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Capture The Flag


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I wondered where that picture went. I was young and needed the money, don't judge me.

Well, 8 step hoochiemama, or whatever you call yourself these days. The perfect color is working perfectly. that's not the flag, it's a dirty dish rag attached to a metal spoon. That rag you're snuggling is the same one you cleaned my bathrooms with, all 38 of them.

Gimme back my spoon. The flag is mounted above my bed as a trophy. You can't have it. However, as a consolation prize, keep the dishrag, I don't know where you've been.

Flag is still mine.

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38 bathrooms and still you can't pee without spraying like a fox.

You may well have been born with a silver spoon in ya chops but you still ain't got no manners.

I understand,

You need the spoon as you haven't yet mastered the art of table etiquette and a knife and fork is asking way too much of your two step brain but really? come on!!…..

If I where a 'hoochie mama'….There'd be no need for that Rohypnol now would there?

You have obviously been sampling your own stock's if you think I don't have the real Flag in my possession…..

But I have a heart,

There,

Have your plastic spoon back….

Hands an imaginary spoon back to 1truebat……

He's not going to know the difference…He's so out of it.

I Call 999…Oh, that 911 to you Americano's….

Waiting for the ambulance and watching you wave that imaginary spoon around like that…… My!

It's a sad state of affairs that it has come to this…...

'You in a cocktail skirt and me in a suit…..Well, is just isn't me'.

The ambulance arrives….They bundle you off to the funny farm for rehab' and I go home to enjoy my Flag….

I still have the Flag…it's mine, all mine…… Hope you get better soon.

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Mental ward security is even more of a joke than yours. One, "Look, a dragon!!" and I swipe their keys while they're distracted.

Sneaking through your place is a little disturbing, gerbil skeletons line the shelves, rubber gloves and crisco litter the floor, roving bands of gimps roam the halls calling for "Mommy". Yeah it's a little twisted.

I see you without your mask on, crouched on a log, rubbing my flag. What's that you called it, "My Precious", that's it.

All I need to defeat you is a cheezy question, it's not a riddle, it was nothing more than an unimaginative question, "What's in my pocket?"

You still can't answer it properly, now you have to voluntarily hand me my flag.

Go back to your stump, Smeagol.

Flag is mine.

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Just as you are putting the flag in your Bat Utility Belt I shine a huge Bat symbol into the night sky. You look up thinking that once again Gotham City needs you and you can leave this depressing life of alcoholism, flags and shady internet forums to reclaim your place as a hero to the people of the city you had been raised in but are now exiled from. You gaze longingly at the sky as a tear forms in your eye and escapes your cowl as it runs down your cheek, you suffer a mixture of pride and regret...

As you are distracted I dart in to snatch the flag and leave you wallowing in your self pity.

Edited by Junior Chubb
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Only to watch Smeagol over there pounce on you and start gnawing pieces of you off your body, because you have her "Precious".

I just have to walk over and take it back as you try to keep all your bits together.

Flag is mine.

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Bloody hell, I am always losing limbs... If its not lightsabers its Hobbits who have lived unnaturally long lives.

Where is Doctor Cornelius Evazan when I need a bionic limb?

No wonder I have become a floating head with no body!

Edited by Junior Chubb
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*waves one of Chubb's legs with my flag tied around the ankle*

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"Look, a monkey!!" I shout, distracting Ouija long enough to reclaim my flag, then I run like hell.

Flag is mine.

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No matter how determined to run you are, sooner or later you’ll stop. And sit down.

In a small pond of superglue, strategically placed in your favourite batchair in the middle of your batcave. (Now you know why you should stop leaving batkeys under the batdoormat.)

It bonds rubber extremely quick and firm enough for bat to either run with a chair attached to his behind, either bare-assed since he had to leave his tights glued to the chair.

He chose to run with the chair, the chair chose to make that run short one.

My flag. I’m leaving the batcave like I entered it: casually.

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As you leave the cage you are too causal, the bright light of day outside the cave catches you off guard and temporarily blinds you...

I had been waiting at the Batcave for the the1truebat to return with the flag he had just came into possession of. I watched admiringly as you laid down your super-glue trap and waited for you to exit and become blinded as I when I earlier investigated the cave.

Dressed like Indiana Jones I use my whip to grab a branch over the caves entrance, I swing across the entrance and grab the flag from you as you flail around in temporary blindness. I land safely and carry on running. As your eyesight returns you catch a glimpse of the giant rock-ball that always follows me around when I do an 'Indie Cameo', It crushes you and your damn Hatopus before continuing its journey after me.

I have the flag and a friend of mine is waiting for me in a plane on lake for a speedy exit...

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Too bad you didn't find out until it was too late that your 'friend' had not brought an AQUAplane for you :lol: ! It's too easy for me to just pick up the flag as it floats to the shore. I hope you can both swim as I'm not hanging around to help you ........ see ya!

(Seriously though, Chubb, you keep making the most amateurish mistakes ..... time to leave it to the Big Boys/Girls, huh?)

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You should follow your own advice, you see, I anticipated this, and replaced Reggie the snake with my handsome self. I grab my flag, destroy your controls, Leap from the plane, engage my "batchute" and float to the ground. You, meanwhile grab your chute, leap from the plane and realize thbat your chute is full of pots and pans. Happy landings.

