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Capture The Flag


Bracket

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Hello, dear. It was rather boring inside your sofa but I found your remote, butt plug and some change. Here, have the change and the remote, retrieve the plug yourself. It’s just under that crater in which you usually sit.

The flag was in ouija’s secret closet compartment. It’s so secret even she doesn’t know about it.

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What chu tryin ta say Chubb .....? *waves hands around in bizarre inexplicable manner* . I'm not gansta enuff fu yu....

Anyhoooo.....poor Lyle has the flag shoved up his nether ink region .

Helen is a harsh mistress .

I tickle Lyles beak ,which makes him squirt ink all over Helens head . She inhales a bunch and passes out drooling unattractively into an ink puddle .tsk ,flag was very easy to take,and she won't ever abuse Lyle that way again .....ppphhhtttt !!!!

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After you are arrested for 'touching' Lyle I go into stealth mode and break into the police evidence room.

I escape with the flag and leave you end your days in the company of Bea Smith stuck in Cell Block H.

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Stealth mode only works if you know how to do it, contrary to popular belief, a moving cardboard box isn't stealthy, it's silly.

Of course dropping 80 tons of cow manure on Junior as he plays in his box isn't stealthy or even subtle, but it sure is funny.

Take shower, Stinky.

Flag is mine.

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Where does one get 80 tons of cow poop .....you hang out in strange circles batty .

Enter one roadrunner .Hes running circles around batty . Enter Wile Coyote .He drops one ton weight on roadrunner .

Lo and behold,weight misses its mark . Batty went splatty .

Flag is mine ! Meep meep !

Road_Runner_cartoon.jpg

Edited by Simbi Laveau
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Maybe in bizarro world, not so much here. You see, teleportation technology is just one click away. Life is really easy when you have billions and tons of free time.

So, I escape your weight, teleport in front of you, clothesline you and take my flag as well as deliver the tasty roadrunner to Wile E. Coyote, who in turn slips me 200 bucks for finally taking care of that little pest once and for all.

Flag is mine.

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While you have me tethered to you via the clothes line ,you accidentally teleport us both on to the mining ship Red Dwarf,after the radiation leak .

Lister takes a shine to me ,and wants no other male competition . Can you blame him ? *batts lashes beguilingly *

He knocks you out cold with some ink from the despair squid ,and jettisoned you off the port Baugh in a terraforming pod ,directly towards Rimmer world ,where you are stripped naked ,oiled up ,and used to massage his greatnesses behind .

Flag is mine and Listers :lol:

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What the Smeg!!

Good thing for me that some of Krytens nanobots stuck to my cape.

They're able to not only build me a faster than light fast attack craft, but also a wormhole generator/dimension hopper.

First, I go get "Ace" Rimmer to bring Rimmerworld under control, then I hop realities and go find me a Kochanski, the original one, not the new one. Then I D-hop to Red Dwarf and present Lister with his one true lady love. while you're in shock, I take my flag and tell the Cat that you're a single female who's ready for some lovin'

Flag is mine.

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*rolling laughing*

Oh ,that was so good !

*bows at you*

m(_ _)m

I need to recoup from this one. IOU on the retort ...

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ZCat and I live happily ever after . I love a guy with fangs . I do miss eating a good vindaloo out of Listers armpit hairs though .

*sad eyes*

However,I got bored with Cat ,and went in search of other diversions.

I found Michael Meyers alone and lonely . (I love a guy with a weird face mask too) .

He promised to always be faithful ,as long as I helped him indulge in his Halloween hobbies .

He likes to practice however. Keep his techniques sharp,quite literally . So we buzzed by your house ...

Flag is mine .kekekeke^^^

Edited by Simbi Laveau
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Oh, Simbi. You poor, deluded, misguided, creature. Michael Meyers and I go way back. He's been to therapy, the knife's a fake, he's so medicated that even Robin Williams thinks he's high. Please, take him back to the asylum, and check yourself and him back in. If you're good, and take all your medication, we'll go to see the kitties again, how'd that be?

No no, sweetie, I'll hold the flag for you.

Flag is mine.

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While you and Simbi are starry-eyed with your fantasies of minor actors, swapping stories and gazing into the middle distance with unfocussed eyes and stupid grins, it is just too easy(as usual), for me to stroll by and retrieve my flag. I have been gone several hours before you realise what has happened.

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"Ouija, ask your mystic board who has set the acme instant hole that you fell into."

I shout, snatching my flag out of the air as you fall into the darkness.

Flag is mine.

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*waves fist* you're toast Ouija2 !

Batty is easily distracted by loose woman . I introduced him to Al Bundy ,and between Kelly and the nudie bar,no one has seen batty in weeks.

Flag is mine

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Gone for weeks, you mean hiding from Peg. Sheesh, that woman is all hands.

Speaking of the nudie bar, I just waited for Simbi to clock in, I tossed her a handful of quarters and while she was picking them up, I took my flag and walked out.

Flag is mine.

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Oh, Batty,........That ain't no flag you took there.... That was the main stage slippy, sloppy dance pole......You numpty.

Whilst I giggle to myself at the mayhem which ensued, half watching you fight with the bouncers over their trying to retrieve their pole from your drunken paws....

I hide, MY/the Flag.....Under my full length leather coat and nipping out in a flash through the back door....I Hop onto my........Well, I won't tell you what I am driving, as that would only upset your engine.......Size, envy and all.

The flag is mine.

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It was an honest mistake.

You didn't know about the homing beacon? Easy enough to trace, What do you mean "Size envy"? You drive a Gremlin. Oh, and for future reference, a doublewide in a trailer park with "sekret hidout" Painted on the door isn't very subtle. No need to get up, just keep watching your stories, I'll get the flag myself. I'll send you some more bonbons.

