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Capture The Flag


Bracket

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Oh, Helen, you missed it. The regeneraion was due to experiments that were made, not divine intervention. However, let's discuss the suicide issue, Not being catholic, means no suicide clause. And the powers that be still owe me favors.

I can easily get out of your domain and take my flag with me, well, wait, I still have my flag. You're still in the chains, and you have a very vivid imagination.

Try again.

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The god almighty tramples some nerd with beer bottle bottom glasses.

But, since I really should be doing something else in the real life right now, you can have the damn cloth until next time.

It’s fake anyway.

I gave the real one to local menopausal women’s bowling association for safe keeping.

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- - - In an undisclosed Bowling Alley - - -

"Oh Agnus, stop staring at my bowling ball before your eyeballs fall out!" An old lady laughs at her friend as they try and carry their bowling balls to the platform without falling over. They have a Golden Flag with them.

"Gladys, you wanna hold the Flag now?" An old woman tells another.

"No thanks, I'm gonna go to the snack bar and get some hot dogs you want some?"

"No, try to stay away from the relish." Gladys grimaces at her friend before walking off to the Snack Bar.

The old lady holding the Flag sighs as she sips from her coconut margarita and looks on as her girlfriends roll their bowling balls down the lanes knocking only a couple of pins.

Suddenly the lights go out. The ladies scream in fright...but soon, their fear is replaced with curiosity, as they see a spotlight on a handsome man behind them, standing atop of the snack bar counter. The ladies look on, waiting ...

The juxebox begins to play...and the handsome fellow, entertains the golden ladies.

"On the Day I was born....

The nurses all gathered 'round...

And they gazed in wide wonder At the joy they had found.

The head nurse spoke up!! Said "leave this one alone..." She could tell right away That I was bad to the bone!!"...

The fellow is assisted by a certain Catwoman behind the bar, who lights a line of alcohol on fire behind the dancing mysterio. She smiles wickedly and makes her way to the Flag which has been left alone, as the ladies get closer to the entertainer.

The mysterious guy continues to dance and removes his shirt much to the delight of the old girls who gasp in awe!

" I make a rich woman beg I'll make a good woman steal.... I'll make an old woman blush And make a young girl squeal...

I wanna be yours pretty baby Yours and yours alone I'm here to tell ya honey... That I'm bad to the bone B-B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-B-Bad Bad to the bone!!"

At this point Catwoman grabs the Flag and whistles at Ozzy who's down to his underwear. "Finally!" Ozzy jumps off the bar and throws his clothes back on as the ladies moan and complain about the abrupt ending to the show. Ozzy climbs back on top of the bar. "Alright ladies, I've got another suprise for you....I'm gonna make it rain for you all...." Ozzy pulls out a lighter and lights it under a sprinkler on the ceiling. This causes the Fire Alarm to go off and the emergency sprinklers to rain down on all the women. "Ahahahah!" Ozzy climbs off the bar and races out of the Bowling Alley with Catwoman and the Flag!

We get on my Harley, as speed off into the night! "I'm back on top baby! And I'm the mother*****ng KING!"

:gun:

Edited by Ozzy Valentine
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My heart breaks, it's so unfair to tell you the horrible truth after all that trouble you've been through, but...

You were the mother****ing king with no ****en helmet on, probably couldn’t fit both ****en crown and the mother****ing helmet on that ******* pumpkin head of yours.

Now, you’re reddish-brown smear on the left side of my tank. "**** me dead!" combined with facepalm has never been so appropriate. If you still had your head on your shoulders, that is. Catwoman is taken to the vet and she’ll be fine, she has few more lives to spend.

The flag looks like it was to Stalingrad, Iwo Jima and Black Friday at Wal-Mart, but it’s mine.

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Hey, Helen. Do you know what happens when you stuff 3 five pound bricks of C-4 down the barrel of a tanks main gun and set it off?

YOU DO NOW!

I'll take my flag and go on with my bad self.

Mine, again.