Flag is mine.

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Lucky enough I keep a tool kit in my Chubb-utility-belt and I manage to fashion the pots and pans into a working parachute. I guide myself and land on top of the1truebat and grab the flag leaving you flailing about underneath a metal parachute...

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I have been watching you……

Patiently, waiting for your return home….

Your shoes off, slippers on. Your favourite white stripes LP swirling around the deck, your latest inspiration for your Avi'…. As you settle down to chew on some lego bricks and congratulate yourself on your exploits. You turn and reach for the flag.

You find it gone.

...With a gasp, wimper and sob….Your eyes burning with the exhausted tears. You realise, I have pounced…. Silent as a still night…My cat burgling skills have never failed me.

You have the salty tears. I have the flag.

Edited by Blue Star
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So true so true... You read me so well, the avatar is getting old and new inspiration is needed, I did happen to build a few Star Wars Lego sets the other night and I do congratulate myself on my exploits whilst wearing slippers...

But you missed one thing Lil' Miss BS. Junior Chubb would never listen to the White Stripes. That was obviously Paddy McChubb my twin brother sporting a fake (and self destructing after 30 seconds) flag and crying false tears. We swapped places as you checked your make up in the mirror impulsively as I came into view. You get just 25 yards from the scene of the crime when the flag explodes leaving you looking like a victim of a 1950's cartoon ACME bomb.

The flag is still mine, I will be waiting for you to try again under the light of a full moon in Paris...

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Do you really think, I can wait another Seven days until the hare moon shines silver upon the pewter Seine?

Why ever should I wait to swipe My flag from your three fingered rubber mitts??

I am intrigued all the same…… Why the wait, what is about to happen in Paris???

Intrigue, upon intrigue????

Hummmmm?????

I shall ponder this and more….. Whilst I remove the panda eyes and de frazzle my hair after such an Acme act of under handed attack…...Did you really have to have that silly Wabbit Widd the carrot…Screaming…… 'Thats all, folks' at me?…...He's given me tinnitus.

I'll be back after I have considered these things and changes my shredded attire….Watch this place…… No not that one……This one.

Edited by Blue Star
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Ah, Paris, the city of love. Nothing quite like it. The food, the wine, the women and THE BOOT UPSIDE YOUR HEAD!!

Forgot about the backup "batchute" didn't you, Rook?

Unbreakable Chains, unpickable locks, 30 ton weights, really nasty water, have a nice swim.

Flag is mine.

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Ha ha ha!!! You obviously do not realise I am an Aqualish from Ando and also a descendant of Houdini. Both of these easily obtainable facts leave me in good stead for my current predicament.

Being Aqualish allows me to breathe underwater I am am sure I do not need to explain the advantage of Houdinin heritage in this situation. I am soon free and tracking you down.

You luckily find a nearby 'Batman Fan Convention' and mingle with all the other Batmen before I can reach you, You blend in and are lost but it was easy to find you...

You are 'the guy with a stick' and and that makes you stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd of caped crusaders.

I sneak up on you and snatch the flag, now disguised as Batman myself I am the one who disappears in the crowd and before you can react I am gone...

Edited by Junior Chubb
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Yeah, you’re gone. Gone to Nizhniy Novgorod because there’s difference between having GPS and being able to use it.

I orientate by the magnetic field, ever since I had piece of metal lodged in my brain. And they all acted like it was a bad thing when it happened. I also feel strange need to crap on statues in the park and everything pigeons say makes sense, but that's not the issue here.

Anyway, the flag is mine. Never trust cab driver with an octopus on her head. She’ll take your flag and leave you locked in the car that was stolen anyway.

You really should hitchhike home, as soon as they let you out of jail, it’s an experience life is not complete without.

Edited by Helen of Annoy
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At least you didn't steal his kidneys.

Helen, I've been playing with the new kids so much, I'd thought you'd given up.

Here's a quick tip from your dear old Uncle Bat, kids. The sure fire way to beat Helen at anything is to give her a fistfull of cash. Cold, hard currency 50's and Hundreds. Her natural greed will defeat her everytime.

So, Helen gets a crapload of money, I get my flag, at least until Helen spends all the money on wigs for the Hatopus, but until then...

Flag is mine.

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Typical rich boy mentality there Bats….Shame on you, thinking anyone can be bought….You obviously don't know what your up against with me...

Whilst you're rubbing your money bag hands like you've caught a chill, I swipe the flag.

Throw a stack of your cash up in your face and run for higher ground.

Simple, I know but you're so bizzy scrambling around after your cash, it is quite effective.

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Money doesn’t excite me, it calms me down :lol:

However, Blue Star couldn’t resist strip poker challenge. When she lost everything but the flag she resisted the urge to try to win her clothes back and simply traded my flag for her clothes. I gave her some of my fleas too, gratis.

My flag.

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I had been following you since you started your quest to recapture the flag...

From a concealed place I watched the game of strip poker unfold. It was so enjoyable I forgot all about the flag and let you slip away with it.

The flag is yours.

For now. ;)

Edited by Junior Chubb
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A great man once said, "Where does he get those wonderful toys?" Helen would ask that, if she were conscious. However, she's not, I hit her with the batmobile.

I hop out and reclaim what's mine...

Ahem,

Flag is mine.

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