Flag is mine.

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Fool! fool! fool! That wasn't me or the flag..... that was my decoy....Baba Yagga... I still have the flag. That homing device you planted was throwing the flag pole out of balance as I swayed it in the victory dance......It was easy to find, shoved in the end like that.

I left that with Baba.... She has you under her spell now. Ha, Ha, Ha.

The flag is still mine. All mine.

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Babba is putty in my hands, isn't that cute, I sweet talked her into putting a curse on you.

Makes it easy to walk in, take my flag and dose you with sleep gas.

Flag is mine.

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Oh no! Not another curse!!!....

I have only just gotten rid of the last one.

There's only one thing for it..... Recapture the flag and hope it removes the curse-ed curse from me with its powers....Did you know the flag had powers? Well it has.

i awaken from the sleeping gas to find the flag gone and the curse on my back. It's a heavy load...but no matter.

Following your muddy foot prints back to your bat cave....

Your feet are so big they where easy to find and the stiletto heel marks gave you away immediately. Not everyone can rock a pair of size 12 stilettos.

Reaching your cave, your most inner sanctum, I just followed the snoring sounds.....Deep inside your hovel, there you where. Snuggling up to your teddy in your pink tutu you know the one, the one with the flower trim on the spaghetti straps.

Watching you curled up like that,

it was hard to think of you as the enemy who lumbered me with a curse and stole MY Flag.....

Coming to my senses....

I slide the flag from under your big bum that was sticking out of the bed.

Quietly and stealthily....I take my leave.

The flag..... is mine.

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Woman stole my flag, only one way to get it back.

Your security system is a joke. Your henchmen are merely a distraction and your death traps are formidable, but not invincible.

I stand in your vault, staring at my flag as you walk in.

That, I didn't count on.

Thinking quickly, I use the moment of confusion as a distraction, by landing an earthshattering kiss of Fonzlike proportions on you. Leaving you momentarily stunned, I take my flag and leave. I know I'm gonna pay for that, and it's gonna hurt, but for now...

Flag is mine.

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Herpes on all your lips!!!!!!

How dare you bamboozle me in such a despicable way....

The interesting thing however, is that the lipstick colour left on my lips, is very becoming.

You simple must tell me what lipstick colour you were wearing as it blended beautifully with my own? It is quite the best shade I have ever worn.

Lipsticks aside....

Back to the real issue...

MY Flag.....In your pesky mitts.

This will not do at all. Now how to reclaim MY Flag???

.....Scurries off to concoct a master plan.......Watch this space...

In the mean time.....

I might just pop to the shops and see if I can find this lip colour, whilst I have a think about my plan.....

Ha, Haaaaaa,

There i was in the cosmetics department, when who should stagger in but.....the1truebat, himself.

Hiding behind the Bobbie Brown blushers... I wait and watch.

the1truebat goes to his favourite counter,

I can tell from the reception from the sales lady that he is a regular.....

Oh, look....

That's the lip colour...

Good, two birds with one stone.

I slither past and plant a tiny homing devise, far superior to his about his cuff and continue onto the champagne and chocolate counter. Where I can clearly see him faffing about.

Once he leaves,

I go to the counter and ask for the same lipstick as he has just purchased.

Good, now I can follow him and reclaim MY Flag wearing my new blended lip colour....I love it well a plan comes together :yes:

as for the flag...Well thats the easy bit.......I just follow him, bop him on his big bounce and retrieve what is rightfully mine.

Job done....

Now, shall I get some new shoes to go with the lippy?

The Flag is mine.....All mine.

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Sucker.

Thinking 2 steps ahead of you, (as per usual), you've been tricked once again by me. Allow me to enlighten you. The lip color thing cost millions to develope. Testing ran around the clock for months until the perfect color was attained. All this effort to create something perfect for you, for one simple purpose, mind control.

That's right, The instant I laid one on you, your will has been mine. Now you've strengthened my hold on you.

Now hand me my flag. Thank you.

Now, what to do to you...I have to think on it, but until then,

The flag and you are mine.

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They don't call me 'Eight Step Chess Master' for nothin' ya know.

2 step!..... Ha!

Tis nothing......The simplicity of disco dance beats. :su

Whilst you carry on bopping around the floor under the disco ball with your sequin shimmer dress and your fake gucci clutch bag in front of your size twelve stiletto-d feet.....

.....Carry on, with your counting..... 1, 2, 1, 2, ......I shall proceed.

'Eight Step Chess Master' may be a bit of a mouthful, i know but it does give my followers the time to bow and kneel gracefully whilst i pass. :nw:

I decided to shorten it to eight step, some years ago because I am modest like that and I was glad to get away from all that grovelling.

Why am I telling you this?....... You may well wonder...

It's because,

Over the years, of having numerous stalkers and sycophants. I have learnt a few things about sudo-mind control.

Enough,

To become impervious to most of the DFSA, GHB's, Sedatives, Hypnotics and Amnesiac that exist......Your feeble attempt at such a product via the lipstick had an immediate reaction and my super powers kicked in automatically.

Pretending to go along with your evil deceptions however...Only allowed me access into your quarters without any objections.

The flag,

Though hidden in that secret closet of yours.....You know the one, with the full size painting of you in the nude holding your favourite grunge LP signed by the band...... Twas easy enough to find and open.

Only one thing to do but leave a lipstick message for you scrawled across your most prized self obsessed painting.......

"You Can Kiss My......Beeswax..... with your Roofie lipstick, eight step has left the building".

The Flag.........Is mine......All mine :clap:

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