Edited by the1truebat
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You turn to leave and are met with a giant HAND(thank you Jackass'es latest movie) swooshing and knocking you down on your ass! "Uhhhhh..." you groan and wince in pain.

I easily grab the Flag from you. I crouch down next to you as I hold the Flag.

"Did you know Helen The Hatopus is soaking herself in a huge bathtub filled with goo right now? It's somekind of nasty slime that helps her regenerate from injuries....she has to stay totally submerged in it for a 72 hr period at times...isn't that interesting? Like some Animal Planet sh**."

As I inform you, I have tied you up to a chair. Your helpless.

"You know....I wonder what would happen if somebody filled Helen's giant puke bowl with poisonous snakes. She really oughta be mor careful, anyone can just walk in there and fill that thing with poison...she's so careless don't you think?

I guess we'll have to wait and see when she rises huh? Or maybe she won't haha...she's comatose! Ahahaha!! Now what am I gonna do with you? Well as you see, I've covered you in gasoline while tied to a chair. What could this mean?!"

I stare at you coldly and light you on fire. You scream in unimaginable agony before your life is drained out of you. I light a cigarrette with your ashes.

"You left me no choice Batboy..you know..some people may call me a heartless as****e...but they're wrong! I have feelings to ya know...it's just that....wait no....no...no I don't. Sigh...maybe I am a heartless a***e? We'll never really know...."

I speed off with the Flag in my sportsbike. (GameOver, I win!)

Edited by Ozzy Valentine
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Yeah, guys on sportsbikes are renowned for their loooong lives and no accidents at all.

Funeral service for our beloved Ozzy will be held down the full length of Organ Donors’ Boulevard.

Bring flowers if you wish, I’ll bring my flag and taunt you all with it, like those Spanish guys in pink tights do to bulls who occasionally and to my endless amusement decide to impale said guys in tights on their fairly scary horns.

And why I was able to do that after bat tried to shove C-4 down my tank’s gun and then Ozzy attempted to arrange death a la Cleopatra for me?

Because I was celebrating gender and sexual confusion acceptance day, so the main gun had a huge condom on it. You might think anyone would notice rainbow-coloured condom large enough for a tank’s main gun, but not if that anyone is blind as bat.

And you, Ozzy, you really should learn to spot the difference between hatopus and one of Cher’s wigs. Poor woman, she spent so much money you could buy a smaller country with it on that newest miracle slime spa treatment only to end up tied to a chair by some obviously insane guy calling her Helen and dousing her in gasoline... I sense law suit there.

Ah, so many details... let me stress that flag is, of course, mine.

I think I should pee on it. What? Cats do that, dogs, wolves... foxes, bears... even mice pee on their property.

Yep, game over. I peed on the flag.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Resurrection time. You see, Helen, your rainbow colored condom was a fantasy. The c-4 actually blew the ever living sh!t out of the tank, along with you in it. Ozzy, never had time to take the flag because my sniper popped him from a thousand yards out, his head popped like a watermelon. When you woke up, you were back in Daddy's loving arms, in the fire pits of hell. Ozzy was there as well, tortured beyond belief by your little minions.

A thought occurs in your brain as you process all this information.

I am the Bat, you can't beat me.

No matter what you cook up, I'll beat it. No scheme will ever stop me. You will lose every time.

As you dwell in darkness, I want you to remember the man who beat you.

I am the Bat, I am eternal.

Every time you come at me, I've already out thought you. You, Ozzy, anyone else. I always win.

The flag is mine, always and forever.

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Yeah, yeah, you’re the Bat.

And I’m Helen of Annoy.

One of us has hallucinations.

Since I’m the higher life form, and my shirt is not tied on my back like yours is, it’s safe to assume it was you that created an imaginary subjective reality to escape the unbearable existence of a loser, that can’t keep his flag in his hands.

So the flag is still mine... and still wet.

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Yeah, yeah, you’re the Bat.

And I’m Helen of Annoy.

One of us has hallucinations.

Since I’m the higher life form, and my shirt is not tied on my back like yours is, it’s safe to assume it was you that created an imaginary subjective reality to escape the unbearable existence of a loser, that can’t keep his flag in his hands.

