck to load the body into ambulance.

Later he met some friends and told them the same story, only now the weight of the drowned body broke the ambulance floor and they had to tow the body to the morgue using same towing truck mentioned before.

After couple of beers, some more friends showed up and OverSword told them the same story, only now the body he caught couldn’t fit through hospital door so it was laid on the ground in front of the hospital.

The next day he was interviewed by the local media and told them the same story, only now both Greenpeace and sanitary inspection showed up. Greenpeace to protest against whaling and sanitary inspection to fine hospital for disposing a whale on their property. When reporter showed surprise, OverSword reacted angrily: "Are you calling me a liar?"

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The person that OverSword caught was Helen, but she was not drowned. She was wearing her Expand-O-Matic suit which sucked up all the water and caused her to appear as a whale. She owes OverSword a favor, because Greenpeace hired her to be their mascot.

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JK is an egg laying mule, an experimental product of a new division of sciences taking place in helen and overswords shared barn.

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SpiritWriter, SpiritWriter, have you forgot you took your first steps in that very same barn, and though you had troubles coordinating all your left and right little legs we encouraged you to boldly go where no half-human centipede has gone before.

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Im trying mama, but they make fun of me at school.

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It's not true. It was SpiritWriter that made fun of other people in school. The BMW her Daddy bought her for her 16th birhtday made her feel superior. He had originally bought her a Saab but she threw a tantrum because it was the wrong color.

902-large.jpg

Edited by OverSword
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Oh, my, OverSword, I’ll never make fun of your transvestism again... you look almost like a girl in that photo, seriously, almost.

Just a shovel of makeup more and you could fool a little desperate guys into buying you a beer.

Note that this photo was taken before OverSword’s reverse nose job, when he had nose ridge implanted so he doesn’t look like carp anymore.

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Helen likes carp better so she takes out the noseridge whenever they're together and keeps it in a baggie in her pocket. She always handles it carefully and cleans it off before inserting it again.

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Helen was going to try out for the Croation national womens weight lifting team but quit when she learned getting your fat ass off the couch doesn't count as weight lifting.

SpiritWriter was also going to join with Helen for moral support but they don't let Americans on the team.

Edited by OverSword
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Actually, I can lift my own weight but not much more than that and it has to be a case of absolutely necessary showing off and my back hurt afterwards. I was also always warned by older women not to lift anything heavy because men could see me do that and realize we are not physically incapable of lifting stuff, only mean and lazy.

OverSword once lifted a truck to save person stuck under it.

It was really Barbie doll under toy truck but he still recounts that story as if it was all real.

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Lor_rainne has no umbrella. She has to keep borrowing it, because each time she goes to buy one she gets distracted and buys something else and completely forgets it’s the umbrella she wanted.

Once she was so close and bought a parasol, another time a set of tiny cocktail umbrellas and so on, but one plain, simple, real umbrella... that's mission impossible for some reason.

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Helen of annoy is so long and tall her head looks like a giraffe and her body looks like the Eiffel Tower.

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You’re supposed to sprinkle some of that stuff on tobacco, roll it up in Bible-thin paper and leisurely smoke it. Having it undiluted in few greedy takes out the bong makes the experience far too ripped out of reality. I'm telling you, listen to aunty Helen. *throws your bong in thrash* *takes it back, on a second thought* *decides to plant some basil in it and keep it on the kitchen counter*

Anyway, it’s true. SpiritWriter inherited few sacks of organic hashish from her late uncle’s attic.

It resulted in all kinds of wonders, one of the most puzzling was that she thought she went through the wall last night and in the morning it turned out she was still on this side of the wall, but her pyjamas were on the other side, in a room that was locked up until we all went searching for the renegade pyjamas.

Edited by Helen of Annoy
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Helen of annoy doesn't wear Pajamas and every morning when she steps outside to get the paper, hair in curlers, coffee in hand and naked as the day she was born her neighbors throw-up in thier mouths a little bit.

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I've been seeing shapes in my peripheral vision lately while reading in my room before bedtime. It's as if someone in a white gown is walking down the hallway past my door. I asked OverSword for his help, since he has become involved in paranormal investigations. (Helen came too, since she incessantly stalks OverSword).

During the investigation, OverSword walked around with his EMF meter. When he got to the hallway, the meter beeped several times. He turned on his digital recorder.

"Is anyone here?" he asked. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

There was silence, until OverSword noticed the air in front of him shimmering. A white shape materialized; it was a woman dressed in old-style night clothes.

OverSword gasped and grabbed his video camera. The woman turned, and faced OverSword. Suddenly, she screamed at the top of her lungs and slapped his face.

Meanwhile, I was in my house, waiting for OverSword to arrive. I heard a noise outside, and looked out. OverSword's van was parked at my next door neighbor's house. I saw my neighbor, old Mrs. Bentley, beating OverSword on the head with her cane as he was running across her yard.

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I recently got an invitation to be on the Muary Povich show. I was there to take a DNA test. Guess what JK? I am not your baby Daddy!

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Oversword has so many children he doesn't kbow what to do. But he doesn't live in a shoe he lives in a pumpkin, with his wife who takes up most the space, he's real skinny though and kinda just squirms around her.

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SpiritWriter has been working on an epic poem dedicated to me.

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Oversword also writes epic poems to himself, the words are so profound and ambiguous they neither make sense or are allowed to touch the paper. So he sits on his neighbors balcony (thinking this is a romantic place) squeezing ink out of an ?, letting it get all over his hands and singing in a very strange language.

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SpiritWriters poem was written in Hatopus ink!

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OverSword gets high off non-toxic children's felt tip pens. No, it's true, he does.

Unfortunately for him it's merely the placebo effect, brought on by the fact that he had a particularly dumb group of friends as a kid, who told him you could get high off felt tips, rather than Sharpies.

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Overswords poem was written by glueing leaves all over his body and standing nude in an apple orchard.

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