Capture The Flag

[Helen of Annoy]

I was hit by real vehicles and survived so I certainly will survive toy attacks.

A brick to your head, brat, lego brick to be brutally honest.

I spilt the rest of lego set around bat so when he regains his consciousness he’ll be playing for a while and even if he resists that urge and comes after me, he is doomed. The lego bricks scattered on the floor are the trap no superhero has developed powers to overcome yet.

My flag. Lego set yours. I’m not cruel or cheap, only know what belongs to whom. The flag belongs to me. *cue Wagner*

[the1truebat]

Legos, really?

Keep it up and I'll take away your Barbi corvette.

Just the thought of that makes you drop the flag and rush to see if it's still on the shelf.

Flag is mine.

[+ouija ouija]

As you build a Lego garage for the Barbie Corvette you find you have to put the flag down as you need both hands to position those darn fiddley little bricks. You are so absorbed in your play that it is easy for me to tiptoe in and take my flag.

[Junior Chubb]

Just thought I would add that I saw a Yellow Barbie Corvette at a vintage Toy Fair yesterday.

I currently do not want the flag...

[Helen of Annoy]

Good, because I have this memo here from which it’s clear the current bearer of the flag has to fill this form to confirm their intention to keep the flag. And separate form, acknowledging responsibility for proper keeping and guarding it. This one to guarantee for any possible damage with personal property. And that one ensuring the sign on previous form is authentic. Photocopy of your ID, passport and local library membership card must be included. No library card? Go sign in in one. I’ll prepare the rest of forms and list of additional documents while you do that.

Or just leave the flag on my desk, whoever you are, and I’ll forget it was away at all.

[+ouija ouija]

Heavens, Helen! Do you take me for a fool? Do I look like the sort of person who fills forms in?

Flag remains in my safe keeping ....... hidden ......... well hidden!

[Helen of Annoy]

*puts pile of papers aside*

*takes glasses off*

*makes eye contact... very, very direct eye contact*

ouija, what do think, if someone would burn your house down and you had time to take only one thing out with you, what would that be?

A flag?

Surely not. You’d save your kids photos first, or your wallet or personal massager or something, but would you run upstairs, open the closet, dig with both hands through old hats and bags, find the right box, turn it upside down, emptying it from ex’s letters you swore you soaked in fox urine and sent them back to him years ago, then opened the double bottom of the box and pull out another, flat box with cute but real little lock, run back downstairs and take the key from the bottom of jar full of sugar, then run back upstairs to unlock the small flat box where my flag sits wrapped in your old nightgown?

So tell me, realistically, is it fair to let my flag burn just because you’re not prepared for simple house fire?

Huh?

*lights cigarette using antique gas lighter with engraved emblem you’d swear is illegal to display in civilized countries*

*puffs smoke in the air*

The other option is me crawling into your house disguised as professional moth whisperer, who will make your moths leave your premises peacefully, with no need to exterminate anyone and accidentally steal my flag back in the process.

Your choice.

[the1truebat]

As much as I love watching crazy women argue. I must also reclaim my flag. To do that I've enlisted the help of an old friend.

That's right ladies, as you two are arguing, who walks in, none other than Jerry Springer. One ring of a bell and you two are going at it like 2 cats in a burlap sack over who's baby daddy is who's.

Good, wholesome, family entertainment.

I'll just take my flag out of harms way.

Be good to yourself and each other.

Flag is mine.

[Helen of Annoy]

Surely you mistook me for someone who watches TV.

Having no desire to waste any more of my precious time, one short AK-47 burst in the air, to get rid of scavengers and another across your knees.

I didn’t aim that low with intention to prolong your suffering, I did that to save my flag from further damage.

Don’t worry, you are as handsome as ever, and you’ll have amazing scars in just right place for showing, not too private, not too visible. Just perfect.

My flag.

[the1truebat]

Well as long as I'm still pretty.

Is you crazy, woman?

We have been doing this long enough, the same dance over and over, knowing you as I do, that even my underwear is bulletproof.

Remember, Helen, you brought this on yourself.

I use one of my secret, secret weapons, that's right, the hatopus mating call. I've attached it to 5 separate animals, a rabid wolverine, a syphillitic donkey, a great white shark with anger management issues, a blind seeing eye dog, and a 46 year old virgin named Irving who still lives with his momma.

I love watching the hatopus go in more than 1 direction at once.

Well, color me suprised, looks like the superglue you used to reattach him to your face this last time really does work.

Enjoy the ride.

I'll just wait here with my flag.

Flag is mine.

[Junior Chubb]

I tap you on your left shoulder, as you turn I duck to the right and snatch the flag.

Quick but effective.