So the flag is still mine... and still wet.

when you two have finished your impressions of Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor,

you might just look around and find the flags gone again -

guess who! :lol:

right virtual reality helmet off, splash around the petrol before they decide to surface, Lob in the zippo -(damn I'm going to miss that lighter!)

and make off down the mountain track on my hoverchair! my flag :tu: !

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when you two have finished your impressions of Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor,

you might just look around and find the flags gone again -

guess who! :lol:

right virtual reality helmet off, splash around the petrol before they decide to surface, Lob in the zippo -(damn I'm going to miss that lighter!)

and make off down the mountain track on my hoverchair! my flag :tu: !

Zippo is not that inextinguishable as they claim, you know. And you forgot to light it before you lobbed it, which is something that crossed your mind just before I crossed your path, still wearing Cleopatra’s wig.

That turned out to be lucky for me, since it’s against the law to fly broomstick without helmet on your head, and cops mistook the wig for a helmet. Therefore, there are no flashing blue lights behind me so I can rip the flag out of your hands without saying “thank you” and no one will arrest me for that.

My flag.

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I teleport from Dr. Kleiner's lab to right behind the wicked witch of Croatia and grab the flag. After a short fight between her and my crowbar I call the G-man and teleport to an Antlion nest, where I nestle the flag inside the larval chamber, knowing the Antlion Guardian will keep it safe for me. Not even trusting such a ferocious monster, I stand guard with a shotgun and a tactical nuclear warhead that would burn everything around us. Moral of the story: If I can't have the flag, no one can. :P

Oh yes, I did just pull a Half Life 2 reference.

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I teleport from Dr. Kleiner's lab to right behind the wicked witch of Croatia and grab the flag. After a short fight between her and my crowbar I call the G-man and teleport to an Antlion nest, where I nestle the flag inside the larval chamber, knowing the Antlion Guardian will keep it safe for me. Not even trusting such a ferocious monster, I stand guard with a shotgun and a tactical nuclear warhead that would burn everything around us. Moral of the story: If I can't have the flag, no one can. :P

Oh yes, I did just pull a Half Life 2 reference.

And I pulled Raid spray out of my bag.

While I was doing that, I accidentally – I swear, it was an accident! – kicked your shotgun with my elbow.

Since your tactical nuclear warhead was not set to blow up in case your head is blown off, I consider putting it in my garden to confuse the Google street view viewers. They’ll think it’s just like real one. Because it is real one.

Hello, flag. Goodbye, poverty. I have a warhead to sell.

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My soul wanders and finds a new home in the house of a Communist Necromancer Hellbent on equalizing everyone through the power of undying. I sell my soul to her and become a zombie. Her first mission is to steal the flag. . .

I sneak along in front of Hellen's house, using the warhead as cover. I "accidentally" arm said warhead and watch as Hellen runs out in a panic. Taking this opportunity, I steal through her open front door as she worries over the nuke, and find the flagpole in her bedroom. Only God knows what it was doing there. I sneak out the back door with the flag in hand and run for my unlife, knowing that Hellen didn't steal the keycard to disarm that weapon.

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My soul wanders and finds a new home in the house of a Communist Necromancer Hellbent on equalizing everyone through the power of undying. I sell my soul to her and become a zombie. Her first mission is to steal the flag. . .

I sneak along in front of Hellen's house, using the warhead as cover. I "accidentally" arm said warhead and watch as Hellen runs out in a panic. Taking this opportunity, I steal through her open front door as she worries over the nuke, and find the flagpole in her bedroom. Only God knows what it was doing there. I sneak out the back door with the flag in hand and run for my unlife, knowing that Hellen didn't steal the keycard to disarm that weapon.

Unfortunately for you - your unlife, becomes unalive again - as I blow your head into smithereens!Resident Evil expert here, "Shoot For the Head!" Ahahaha! I light your corpse on fire as I tend to do to my enemies.

