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Bracket

The Excuse Game

3,111 posts in this topic

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acute

Unfortunately, the eye placed at the top of a pyramid is always the first bit to erode away.

Grind my corn.

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ouija ouija

*slaps*

Fry me some chips just how I like 'em!

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acute

Got no lard! soz.

Nuke my noisy neighbor.

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Helen of Annoy

We’re not in the Middle East. You can’t have people nuked just because they make noise you don't like.

On a second thought, I hate noisy people. Help me help acute alan nuke his neighbour.

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ouija ouija

Heavens! You don't need my help, I'd only get in the way. You two are more than capable of ruining a neighbour's life(and a large chunk of 'Mercia') by yourselves. I'd be saying annoying things like "Oh please wait until all the animals have left the vicinity!" and " Did everybody remember to bring a packed lunch with them?" and "Helen, have you brought any moist-wipes with you?" ....... see, it'd be hopeless.

Write all my Christmas cards for me.

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Helen of Annoy

Take another look at my signature. Come to conclusion that would be the most awkward Christmas ever. Ask someone else to do that for you.

Buy me an urn. We’re having a barbecue tomorrow so I’d like to try it out to see how it fits the ashes of someone approximately my size.

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Bracket

Urns are too expansive. The best I can afford is a coffee can.

Give me a book. I've read all of mine.

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ouija ouija

I wooould, but ....... I don't know where you live. I mean, if I send it to 'Bracket, Massachusetts' ...... nah, I'm not prepared to risk it.

Cut my hair for me.

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Helen of Annoy

Hair works as antenna that connects you with the higher consciousness. I refuse to take part in your disconnecting.

Reboot me.

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The Mule

the button is too small for my hooves to press

please brush my mane

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Helen of Annoy

I really, honestly would, but I have to post crap on the Internet instead.

Make me sane again.

Edited by Helen of Annoy

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ouija ouija

Good Grief, Helen! That's waaay too big a job for me. You'll need a team of internationally renowned shrinks mental health specialists if you're even going to scratch the surface of the problem.

Help me into my diving gear ...... I want to go and annoy sharks.

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Helen of Annoy

You don’t need a diving gear for that... simply walk into their office, say you want to sue them for malpractice in this very law suit that you are about to start and promise them large percentage of the sum they extort from themselves.

Have your camera ready, there’s a chance a head or two will actually explode.

Sing me a lullaby.

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ouija ouija

OO, OO! I'm good at that(seriously) ...... which one do you fancy; I've got quite a repetoire? Oh no, wait ...... me here, you all the way over there ...... sorry :cry:

Haha! Forgot to make a request: taste some of these seeds for me, I'm not sure which ones can go in my baking/cooking and which ones ............. well, um .......... probably shouldn't be eaten .....

Edited by ouija ouija

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Helen of Annoy

You need a canary in your kitchen. Miners used to take canaries with them in the mines so when poor little Tweety drops dead they know it’s time to evacuate humans too, because whichever poisonous gas killed the tiny bird will soon kill you too.

But if you put a canary in your kitchen, you have to get rid of anything with teflon coating, heating it up makes canaries drop dead too. Seriously.

Either way, I’m not a canary, I don’t do seed sampling, I just eat it all. If it tasted good, great, if it didn’t then it must be good for digestion. Throw it all in and call it “exotic new taste of plijesan” if anyone complains.

(Plijesan means mold, to save you the trip to translator.)

Give me strength to remain so concise in the future too.

Edited by Helen of Annoy

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with bells on

i would love to give you strength Helen, but i left my bible in my car, so without it I'm useless..

ive just been shot ten times by an intruder, can someone call an ambulance, im dddddyyy..iii..nggg.... heeeeelllllllppppppp.... meeeeee...

Edited by with bells on

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Gunn

I can't! Your Avi is threating to shoot me right now.

Somebody get me a bullet proof vest, in case I make his avi's day by mistake.

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Helen of Annoy

But I’m on his side. Do not take a bullet proof vest from me even if I offer you one because that would mean today is “shoot him in the groin” day. No, no head-shots, it’s bad manners to obviously shoot to kill.

Read my mind.

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ouija ouija

*is struck dumb*................................. *but only for a short while* :D Where to start? I just don't have the many layers of protective clothing(starting with a lead bodysuit), required for such an operation ...... Good Grief! there could be just about anything in there; I couldn't stand the trauma of it. Sorry.

Help me practice my ballet routine, I need a partner who can lift me gracefully into the air.

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Helen of Annoy

I’m not saying you’re fat... but... maybe maybe I could lift you if there was a Chihuahua trapped under you, but that wouldn’t look gracefully at all.

Stage that, I want to see if I can do it.

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acute

There is no lifting device robust enough to elevate my frame.

Take up Extreme Ironing.

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Spectre1979

There is no lifting device robust enough to elevate my frame.

Take up Extreme Ironing.

I can't because I do not exist in this realm.

Reply to this message.

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Blue Star

Oh, sweetie, i'd love to but you see..... Well, there are so many me's, I'm not really sure which one it is you want to reply to your message.

Needing to find out the right numbers for this code I am attempting to breaking, can you help?

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Hasina

Oh, sweetie, i'd love to but you see..... Well, there are so many me's, I'm not really sure which one it is you want to reply to your message.

Needing to find out the right numbers for this code I am attempting to breaking, can you help?

Can't, media reported the code wrong.

Help me out with this babysitting job tomorrow?

Edited by Hasina

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Blue Star

Sorry I have a strict..... No sitting on babies...... of any kind, animal, vegetable ...I did sit on a birthday cake once but thats another story.

Pass me the latest predictions follies rag mag, please.

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