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Still Waters

When Garden Gnomes Attack

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Still Waters
Zombies get more press, but garden gnomes may be a bigger threat to public safety.

Or so says Chuck Sambuchino of Cincinnati, who is on a one-man crusade to warn his fellow citizens about the looming dangers garden gnomes present to America's suburbs and rural areas.

"As many as 10 percent of unsolved cold cases probably involve garden gnomes," Sambuchino told AOL News. "It's a serious problem.

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schizoidwoman

I've never come across "the lawn jockey" before reading this story, it's certainly a new one on me!

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Rocketgirl33

Good book for the worried garden gnome owners out there! Rid your yard of their evil little faces now while you still can! Buy the book so that you will be sure to survive an attack when it happens, and it looks like from this artical, the attack will happen! Always be prepared! :w00t:

Rocketgirl B)

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~TheBigK~

"It's almost like they hired a PR company to create a campaign that would make their image more cuddly, rather than the murderous murderers they really are."

"The rain hitting the roof masks the sound of drilling through the wall," he said. "They attack you in bed, which is why I recommend making papier-mache copies of you and putting them in the other bedrooms. That way, if they attack you, you have time to see it happening and escape."

Hahaha. This man is my hero.

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Stormcrow

I am gonna get me some garden gnomes. They might know the Travelocity fellow, they could get you some good deals.

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JonathanVonErich

"As many as 10 percent of unsolved cold cases probably involve garden gnomes,"

This man is crazy...Come on, 10 percent...Who's gonna believe that !?? Ridiculous....

I think it's more like 5 percent.

:mellow:

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farandaway

I've known it all along...finally, someone has the courage to speak out against these hideous, insidious, evil creatures!:gun:

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JonathanVonErich

But of course nobody talk about how many Garden Gnomes are killed every year. I'm sure thousands of gnomes are killed by humans each year. Ok, some are self-defense murders but still...Think about the Gnomes for a minute !!

injured-garden-gnome.jpg

Look, you can see the fear in his eyes.

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~TheBigK~

But of course nobody talk about how many Garden Gnomes are killed every year. I'm sure thousands of gnomes are killed by humans each year. Ok, some are self-defense murders but still...Think about the Gnomes for a minute !!

injured-garden-gnome.jpg

Look, you can see the fear in his eyes.

That's not fear. That's just his misleading little ways trying to catch you off-guard.

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Still Waters

Good book for the worried garden gnome owners out there! Rid your yard of their evil little faces now while you still can! Buy the book so that you will be sure to survive an attack when it happens, and it looks like from this artical, the attack will happen! Always be prepared! :w00t:

Rocketgirl B)

If you buy the book you can use it to whack the gnomes with :D

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IamsSon

Garden Gnomes. That explains SO much!!

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Mac E

Sounds like an entertaining book to read. It makes me want to put a camera on my gnome. Just in case it moves. And if it does move, I'll sell it on ebay as a bizzare statue.

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Ashyne

This is like the Max Brooks book The Zombie Survival Guide...

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Rocketgirl33

If you buy the book you can use it to whack the gnomes with :D

Thanks, good advice! I think in this case I will set the dogs on the little heathens!

((I have a friend who has a whole yard full of these little boogars, Iam going to buy her the book and give it to her at christmas!!)) :rolleyes:

Rocketgirl B)

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thewild

I have seen some gnome footage.. lessee, here we go. On youtube (very scary!!!).

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JonathanVonErich

I don't trust that one. Seems too realistic to me. And we don't know what's in the pipe.

garden-gnomes.jpg

Looks like a rapist. But i won't say that, i'm a classy guy.

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meankitty

They are a menace. As I recall even the Weasleys had a garden gnome infestation at the Burrow.

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susieice

Sounds like an entertaining book to read. It makes me want to put a camera on my gnome. Just in case it moves. And if it does move, I'll sell it on ebay as a bizzare statue.

Don't forget to post first. We want to be the first to know. :yes:

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D_DIDDY

Thank god, it's about time. If i had a nickel for everytime i've been attacked by one of these monsters, i'd be rich, very rich.

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JonathanVonErich

Scary picture here...A garden Gnomes reunion...I wonder what they were planning that day...Maybe raping our grand-mothers and taking all the cookies from the cookie jar.

7_garden_gnomes.jpg

Edited by JonathanVonErich

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arglebargle

They are creatures of pure hate, and should be exterminated.

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booNyzarC

All of this propaganda giving garden gnomes a bad wrap makes it really difficult for the good ones to get ahead in life. <_<

It's not right I tell you. :angry2:

Why, just the other day one was turned away from an interview at my office just because he was a garden gnome. The hiring manager completely ignored all of the qualifications on his resume and stopped the poor little guy at the front door without so much as a hello. It's no wonder they might get a little upset with that kind of racial profiling. :P

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JonathanVonErich

I agree with you Boo, but most of the times Garden Gnomes are searching for trouble. Just look at the evidence i found:

gnome1.jpg

I think 90% of Garden Gnomes are evil and wants to hurt humans. Of course I say this with absolutely no scientific evidence whatsoever.

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booNyzarC

Oh my goodness... what strange things we human beings create...

Not only did someone come up with that particular garden gnome concept, they actually created a cast for it, produced it, painted it, and marketed it. The only thing worse is that other people purchased it...

That picture is wrong on so many levels JVE... ROFL :lol:

Good job! :tu:

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Donnie  Darko

Alright so apparently this is some big joke to most everyone...but...what's the real story behind these creatures? Wasn't there somekind of footage filmed last year by some young people in Argentina? Also, previous to the said footage, there had/have been numerous reports of sightings. I have heard only a few stories regarding gnomes. There's also footage of a small "Gnome-like" creature dissapearing into a wall while a few kids play..ofcourse they scream and run out.

Now, I have no prove ofcourse(as these things go..)but...at my aunt's house, which my be a portal for the unexplained(half joking), there were sightings. Small creatures running around on two feet dissapearing into walls. There was one extremely chilling experience I had during the day time no less....

When I was about 7 years old(give or take one), I slept over at my aunts house from time to time. On this day I woke up on the couch at around 9am..so anyway everyone was asleep I walked around for a bit..inside the house..then proceeded to fall asleep on the floor. Well truthfully I wasn't very tired so I just layed there with my eyes closed trying to fall asleep..when my eyes began to feel a tad heavy something unusual and frightening occured...

Something began pulling my hair with its claws. Keep in mind, there was no cats or dogs...and I doubt it was a mouse, possible but there are sounds it made me to believe otherwise...so it began growling..or like a demon..kind of groaning..and I sensed it was doing it to scare me too. I could feel its feet and nails pulling my hair and poking at my scalp..it was enjoying that I was panicked yet paralyzed with fear..I wanted to open my eyes so badly..but what would I do? After about 2 minutes(that seemed like forever)it walked away..I could here tiny footsteps..anyway...could it have been a gnome?

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