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You Know You're Middle-Aged If...


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1. You've come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.

2. The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car in the "10 items or less" lane.

3. You've stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.

4. You've found yourself discussing rain gutters.

5. You remember your kids' names, just not always the right one.

6. You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.

7. Your high-school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.

8. You buy "age-defying" makeup and "antiwrinkle" creams and believe they work.

9. You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.

10. You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator music.

11. As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.

12. You've had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic "for the last time in a generation."

13. You'd pay good money to be strip-searched.

14. Wal-Mart and Target seem to share your fashion sense.

15. The only way you know how to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.

16. You can pack two suits, five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag in less than five minutes.

17. Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.

18. On Saturday night, when your wife mentions "hot oil, a little friction, and squealing," you tell her you'll have the car looked at first thing Monday morning.

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