I grab the Flag and realize it's covered in brown, greenish slime. I puke in my mouth a little. Oh sweet yet, disgusting Helen of Annoy. Using the Flag Pole as her own personal d***o. :w00t: This is going to have to go through some serious cleansing! *Shivers*

After an extensive cleaning process, The Flag is MINE again!!!!! IM THE KING OF THE WORLD! :devil:

Edited by Ozzy Valentine
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"Ozzy, do you remember what happened to the last man to claim to be the King of the World? That's right, he sank with the Titanic. Hope you can swim."

Turning at the sound of my voice, the baseball bat catches you right underneath the chin, lifts you off your feet and tosses you back into that handy vat of hydrochloric acid you keep for enertainment purposes.

I slam the lid down on the vat and reclaim my flag.

Who's next?

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You're next.

Also, I’m so sorry but it’s so late, I’ll have to make this as quick and painful as possible.

So I said: “Hey, bat, look who I met on my way here.”

He turned around and saw Robin’s throat in my left hand, cordless drill in the right.

My flag.

Robin did lose an eye before bat gave the flag up, but only because he insisted he can take it before he got the realistic picture of what he's about to take.

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  • 1 month later...

After taking some time to create the perfect plan, i jump onto Helen's head and pulls the octopus over her eyes and drives off on my new dirt bike. :ph34r:

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As Bracket rides past on his dirt bike, the Bat swiings a metal pole into his chest, lifting him off his bike and on to the pavement. He layts there, gasping for breath as I take my flag back.

That's right, kids, Daddy's home. Who want's to play?

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As Bracket rides past on his dirt bike, the Bat swiings a metal pole into his chest, lifting him off his bike and on to the pavement. He lays there, gasping for breath as I take my flag back.

That's right, kids, Daddy's home. Who want's to play?

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As Bracket rides past on his dirt bike, the Bat swiings a metal pole into his chest, lifting him off his bike and on to the pavement. He lays there, gasping for breath as I take my flag back.

That's right, kids, Daddy's home. Who want's to play?

I want to play!!

And No Daddy does NOT know best. I know best. I was taught all, while in my lovely white jacket and white padded room. The voices helped me distract you while we ?(um I mean I) stole the flag and hide in the dirty laundry to sneak out of the hospital, then run to the mountains to hide!!

Edited by my_psychosis
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My dear, sweet, naughty, My_psychosis. Evidently, you've either met, or forgotten the Bat. The white room was Arkham Asylum and this is my yard. I know all about the laundry and the woods. The thrill of the chase is all that matters. Shack up, prepare, wait for me. I'm coming for what's MINE.

Oh, wait, I've already done it. Welcome back to the white room.

Flag is mine. I guess Daddy does know best.

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My dear, sweet, naughty, My_psychosis. Evidently, you've either met, or forgotten the Bat. The white room was Arkham Asylum and this is my yard. I know all about the laundry and the woods. The thrill of the chase is all that matters. Shack up, prepare, wait for me. I'm coming for what's MINE.

Oh, wait, I've already done it. Welcome back to the white room.

Flag is mine. I guess Daddy does know best.

You ever heard the saying that the fastest way to a mans heart is through the chest with a sharp knife? Oh sorry I ment to say through his stomach, and since I am a wonderful cook(so I'm told) and your a man, I just cooked up some awesome steak fajitas with all the trimmings and you just had to taste, then could not stop (due to my MAD cooking skills)

and you ate so much you fell asleep and I stole the flag once again!!!!

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While it is true that I have a weakness for a woman who can cook, my sleeping was just a ruse to learn yet another one of your secrets. I simply bide my time, give you something shiny and take my flag as you stare off into space. Thanks for dinner.

Flag is mine.

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While it is true that I have a weakness for a woman who can cook, my sleeping was just a ruse to learn yet another one of your secrets. I simply bide my time, give you something shiny and take my flag as you stare off into space. Thanks for dinner.

Flag is mine.

Ah but I am one of those rare women who dont care about shiny things, I like video games and I challenged you to a game of "Soul Calibur" and I kicked your but and once again ran of with the flag.

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