[Helen of Annoy]

I love watching the hatopus go in more than 1 direction at once.

Oh, we're playing rough now, huh, Junior?

All right.

A drop of superglue on Junior's left shoulder, gentle but firm hold, and before you know it, his left ear is stuck to his left shoulder. Now he is trying to go forward but something makes him turn left. And left. And left.

So I'll go to the right. With my flag.

[Junior Chubb]

So you think I have ears? What a mistake to make...

You may go right with the flag, right into my trap of squid ink (the Hatopi Kryptonite)!!!

As you gradually become weak I gradually take the flag from your grasp.

[goodconversations]

Stupify!

I snitch the flag off your hand and dance my way out [of the scene]"

[Helen of Annoy]

That’s what god gave me tentacles for. Well, not the only reason but the most relevant reason for this situation.

I swished my tentacle, got firm grip around your neck and pulled myself out the trap.

My flag, thank you, and I’ll hold you for a while longer before I toss you into your own trap. He who digs the hole, falls in it. He who fills said hole with ink, is ****en perverted.

Have I mentioned the flag is mine?

Edit: goodconversations, I think you have my spare underwear in your hands. I don't blame you for that mistake, my underwear and my flag are of the same colour.

Edited March 28, 2013 by Helen of Annoy

[the1truebat]

Helen, my love. It's so cute when the kids try, isn't it.

I'm just gonna light a fire under Helens butt, using napalm.

You smell that? You smell that? I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like...victory.

How's life as a crispy critter?

Flag is mine.

[goodconversations]

lol this is fun!

i call the police and tell them you're a psycho terrorist using napalm bombs to torture people in the basement of your house... the police raid your house ...they arrest you...i go to your house and take the flag... oh yeah come to mama *smooch*...

this little flag of mine... i'm gonna keep it mine.. keep it mine keep it mine keep it miiiiiiiiine...

Edited March 29, 2013 by goodconversations

[Knight Of Shadows]

appears from the mist and sticks a gum in good conversation's hair and steal the flag while she try to take it off

[Helen of Annoy]

KoS had just enough time to ask: “Do you smell something burning in here?” before frying pan hit him over the head.

Yes, the official thread’s frying pan no one else is taking care about but me. If any of you lazybones would polish our frying pan from time to time, you’d know where we keep it and you could use it.

Congratulations, KoS, now you have your face imprinted in our pan, I have the flag. In one hand, the frying pan is still in my other hand. Not to mention what I hold in my tentacles.

[Junior Chubb]

Brandishing my Light-sabre I lunge at you and severe you flag holding from its limb (or tentacle or whatever it is) and promptly steal the flag from you. Knowing you are no match for me physically (despite our aquatic similarities) you challenge me verbally to try and trick me into relinquishing ownership of the flag.

I simply wave my hand and tell you 'this ain't the flag you're looking for' to which you reply 'this ain't the flag I'm looking for' before motioning me to move along and go about my business.

I slip into the Mos-Eisley Cantina with a wry smile on my face and the flag in my grasp.

[the1truebat]

That's where the frying pan went.

Junior, it seems your lightsaber's a little limp...and small. Is that master Yodas? Up with this crap, I will not put.

Put that away, before you hurt yourself, Padawan.

I force grab my flag as I force kick you into next Thursday.

Don't worry, some day your schwartz will be as big as mine, just not today.

Flag is mine.

[goodconversations]

I stalk the1truebat... see what pub he goes to.. then i dress myself up ..go the pup..seduce him.. we go to his place..he shows me his precious flag...i ask him to shave a certain area.. he enters the bathroom..i take the flag and harry out.. waving my flag

[Helen of Annoy]

Never run with the scissors, never run after bus and potential spouses, never run in or out the bathroom.

Never.

Now you know why, as you slipped on shaving foam decorated with bat’s pubic hair and fell, trying to use my flag as a parachute, but since parachute needs significant time to open up and actually make a difference, there you are, lying unconscious at the bathroom floor with horny bat staring at you, wrestling with his dilemma: to seize the opportunity or to nurse you back to health and create future opportunities. Something along Steven King’s Misery lines.

My poor flag, they treat you with such disrespect.

[Junior Chubb]

While you are holding goodconversations captive I break into your humble abode and conceal myself and make an adjustment of genius proportions that will enable me to claim the flag.

Upon noticing that my 'adjustmet' was to secretly turn your penguin from its 'due south' facing position you go upstairs to break goodconversations ankles. I steal the flag that you causally left on the sofa...

[Helen of Annoy]

I had no intention to break anyone’s ankles and I won’t break your ankles, but since you insist... one of bear traps scattered around my humble abode (for decorative purposes) will do it.

Writhe on, my flag.